The last couple of days I've been taking a vacation from everything. Work, diet, cleaning, blogging, all responsibility in general. I had just gotten myself so worked up and stressed out that i just had to let go.
I made a couple of trips out to Shelby Farms to go geocaching, which means I hiked out into the woods with a GPS maching looking for a hidden stash of stuff someone else had hidden. It was fun. As I was out doing this, I spent some time thinking about the nature of obligation and responsibility.
I've always been a person who throws herself into her work, and I have always had jobs that involve a lot of stress. I've occasionally had jobs that I don't "take home with me" just to get a break for a while, but I find myself getting horribly bored with those jobs after a few months. I just don't know how to have a job that is exciting and challenging that isn't also stressful.
As I was hiking I was asking myself how far a person should go with obligation toward others. I know it's considered to be a strong mark of character to sacrifice yourself for others in our society. People frown on people who only look out for themselves. So, where is the line? This is especially hard to find when you work in a public service job.
I feel that I often give too much of myself to my job, but that time is rarely seen by others. It's time that is stolen from my private time, my sleep, and my peace of mind. However, I often will draw the line with school administration when they ask too much of us, like taking tickets at a ball game on a Saturday over Easter break. I feel the administration sometimes sees me as someone who isn't a team player, which really makes me angry considering how hard I work for the students. I just want to choose where I spend my time, and I want it to benefit my class.
All this leads to excessive stress and worry and a reduced quality of life for me. This is not a new story. When I was a journalist, I had similar issues about the newspaper and how I spent my time on the job. I care deeply about my job, but I won't let my bosses take advantage of me.
I want to be able to find a balance as a teacher where I can be passionate about my profession without thinking about it 24/7. I wish I knew how to leave work at work. I'm so busy teaching while I'm at work that I don't have time to reflect while I'm there. That happens on my free time. It just gets to be too much.
At the chiropractor's Friday, he suggested that the emotional reaction I'm having to my injury is creating stress which could be slowing down the healing process. Clearly, I'm not progressing as fast as he would like. His "treatment" for this involves some kind of psychological voodoo nonsense that involves me holding my hand over my forehead and my heart while he waves his hands around the area of my injury. There's also some other crap that involes him pretending he can't push down my arm except when he says the word that "identifies" my "problem." Apparently, after all this, he diagnosed me with a "spiritual thought virus." My only response was, "You're not charging me for this, right?"
Anyhoo, chiropractic voodoo aside, the man is probably right. My stress, which is exacerbated by my injury, has reached a critical mass and is very likely slowng my healing. My solution to alleviating stress, however, is to remove the causes, as much as I can. So this week, Spring Break, I plan to take care of business. I'm going to grade research papers, organize my desk, set up payment plans for medical bills, and get my car fixed. If I can do that, my load should be significantly lightened.
I took my "vacation" days up front, so now I'm well rested and almost ready to go. I have slept 10 hours each the last 3 nights and took a three-hour nap Saturday. Crazy. I've not been sticking to plan, but I haven't been binging either. I've just been eating whatever's handy and not worrying about it. I call it "eating lazy."
I hope with a little extra time, I will have some time to catch up with all you as well. See you soon!
Posted By: ashleyb
Comments to this post:
03/12/2007 15:59
geocaching
Sounds like a good activity for letting the mind decompress and wander.
Sometimes I wonder if certain people will stress themselves out about everything. This is not to say that you should be able to stop, or that there aren't extreme outside demands for you to be this way. You are so right that professional martyrdom is celebrated, and that the American/puritan work ethic is unhealthy. I just don't know how to escape it. I wish I could tell you. It really becomes apparent to me in some of Tawa's posts. She has spent a lot of time working on eliminating sources of stress and outside pressure in her life--admirably so--but she still goes above and beyond the call at work on a regular basis and is pursuing certifications I think she said she doesn't technically need. I'm not saying she should do that, because it's clearly in her nature. But I'm also wondering how people like us (I hope I'm in this category, otherwise I'm just crazy and deluded) turn it off without indulgence in serious--and mostly unhealthy--escapism. This weekend I saw a movie, played hours of video games, and ate out several times, all to escape the thoughts that were swirling around my mind. None of those things was good for me (though I enjoyed them all). But they are the ways I know how to leave the overanalysis alone for a few hours.
