So I got me a sandwhich from Subway and I loved it. The Chicken Teriyaki one. And I only ate a 6in. with water and surprise, surprise I am full! I looked up the calories and it was like 405 but with 5g of fat! And while I was there I read up on Mr. Fougle who lost a whole me and then some off of Subway. Come to think about it my friend also lost weight and she ate Subway all the time.
So from today on, I will eat more Subway sandwhiches maybe will get into the same routine Mr. Fougle did. It would be great if I could eat feel full and even lose weight while I am at it.
Keeping my fingers crossed!!
I exercised a lot yesterday afternoon. I was in the gym for a good hour and a half and I felt great when I got home. I overslept this morning and I was actually late for work so I didn't get to go workout today. Maybe this afternoon. Hmm... maybe I should cut down on my middle of the night conversations.
Oh and I also had a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit this morning. I will not be having one again. It has a lot of calories and come to think about it I was hungry a little while after eating it.
A loss can come in all shapes and sizes and can be a sad or joyful time. While I rejoice when I lose a pound or two and I get upset when I gain one, I realized this morning that death is also a sad but happy time.
One of my coworkers and good friend's mom died this morning. It has been a very hard time for the family and friends but at the same time it has relieved all the pain the family, friends, and she were feeling. So as I am reflecting on my feelings toward the whole situation I am glad for her passing. I finally understand what they mean when we should cry at a birth and smile at a death. I do feel sad for the family and my friend but we all knew that it was coming. She had been very ill for a long time now. I am only glad that she was surrounded by her family and that she was in peace when death came by to pick her up.
Let me take the comment I made on my last post back. There can be distractions occuring at 5 am in the morning. One of those is "cuddle time with significant other". :) Let me elaborate.
Yesterday I started the whole "I'm going to eat less and go to the gym everyday from now on until I reach my goal". Well I was hungry all day. What's strange is that when I don't eat I don't get hungry! Well yesterday I ate ALOT! It was all less than 1200 calories though. Well it would have been until my parents tempted me with a juicy grilled home cooked cheesburger. I had two!! Thanks you guys! : ) I realized this is harder than it seems. So I ate and said that's ok I'll just go to the gym after I eat these and work it off. HA HA. Didn't happen. Did I mention that I was sleepy all day long yesterday even after I had an energy drink from the gym? Well I was very sleepy. I went to bed at 8 pm. Uh.. My bedtime is usually 12 or 1. So as you can see I was tired. I slept until about 3 am this morning. So since I had not had a chance to talk to my "significant other" there is nothing official so we will call him "SO" until then, I called him and to my surprise he answered. We talked for about an hour and thirty minutes then my alarm went off once. I told him that I had to go because I was going to the gym. 10 more minutes and it went off again. Yes I have it set so it will continue to go off until I turn it off. If I don't do that then I don't get up. Even then I have completely zoned out the alarm for about an hour several times. :( That's not too good. Well he proposed that I come over and go to the gym together.
If I haven't mentioned it I live at home with my parents and I have a one year old son. And he lives with his parents. My parents still treat me like their 19 year old daughter which is fine but I feel like they are more strict on me than on my 17 and 15 yr. old sisters. If I go out I have to be back by a certain time and when I do go out they are calling me all the time. It's a strange situation but I've got to put up with it until I can live on my own. So saying this sometimes I have to lie when I see SO. And sometimes I have said I am going to the gym and have gone to see SO. Well that was always in the afternoons. But yes, today I lied to my parents once again and went to see SO instead of going to the gym. I am so bad. And it's not like I do anything bad and SO is not a bad guy but I hate having my parents all into my business.
But I will be going to the gym today and I will be going to the gym tomorrow at 5 am. Oh and I am not so hungry today.
Good morning. Well I have not been good at all. For the past week and a half I have forgotten that I was on a diet. I didn't eat healthier and I never made it to the gym. Several times I got invited out for dinner and used my gym time to go. Uh... it seems I have been doing the opposite of what my initial plans were.
That was until Friday. On Friday I went out to eat with some friends and when I saw my friend that I went to the gym with before I could not believe my eyes. She had lost a lot of weight and looked so good. I was so happy for her but so upset and mad at myself. We had started going to the gym about six months ago and while she continued to go I stopped. But seeing how good she looked made me want to go back to the gym. So yesterday I went to the grocery store and bought me some romaine lettuce, yogurts, cereal bars, water, bananas and apples. And this morning I got up at 5 and went to the gym. And after I came home from the gym I packed my lunch and snacks for the day. Today is Grits for breakfast. A banana, yogurt, a cereal bar and a "salad" (consists of romaine lettuce and umm... lettuce). Oh and water. So that's my food for today.
