My plateau is no longer "mini." I now officiall declare it a Plateau. If you look at my weight chart for the last 30 days, you will see what I mean. I do an average weight for the week every Saturday, then post my daily weights for the current week. You can see the long straight line behind me for the last three weeks, then the up and down see-saw this past week. Actually every week looked like that before I did the average. I go up and down a pound almost every day. I'm dizzy.
Apparently my body loves 154. It's just flippin' crazy about it. It wants to stay here forever. Those of you who were here for my plateau last summer know that I've been down this road before. Lord, PLEASE, don't let this one last 12 weeks, too!
My attitude this time around is not as good. In fact, it's piss poor. I don't want to do this again. I find the little devil on my shoulder almost every day now, saying things like, "Well, why not have a burger? You're not going to lose any weight no matter what you eat, so why cook some elaborate healthy meal? What's the point?"
There is a constant inner dialogue going on. "Yes! No! Stop it! Shut up! You shut up!" This may sound familiar to many of you, but it's not to me. I've never really had that kind of in-fighting in my head. I just make up my mind to do something and I do it. I don't argue with myself about it once I've made up my mind.
What's even scarier is that after over a year of mastering emotional eating, I seem to be falling for it. I've felt like crap lately--mostly physical pain, which leads to melancholy in general. I'll be hungry and run down, and I'll want something, say, deep fried or high carb to boost me up. It's not an unconscious desire. I will consciously think, "Bad food will make me feel better right now, and I need to feel better right now." I may have a healthy snack available, but I will choose to eat something bad just to feel better. It's like popping a pain pill. (I suppose if I had one of those, I could take it instead.)
It's just so not like me to do that. I don't know what to make of myself. I'm running out of "fight."
I really think having yoga taken away from me is seriously damaging my mojo. I need it to inspire me to move and improve. Without it, I'm just some schlump wearing Spanx.
Heavy Sigh Number Two.
Posted By: ashleyb
Comments to this post:
02/22/2007 14:57
WoW
I just came across your blog and wanted to tell you that you are a huge inspiration to Me! Keep up the Great Work and also you never know who you inspire along the way! You gave me will power to keep on truckin in this new lifestyle!
Hang in there, girl. I know it sucks when it seems like no matter what you do you are stuck at one weight. Although, that really isn't true...if I give in and get Burger King because I am not losing when I'm eating well,5 pounds show up on my ass the next time I weigh myself!!!! IT REALLY FREAKING SUCKS!!! Just remember that maintaining your current weight is way better than gaining...and you aren't yoga-ing right now, so being able to maintain your weight is just as impressive as losing it. (all be it, not nearly as rewarding!!) I'm sorry that you are going through a rough patch, but just remember that you know you can do it. You have already lost 60 pounds...that is nothing to scoff over. You have a lot of fans pulling for you...almost every comment you get on your blog mentions how much you inspire them (myself included). Please try not to let it get you down...easier said than done, I know! HANG IN THERE!!!!!
that yoga has been taken from you right now. And that you are in pain. And that the stupid 154 won't give up the ghost already.
The answer to "You're not going to lose any weight no matter what you eat, so why cook some elaborate healthy meal? What's the point?" is thus: the point is that--even with the pain--you are healthier and happier than you were when you were eating crap. I know you are aware, and I know it doesn't make the inner voice go away to have people preach at you, but maybe together all of us can shout it down for a little while.
Do you have any way to manage pain right now? If not, I can see why any distraction would be tempting.
I wonder if meditation/prayer would help the pain and the lack of yoga? You don't have to be able to sit upright on your own to meditate--I'm sure properly supportive chairs are acceptable--and though I am not one to subscribe to faith healing without medical intervention, maybe some focused clearing of the mind will take away the voices and help you cope with the pain while you're working on getting rid of it or managing it better.
I don't know how to support you from so far away beyond these words, but I have been thinking of you often and sending healing prayers your way. If I were there I would give you a hug and cook you something good and healthy so you could rest and still eat well.
I know your DH works for batshit partners, but is there any chance of him cooking for you?
I wish I could come up with some steadfast advice and encouragement, but I'm struggling myself and don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I do think it's great that you're not gaining with you decreased physical activity, but I know how much it sucks to be at a standstill.
I hope that the scale budges for you. It can't hold forever.
Posted By:
02/23/2007 09:09
It's all in your thinking
Not that I've conquered the recipe to get out of a plateau but I was reading about how our bodies adjust to the way we think... Lets try thinking that we are not in a plateau and see if it works?
I think that it would be my worst nightmare if I had to give up my choice of exercise. Can you replace yoga with slow walks outside and practice some deep breathing exercises? I found that even though I couldn't do all the yoga poses the breathing exercises were beneficial.
I've had alot of hip pain lately. I mena alot. SO much as to I have to cut my cardio shirt and limp away. It has caused to me to say WTH and eat anyway. It sucks for sure. But just like you always tell me, we can do this. The road to this is not sprinkled with roses. More like Tprtillas with shredded melted cheese and salsa (my personal favorite) just insert yours.
Hello Ashley, this is the first time reading your blog. I just wanted to know that your blog today reminded me of a book I read some time ago called Taming the Feast Beast. It's about the inner voice inside of us (that struggle with food) that tells us, it's not worth it, food will make it better, i'll be overweight forever, ice cream will make me feel better....whatever it is that your inner thoughts are telling you. Anyway, the book has named this voice your Feast Beast. You do have the power to tell it to shut up, you are worth it all, and it no longer has power over you.
Hang in there and tell your Feast Beast to get lost (or maybe even slay the creature)!
Ashley, I am so sorry that you are knee-deep in another plateu. I admit, when I came racing back here, yours was the first blog I went to and I went anticipating that you were already at goal. Mainly because you are SO FLIPPIN STRONG-WILLED! Probably more so than anyone else here. You never waver. You never falter. Ok, maybe in your head. But never in deed.
And obviously your body is not in the same place as your mind and your determination. Which stinks big-time. So I will hope that your body gets the message very soon, and starts healing. But don't give in to the self-doubt and food talk in your head. It's NOT worth it. All it will do is make the self-doubt and sad feelings grow. Think about how far you have come. You cannot give up now! We won't let you! HUGS!
My body liked the 150s, too. Don't give in to the beast. My scale wouldn't get off 155. I"m just about back down to that number again after my 4-pound gain, but I'm worried about it not going any lower than that. I know i need to put more effort into it, but even when I was putting in a lot of effort, it was extremely resistant.
keep plugging away. you'll do it. the pain isn't making it easy, for sure, but the bad foods will give you other problems in addition to the pain. nourish your body so the pain is all you have to deal with. it's tough...but you've come a long way and you can do this.
Sorry for laughing at your pain, but that was cute. Plateaus suck. It was a long plateau that caused me to lose my mojo and regain 21#s. DON'T let that happen to you! This will pass! Even if it's for 12 weeks, it is TEMPORARY! And at least if you are going to be a poor schlump, you're a fashionable schlump!
I admit, when I came racing back here, yours was the first blog I went to and I went anticipating that you were already at goal. Mainly because you are SO FLIPPIN STRONG-WILLED! Probably more so than anyone else here. You never waver. You never falter. Ok, maybe in your head. But never in deed. 
Which stinks big-time. So I will hope that your body gets the message very soon, and starts healing. But don't give in to the self-doubt and food talk in your head. It's NOT worth it. All it will do is make the self-doubt and sad feelings grow. Think about how far you have come. You cannot give up now! We won't let you! 
HUGS!