sick and tired

Things have been good with the dog. She hasn't gotten sick now since last Sunday night. We've gone back to feeding her at 4pm but give her a little something before bedtime just so her belly isn't empty. Whether because of that, or because whatever was making her sick has passed, she has not been getting sick all week and it's been wonderful. She's gone for walks and seems much more energetic again. I'm so happy. We never got a definitive answer for what was making her sick every night for a couple of weeks -- that bothers me a bit -- but we did rule out any major illnesses being the cause so that's a good thing. She has less appetite than she used to -- rather than gulping down everything in sight, she's been eating just enough to satisfy and then leaving the rest.

I wish I could say the same thing about me. I don't' know what's got into me. I was doing so well before she got sick. Then the stress of that, and the approaching holidays hit me. I didn't even weigh this morning -- I actually forgot because I had to visit the medical center right away this morning. I was sick a couple of weeks ago you may recall, feeling one of my sinus infections coming on, and for whatever reason the doctor I saw that day gave me a different type of antibiotic and only 5 days worth - no refills. That was unusual, but I took them and felt better at first. Then the last few days i could feel it coming back big time -- I've got some pretty severe chest congestion and now my ears are popping and my throat hurts from coughing. I feel so tired -- like in my eyes, if you know what I mean. I'm tired overall but my eyes feel really tired, like they don't want to stay open. So they've given me Amoxicillin and this time I got a repeat so I will get the full 10 days. And I've slept nearly all day and it felt GOOD.

Then I had to take hubby off to work and when I got back I needed to make dinner. What I'd planned to have was not in the cupboard like I thought it was, so I had to improvise. And before I knew it I was eating enough for two! I have no idea where that came from or why I did it, and now I feel so full I could burst. I have not been eating my lunch boxes for several days, telling myself I was out of supplies for it but because we're going away on holiday in a couple of days I didn't want to restock the fridge. So I've been eating up leftovers instead, and trying to use up all the perishable food in the house. That's OK, it makes perfect sense and it's still possible to do that in a healthful way -- but I definitely haven't.

The stress of the dog's illness is gone, though I'm dealing with my own -- and work has been busy and stressful, but that's nothing out of the ordinary. So what gives? I've made one good, healthy decision today and that was contacting the fitness place about that $40 gift certificate for 4 weeks to try their facility. I said I wanted to pop in Monday and buy one if they would hold it for me. He wrote back that they are not open any more through the holidays but if I was sure I wanted one he would mail it to me and I could pay before I used it. I sent him the address! This is the one Christmas gift I want to give myself. I think the certificate entitles you to try a bit of everything they offer for four weeks, not sure -- but in any case, I am determined to give it a go for 4 weeks. No excuses. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

the x-rays and tests showed nothing

That's a good thing I realize -- I'm so glad -- yet it means we're no closer to knowing why our beloved dog is vomiting every night.  The x-rays were clear, the blood tests showed no problems.  So what now?

Any condition they can think of that might cause it has a ton of other symptoms that she doesn't have, and they likely would have shown up in the blood work.  She could run tests for worms or parasites, but she said it's cheaper to just get the treatment for it anyway.  Other than that they suggested a barium test (unpleasant for her and very expensive) or exploratory keyhole surgery.  If the barium test showed anything, she'd need the surgery anyway.  What to do!?

Hubby read somewhere to try feeding smaller portions throughout the day rather than one meal once a day as the vet has always recommended.  Even just before bed it said to give her something.  We tried that yesterday and miracle of miracles, she didn't get sick last night!  She's energetic and happy today, which is great. It's so good to see that again.

So we're going to try that again and see how we go.  If we can control it with changing up her eating this way it would not only be cheaper, but spare her any further procedures.  She sure was happy to get home from the vet yesterday.

Diet-wise, my lunch box salads have grown smaller and I'm finding it hard to remember to eat every hour or two.  I just am not hungry, or trust me, I would remember!  Also, I get too busy at work to think about it, but as long as I'm still eating the salads, I hope it will still be OK.  With working late several nights (preparation for my vacation next week) and worrying about the dog, I have not got in much exercise.  That's going to change after the holidays.

