So outta control
Let's just start with the good news for today. Weigh-in was 112 kg (246.92 lb) which is a loss of 0.8 kg (1.76 lb) since last week. Good -- not as good as it looked on Wednesday, but we won't quibble with a loss. Oh, and I did a full hour walk today, with a couple of inclines. So I was going great! Then, for whatever reason, I ate off plan. Like way off. Like out of control, I have no idea what came over me. After Thai vegetarian satay take away for lunch, I later had peanut butter on toast, pizza, garlic bread, and even some chocolate brownies. I wouldn't be surprised if today's count is over 3,000 calories. Seriously, WTF?
These kinds of days always catch me off guard because I'll do fine for weeks and then wham, a day like this hits me. I'll be right back on track tomorrow, I know that, I'm not about to let one day make me give up. But I want to know WHY I let this happen? What more evidence do I need that this is no longer acceptable behavior? The before photos weren't enough? The support structure under the couch cushion is broken just in the spot where I sit? Oh, and let's not forget my shoulder -- who the hell incurs a rotator cuff tear by pushing themselves up out of bed at night to pee? Someone who is obese, that's who. Do you know, when I was getting checked in for surgery, even the anesthesia staff that came to get me were like, 'Wow, it's not a mistake, it's a woman! Rotator cuff tears are always men, you know -- athletes.'
I'm not dwelling on this. I'm not beating myself up or letting negative self-talk get the best of me, really I'm not. I'm just trying to figure out what makes me tick so I can maybe stop it from happening next time.