I think that it is hard to find that place between the idealism of one's profession and the harsh realities that present them selfs more and more over time. I can't pretend to know how hard it is for you in teaching, and honestly, I admire you for teaching teenagers... its something know I would not be able to handle for even one day. I wish I had more advice for you. It's easy for me to tell you to try to let the other people go, and to focus on you... but I know that isn't always possible. Take this week to be good to you... and try to put the work stuff aside for now.
Thanks for sharing your struggles. I also plunge myself deeply into my work, and like you, end up spending more time worrying and stressing on my "off" hours that never get seen by my clients. I also think that saying 'no' is very powerful and administrators can be the best salespeople. They can make you feel really bad for saying no, like you are some kind of lazy teacher ( I speak from experience). But stick to your guns, to the things YOU KNOW in your heart are really worthwhile and important. After a while, they will move on to another teacher they can coherse (spell?) into working during Easter break.
I was a primary school teacher for 7 years and the work just never stopped with planning, reflecting what can be done better and correcting!!! Now I loved teaching but the amount of work and stress afterwards is way too much. Also as you say, schools expect you to be available for fundraising activities and other stuff. I don't know ifyou are married and/or have children. I don't. And the school used to assume that because I don't have children and am not married, I did not have any responsibilities in my life and used to expect me to be available 24/7.
Your visit at the chiropractor is funny. Some people do believe in a lot of stuff, don't they? Still, it has been foundthat negative attitude and stress will hinder rehab and healing. I did not quite get what is wrong with you and I'm at work and don't have time to go through all the blogs. But I wish you well.
cause on three days a week I teach computer lessons in the evening. I'm waiting for my students now so can answer you. After teaching in primary school I got a post doing prevention in alcohol and drugs in secondary school. Although the post was demanding and sensitive I got rid of the corrections so that was a plus. I stayed there for 2 years. Now, while still retaining the grade of a teacher, I have a light load of teaching computer to adults but mainly my work involves in giving support and training school administration staff on the software used for student databases and cash management. I'm very happy here.
You injury sounds very painful - pinched nerve - ouch. My pilates class today was murder - one is supposed to stay still but I'm shaking like a leaf at every movement and my body takes a life of its own. As you say, it's good for you so I'll persevere. I have operated my left knee 4 times and after teh last operation it never did well and felt very bad. Since starting sessions with my pilates instructor it has improved terribly - although still in pain, it is so much more stable and i can do things i wasn't doing before as I was too scared it would give in again. So, yeah, I'll stick to it too - a plus for me is that the instructor is very nice and ecouraging and his positive attitude has also helped me psychologically. Thanks for visiting my blog.
I definitely blog in spurts--I'll leave it alone for a while if I don't have anything new or positive to say. But I have come to think of you as a friend, and I could never just stop checking in on you. I just need more discipline about internet use at work. It would solve a lot, honestly, but it would also probably mean less "social" time on my favorite blogs/boards so it's hard to give up.
I just wrote a whole blog in which I basically blame my 40 pound weight gain since college on my job as a teacher. I love teaching-- but it's really starting to get to me. I'm hoping to go to grad school and propel that into working for arts education non-profits. I know I'm always going to be a bit of a workaholic, but there's got to be some way to get balance!!!
Also, I'm doing JC and I've been really inspired by your post about wanting to really eat healthy. I'm trying to take small steps and when I get down another 15 pounds (to halfway), I'm planning on making all of my halfway meals in the healthiest way possible. But, right now-- If I wasn't doing JC, it'd be chick-fil-a for dinner every night, so I guess it's slightly better.