I've been thinking about getting a gift card from the fitness place across from work -- normally their classes and personal trainers are rather expensive, but they're offering a $40 gift card to try all their services for a month.  I am considering getting myself that for Christmas -- what better way to try these kinds of services without committing to a long-term contract in case it's not for me?  I'll let you know if I get one (they're limited to the first 25 inquiries) -- I've pretty well over-spent this Christmas already, we have SO many to buy for!

Worst week ever

It's breaking my heart.

The vet said to fast the dog for 24 hours to give her stomach a break and see how she goes tonight.  If no improvement, then we're to bring her in tomorrow.  Do you know how heart breaking it is not to feed her?  She just looks at us with those sad eyes, like the one thing she's always been able to count on is us feeding her.  Like we've forgotten something.  She doesn't understand.

We have another dog, and while we took him outside for his feed, she knew what was going on.  Then she stared at us as we ate dinner and it seriously broke my heart.  I know this is for her own good, and it's just one day -- why is it bothering me so much?  If she makes it through the night without getting sick, she can have some food in the morning, but it's really getting to me.  I hope she'll be alright.

It's not been a good week

I don't hold  out much hope for this week's weigh-in.  Oh, when at work I've been doing just fine -- but I was off 2 days sick, and then up all last night with a sick dog as well. So I haven't eaten well the last 2 days.

We're so worried about her that it's stressing us out.  I keep telling hubby it may be time to accept the inevitable -- she's a Fox Terrier and she's 11 years old. Yes, smaller dogs can live longer, but she's started vomiting in the wee hours of the night and it's gotten more frequent.  He's switched up her food, even cooking her chicken, rice and veggies and pureeing it so it's easier for her to eat, but she's still getting sick.  Today he's going to try to get her in to the vet, and I told him to go ahead, but not to be surprised if there's nothing they can do for her.  I've been through this before with another dog years ago. When the vomiting increased dramatically, she died shortly after.  I'm afraid I may be going through that again.  It's so hard -- we both love her so much, but she's definitely his baby.  They have a special bond and I know that no matter when it happens, he's going to have a very difficult time with losing her.  So I hope he gets some encouraging news from the vet today, but I'm preparing myself for the worst.

John Robbins personal credo ...

I have read several books by John Robbins, and they always move me. In fact, his book The Food Revolution and The China Study by T. Colin Campbell are the books that motivated me to make the switch to a plant based diet. But today I really wanted to share this, his personal credo as posted on his site, because it not only moved me, but I stand for it as well.

BEING HUMAN IN THIS WORLD

A personal credo --- John Robbins

I believe that inner peace is found when you love the world as it is, rather than faulting it for not living up to your expectations. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in accepting others for who they are. But I am part of a society that is spending far more on weapons of mass destruction and producing far more toxic waste than any other in the history of the world.

I believe in bringing a positive attitude toward life. I believe that love is stronger than fear. But our country now has more gun dealers than gas stations.

I have stood with my hand over my heart, pledging allegiance to this country and reciting the words "with liberty and justice for all." I want this nation to be the land of the free. But today a greater proportion of U.S. citizens are behind bars than any other country in the world. Many states now spend more money on prisons than on education.

I have been stirred to my core by the words and example of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. I believe in this country's promise of equal opportunity for all. But young black males now make up 6 percent of the population of this country, and 50 percent of prison inmates.

I want to uphold the brotherhood and sisterhood of all people. I believe that how we treat each other says a lot about us as people. But how do you honor the dignity and inherent worth of every human being when shoe companies are paying basketball players $20 million to endorse their shoes, while paying their workers 20 cents an hour to make them?

I believe that that every child is a precious treasure. I affirm that all children deserve to be nurtured and protected. But in this rich and prosperous country more than 25 percent of all children are living in poverty.

I have been proud of my country. But today, among the world's industrialized nations, our nation is number one in billionaires - and number one in children and elderly living in poverty. Number one in real wealth - and number one in unequal wealth distribution. Number one in big houses - and number one in homelessness.

