Many thanks to Lori at Finding Radiance for posting this video - it really is eye opening, isn't it?
I
started dieting in middle school. When I was in middle school and high
school, I was overweight, but not obese. So I began a life-long habit
of dieting that caused me to balloon to nearly 300 pounds. These days I
tend to hover between 225 and 235 pounds. If I could go back and tell
my younger self to STOP the insanity of dieting when I weighed 150
pounds (165 in high school) I could have saved myself years of agony
and eventual obesity. And I see the same behaviors in young women today
-- my own nieces included. I don't know how we put an end to it, I wish
I did.
Posted By: Anna down under
Comments to this post:
12/21/2009 11:06
:(
I think it has a lot to do with becoming what we think we are - the more we think we are fat the fatter we get!
I was never satisfied and thought I was too fat for any guy to like me. I hung out in a small click of several guys and girls, and I figured the guys only liked the thinner girls, not me. After all, they never asked me out. Many years later I ran in to two of these guys, J and T. It was their 20 year reunion (they were a grade above me) and they wanted to meet up with me and go out for dinner the night before. So I did. For the next couple of weeks I stayed in touch with J by email, and he told me that they had liked me in high school. He reminded me that T had taken me on a 'date' to watch the fireworks in the park one year. I said that wasn't a date, we were just friends (I would have known, I had a crush on the guy!) But he insisted - he said that T thought it was a date. Wow -- clearly I'd been oblivious and missed out on an opportunity there.
Then J told me that he himself had secretly had a crush on me in high school but was too shy to ever say anything to me about it. There were some obvious signs, looking back on it -- but I was oblivious at the time because I'd convinced myself I was too fat, no one would ever like me, and I'd be alone. So that became my reality.
The sad thing is, I still do that to myself. When I met my husband online in 2001, I convinced myself it was too good to be true, and as soon as he saw my picture he'd disappear. He didn't. He said I was beautiful. When it was time to meet him in person for the first time, I freaked thinking he'd realize what he'd gotten himself into, but he was wonderful to me. I was not used to someone loving me unconditionally, because I couldn't even love myself unconditionally. No matter what I thought of my looks -- he, in fact, thought I looked beautiful. He later said the only thing that might have scared him off was my low opinion of myself. I'm glad it didn't and he stuck it out.
I think this will be a lifelong battle for me -- even if I am successful at reaching my goal weight, I think I'll be one of those who's still the 'fat girl' inside. It could take a long time to shake that.
