Enough!
That's it. I'm officially heavier now than when I began this journey. I
have been as high as 296 pounds before I moved to Australia, and was
about 278 when I moved here. In those first 3 years here I managed to
get down to 250. Then just under 200 -- wasn't that divine! That was
using Jenny Craig, and since I plateaued and quit that program, I soon
went back to 250 again.
So this blog has basically been about my
efforts to get my weight moving in the right direction again, and I've
gone up and down and up and down for the last few years now. It's SO
frustrating!
Those of you who've been with me for a while will
know that for about a year I was really going strong -- eating right,
measuring and counting everything, and also working out and walking
HEAPS. Still -- the dreaded plateau hit and it all stopped before going
back up again. It always does. No matter how hard I try, no matter
what method I use, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. But fight
it I must anyway. Because what I've proven recently is that if I quit
fighting, I will very quickly regain weight. I'm nearly 260 pounds
again and I'm SO afraid of going back up.
I'm sick of the fight,
sick of trying, and sick of failing. It's SO easy to just give up, but I
really don't want to do that. So here I go ... trying to find the
motivation to keep fighting. Is it worth it? Even if I never lose any
more weight, and all it does is stop me from gaining again? Probably.
OK yes, it's worth it. So why can't I seem to get back on track?
At
least when I was walking and eating right for a year, even though the
weight stalled, I kept going because I had it in me -- I was motivated
and I really wanted to do it. Lately I don't. I'm not sure how to get
that fire back inside me, but I really need to do it. Because
continuing to move upward is just not an option.