I love the natural world, and do my best to honor the living Earth. Perhaps you do, too. But even as many of us do what we can, the tropical rainforests are being destroyed so people whose cholesterol levels are too high can eat hamburgers a quarter cent cheaper. Rainfall now often contains such high levels of pesticides that it would be illegal to sell as drinking water. And the tallest mountain on the east coast is a garbage dump.

I draw great strength from my kinship with animals. Some of my best friends have had four legs. Perhaps you, too, have had a relationship with an animal that has enriched you as a human being. But much of our food today comes from animals raised in factory farms that resemble concentration camps.

There is so much pain and death in our times. This is not an easy time to be a person of conscience and feeling. It can be terribly hard today to stay in touch with your deep soul. It can seem all but impossible to keep your love alive. The world has a way of blowing relentless hurricane winds at our little flickering candles of faith.

This is what I have to say at this time in history. I stand here in the face of the anguish of our time, and I affirm that it is possible to see it all, to gaze fully into the abyss, and yet not become bitter and broken.

I stand for this. We are not here to be defeated. Our hopes are not empty vessels holding no truth. I stand for this. Our dreams and prayers are rooted in something greater than the forces of death.

I stand for this. Our despair and fury at the world's brutalities are part of our awakening. There is something mysterious taking place in this world that is part of our healing.

I stand for this. This world is not a tragic and terrible mistake. With all its flaws, it is still a sacred path to our destiny as human beings. There is horror and agony here, yes, and it can be overwhelming. But there are also infinite opportunities for new life, beauty, and the learnings of love.

Bitter winds are howling. Let them howl. We can shelter each other and put our little flames together. Maybe then we will find ourselves better able to face adversity. Maybe then we will find that the pain we feared would destroy us rather brings us back to what gives us life.

I stand for this. There are sources of joy here, and we are here to protect them and cherish them.

I stand for this. If we meet the world with eyes that do not flinch and hearts that are open, we will find ourselves capable of what is asked of us.

I stand for this. We who are alive, with breath in our bodies and love in our hearts, have much to be thankful for.

I stand for this. In our connection with each other we are more than strong and brave. We are humble enough to be human in this world.

Weigh in day -- and I did some jogging today!

So today's weigh in was -- disappointing, frankly. After sticking to plan rigorously all week, and averaging 1436 calories (64/17/19) this week, I guess I expected a bigger loss. But I'm not going to let it get me down. I lost 0.4kg (.88 lb) this week, and a loss is a loss. I could feel myself starting to get bummed when I saw that number -- thoughts of 'WTF, I've been so good all week, this sucks', etc started to surface. But I quelled them. I will not be a slave to the scale! No matter what that number says, there were other signs this week that were very encouraging!

First, I FELT great, I felt thin and healthy and had a spring in my step all week. My bum bag (I can't call it a fanny pack anymore; fanny doesn't mean your back side in Australia, but rather the -- um -- front side!) was a lot looser around my waist though I haven't adjusted it. My clothes fit better and my hubby said he can see I'm getting smaller, at least through the upper body. Shouldn't all of these things mean way more than the number on that scale? Yup. And they do. But I'm still disappointed. What I'm not, though, is defeated! It doesn't matter. I'm feeling great eating this way, so why on earth would I quit?

Just a few short years ago I had nearly a hundred pound weight loss under my belt, and after getting stuck on a plateau for a long, long time I gave up. I let the fact that the number on the scale wasn't budging give me an excuse to throw in the towel and go back to unhealthy eating. After all, what's the point? It's not working anyway, why should I bother? Why continue to deny myself? But with that kind of thinking, the only thing I was denying myself was a healthy, fit body. So the one thing I will NOT be doing this time around is quitting.

For one thing, I don't feel I'm being denied anything -- I'm truly enjoying what I'm eating, and I'm not getting hungry. I've actually reduced the amount of food I'm putting in the lunch box this week because I can't eat it all anymore. And after dinner, I never get hungry anymore. That in itself is a major accomplishment! I'm one who was always hungry, even just an hour or two after a meal. It had to be my blood sugar levels out of whack -- and this way of eating has corrected that. So if for no other reason than that, why wouldn't I keep doing this? And as hubby reminded me, I did have a big drop last week, so really, there's no reason to be disappointed with today's number.

