This is my life.
I've always had a goal for my blog. Obviously I wanted to lose weight and get healthy again, but I've wanted that for my entire adult life. I just don't seem to be able to make it happen. I'll get bursts of motivation and willpower and start again, make new plans. I'll start writing about it (in the old days in my journal, and now here in cyberspace). I'll change my diet, start a new workout routine, drink water, meditate, do whatever it takes to succeed. I read blogs by others who've been successful and draw inspiration from them. I see the support they get from other bloggers, and I think -- that's what I want. I want to be successful at this, and I want to record that journey, become part of this online community, and maybe even inspire others myself. There's nothing wrong with wanting that. The trouble is that in the back of my mind I think I sometimes let wanting to be a successful blogger interfere with being successful at getting lean, strong and healthy. I lose sight of the main goal.
I'm happy to blog each and every day when I'm following my plan, doing the things I'm supposed to be doing, and heading in the direction I want to be headed. It makes for pretty boring reading, I'm sure. But then I'll slip -- have something I know I shouldn't. I thought sharing every morsel of my food intake would help me be 'accountable' but it actually has the opposite effect when I have what I shouldn't have or, God forbid, give in to a binge. Because now I'll have to record THAT as well, I mean what are the alternatives, right? I won't lie and say I had a good day when I didn't, so the only alternative is to stop posting so I don't have to 'fess up. But 'fessing up is what I NEED to do. Maybe that's how you work through your weight-loss demons and get your life back.
So after taking a break and having a good think about it, I've decided that this blog is supposed to be about me. My life. And my life has struggles, successes, and sometimes failures. I've got to put it all out there, and not worry that I'm failing (once again) or not living up to anyone's expectations (including my own) about what kind of blog I should be writing, or whether others might find interesting enough to bother reading.