Ok. So Day 1 again. Back to the beginning of the weightloss race. I'm 19 years old and weigh 196 lbs. I have a one year old and after seeing pictures of myself in that hospital bed a year ago I realized that I was extremely overweight.
I was "married" or living in a domestic partnership with the father of my son for four years. I got started pretty early. Weighing in at 125/135, my weight was not an issue. Stress, stress, stress. All packed on due to a full load; high school, a full time job at a pharmacy where I had a huge display of candy and not so healthy snacks, and a "wonderful" man who cheated on me everytime he had a chance. Add to that the fact that I had a pregnancy at 15 which ended in a devastating miscarriage. My life could have ended there. After that it was downhill. My mind and body were so intent into filling the emotional, spiritual, and physical cavity my pregnancy had left. i went through numerous physcological pregnancies which all ended in greater pain when I realized that I was not pregnant. So in one year I gained 50 lbs. I didn't really notice it at first but I went from a size 5 (God blessed me with a big booty and big boobies, so I was never really skinny and I know that I will never be) to a size 13. Wow! I guess I just didn't want to admit it. I was embarrased of my size and all but the great personality that I have kept my self esteem kind of high, or so I thought. In 2006 I graduated high school and was all set to go to college. UGA.
Meanwhile things kept getting worse in my relationship. But I kept the idea that I wanted a baby this whole time. ????? Why????? Then I said Ok NO MORE. I was leaving for college in August and I was leaving my "husband" for good it was definite. So July 18, 2006 I go to the health department to get on the pill and to my surprise I was pregnant! Finally I am blessed. And there I went when I finally thought I was getting off the rollercoaster the attendant hit the GO button agian. It seemed that this pregnancy had brought US closer together. HA HA. There I went again seeing things through a fantasy lens. So I left to college and to my surprise "daddy" only visited a few times. College was a 3 hr. drive from home. And when he did visit things just didn't fit in right.
I had a terrible time with morning sickness and pregnancy induced hypertension (PIH) and gestational diabetes (GD). But I was happy to be carrying my son and endured anything that came my way. When I was 5 months pregnant I found out (confirmed) that "daddy" was cheating, again. I confronted him and he really didn't care to deny or fess up to it. Well I was pregnant and I stayed with him. This is when I was diagnosed with PIH and GD and my doctor advised me to go home. I went home and continued to put on weight although I really wasn't eating much. With the GD diet I was unable to eat many things. I was getting very depressed and I tried my best to hide it. I stayed home all day and slept. I could not sleep during the night. I was in the hospital for a week due to the PIH and was then sent home for another month on bedrest. At the end of my pregnancy I weighed 265 lbs.! I had gained 60 lbs during the pregnancy and I looked horrible. I was so upset. Luckily after having the baby I dropped a good 30 lbs. But it took me about 4 weeks to drop the rest. When my son was about 5 weeks old I found out that "daddy" was cheating again with a different woman. This time it was a married woman with two children! About the same time I found out that "daddy's ex affair-the one when I was at college-was about to have a baby. Could it be his? He said it more than likely was. But since she had got married and hadn't told him the baby was his then he assumed it wasn't.
Later I found out that "daddy's" (the one when I was at college) affair had actually lasted two years. So It was time to move out of that relationship. And you know to this day he has not tried to make anything up to me and has actually made things worse. Mrs. "I'm married and have two kids and you just had a baby, but who cares I deserve to be happy no matter what" is now pregnant due in May. She says its "daddy's".
Well I have tried to move on but of course daddy has been making that very difficult. Why? I guess he says that I am still his.
I went to the doctor in November because I was having really bad headaches and was really fatigued. He diagnosed me with a severe depression. Put me on prozac. Which I never took. My coworkers scared me out of it.
In January I met a good guy with whom I have become very close. I really like being around him and he is slowly pulling me out of the depression I am under. It is very hard for me to trust someone right now so I am playing it safe.
Today at 19 and 196 lbs. I realize that I must reclaim the girl I used to be in order to become the woman that I want to be. I am determined to lose 76 lbs in 6 months through diet, exercise, and maybe phentermine. We'll see. Wish me luck.