On another note -- I'm quite proud of myself! I went jogging this morning! OK not the whole time -- I went on my normal walk that usually takes me about 55 minutes to complete, only I added jogging intervals. Now I've done that before, and only managed to get in 2 or 3 jogging intervals, but this time I got 7 of them in there. And while I can't jog for a very long period of time, all up I spent a total of 6 minutes 15 seconds jogging this morning! For me, that's fantastic. I think if I keep that up, I'll be able to make those intervals a bit longer each time. So I'm really proud that I did that, and my walk only took 45 minutes today, so I shaved 10 minutes off my time by jogging a bit.

Hope you all had a fabulous week -- off to read some blogs.

Regarding my previous comment about boredom ...

Just an addendum to my previous post -- I didn't mean to suggest my meals get boring at all because they don't.  I know people who don't like to eat the same thing for lunch or dinner that they had yesterday, but that's definitely not me.  All my meals consist of things I really like, so I have no problem having them two or three days in a row.  I'm not sure I'd ever get BORED of the breakfast and lunch choices I have because they're delicious.

My point was that if I had more variety I know I would want to eat more. Like our Saturday lunch ritual -- every Saturday hubby and I go out to lunch.  We tend to choose from the same two or three favorite places, but because it's the one meal of the week I can get something different, something I couldn't make at home, I do tend to eat larger portions.  While I don't have breakfast on those days, it still reinforces that when I have a lot of variety in my meals, I will eat more.

I've purged myself!

Of clothes, that is.  I needed to free up some drawer space so I did a wardrobe purge.  You know -- where you go through all your clothes and pick out the stuff you haven't worn in the last two years and get rid of it.  I took a large garbage bag full to the clothing drop off bin at the store.  Hopefully someone can get some use out of that stuff, because I obviously don't.

I'm not sure why this is always hard for me -- I tend to hang on to more than I really should each time because I keep thinking I might wear it sometime.  But realistically, if you haven't worn it in two years, you're never going to.  Some things I had to ask, will I wear it once it fits?  Sometimes the answer was no, so in the bag it went.  I pitched a few of hubby's things in there as well.  Just those pull-over sweatshirt type jackets.  He always gets some for Christmas and never wears them.  He wears normal sweat shirts, but the jacket style ones we both prefer the kind that you can unzip rather than the pull-over kind, so there's really no point in hanging on to them.

I kept a few things that were tight but that I definitely WILL wear once they fit.  If I haven't fit into them by the next wardrobe purge, I told myself I would give up and get rid of them.  I say that every time -- this is it, the last time I'm going to try to lose weight, and if I don't succeed this time then I give up. I'll just resign myself to being fat for the rest of my life.  I think that's because I've been fat my entire life (except one period in 1984 where I went from 165 lbs to 125 lbs in like 2 months by only eating one small weight watchers frozen meal a day and jogging every day after work).  So I've been battling the extra weight and trying to lose it pretty much my entire life as well.

That's what started the whole problem really.  I was about 165 pounds in high school and of course I thought that was terribly fat.  So I was always dieting and trying to lose it, but 30 years of dieting only made me fatter and fatter.  So why keep trying?  I guess I can't accept that I'll never get control of this problem.  Seriously though, isn't 30 years enough?  When is it time to give up?  I don't know the answer to that, but I'm not ready to give up yet.  So off I go to make this week's shopping list and plan my healthy meals for the coming week.

You know there's an aspect of my Lunch Box Diet that has evolved to something that was suggested by Dr Oz, and I'm pretty sure Dr McDougall has said it as well -- pick one or two meals each day and have the same thing every day for those meals -- only have variety in the remaining meal.  The theory is variety makes you eat more.  When your meals are always new and interesting, you want to eat more.  But if you eat the same thing every day, you'll get bored with it and only eat what you need to actually satisfy your hunger.  The desire to overeat that particular food disappears.  Well I didn't set out to have the same meals every day, that's just how it's worked out.  I'm having the same breakfast every day, but then I generally did.  My lunchbox has kind of evolved into the one that's quickest to throw together and that tastes great, so I tend to have the same one most days.  Only my evening meals vary, and even those don't vary a lot during the week because I choose meals that make several servings.  Sometimes hubby has one of those servings, but I generally eat the same dinner two or three times during the week as well.  I'm trying to plan low cal dinners that I really like and that are quick to prepare -- don't want to be running the oven for extended periods as the weather gets warmer.

So what's on the menu for the week ahead?  Breakfast is toasted muesli (usually with a banana but I left that out last week to keep my calories lower).  My new favorite lunch box is mixed greens and raw veggies with diced veggie roast, rosemary roasted sweet potato chunks and ranch dressing.  And for dinner?  Well I can't go past my new favorite Rainy Day Lentil Soup (makes 4 generous serves for only 253 calories each) and I think for the other meals I'm going to try something I saw on TV a while back called Orange Pasta.  Instead of pasta, you use a peeler to slice carrots into thin ribbons, and then saute them for a couple of minutes just until tender, not soft.  Serve with veggies and pasta sauce for a low cal, low carb 'pasta' dish.  Sounds good, so I'll give that a try with maybe some other veggies added.  If it turns out well, I'll post my modified version of the recipe.  Here's to a great week ahead.

It's been a very good week!

WEIGH IN DAY -- This marks three weeks on the Lunch Box Diet, and even though I only graze from the lunch box during the week days when I'm at work, I think I'm still getting great results. Today's weight was 111.8 kg (246.48 lb) which is a loss of 1.4 kg (3.09 lb) since last week, and 6.6 kg (14.55 lb) overall. Since I started doing the Lunch Box Diet, I've averaged about 1.2 kg (2.65 lb) lost per week, which isn't bad at all.

In my previous post I shared an article I've seen online and in the newspaper recently claiming that rapid weight loss is better because big losses help you stay motivated. That may be true, but for me, the drastic measures I'd have to take to lose rapidly would kill my motivation. Feeling hungry or deprived or having to do excessive amounts of exercise would definitely sap my motivation, and I'd be more likely to give up because it was all too hard. What I'm doing now is producing good results, and it's DOABLE for the long haul. I think that's more important to keep me motivated.

I'm also worried about excess skin problems, which are more likely if you lose too fast. Not that I'll need to worry about that any time soon -- let's worry about the short term goals first. Right now I want to get below 200 pounds (about 90 kg). Then the next goal will be to get below 175 pounds (about 80 kg) because that's the point where I'll just be overweight, and not obese.

I will say this program does work as he says -- I'm never hungry, and my stomach must be shrinking because I've already had to buy a smaller lunch box. I just couldn't finish it all in the last week or so. Even my evenings are without hunger, despite that I'm no longer grazing at that time. I'm having a reasonable size dinner at about 6:30pm and I don't eat any more after that. I'm used to cravings hitting about 2-3 hours after dinner, but I've had no desire to eat in the evening on this plan. And I'm satisfied with my portion size -- for instance I've had my jambalaya a few times this week, and I used to always have a couple of slices of bread with it. I haven't been having those, and I'm not missing them -- and not getting hungry later. So I'm really pleased with The Lunch Box Diet so far.

Oh, I posted earlier the average nutritional stats for the meals I'd planned for the week, and I stuck to the plan fairly well, but did swap a couple of meals. So the actual average for the past week is 1570 calories per day, 59% carb/15% protein/26% fat. And yes, I've been exercising, though not to excess. This week I went walking 4 times -- twice for half an hour, and twice for an hour. My feet are definitely feeling it today -- today was really hot but I got my hour in and it feels great. I think for Christmas this year I'll ask hubby for some new walking shoes -- just love the cushion and support of new shoes.

You may have noticed my blog sub-title, that this is an evolution in body, mind and spirit.  Well I am a very spiritual person and I read a lot of spiritual/new age books but in the past week I've made it a point to find time for meditation -- I've always wanted to but never found the time.  Well now I'm making the time -- it's MY time.  When I come home stressed from work I just go in my room, close the door and put on my favorite music, whether that be my favorite artist, Jann Arden, or one of my favorite relaxation CDs, Escape: Journey of Self or Tranquility: Silence Follows Rain.  I've really enjoyed that time and it really helped me relax and renew my spirit.

Well, that's all for today -- hope you're all doing well in your journeys. :)