POOF!!!!! At 10:04 PM last night I turned back into a pumpkin. I official turned 37 and ended up my unexpected hiatus. Thank you for the birthday well wishes, btw. The stress of everything just kept building right before the holidays and I decided I needed a brain break so I decided to (TRY) to not worry about the business, financial woes, messes (for the most part), strict healthful eating and exercise. The one that bothered me the most in missing was exercise and the one that was hardest to keep out of my mind was financial woes. I had also been somewhat depressed losing my JC counselor and The Biggest Loser finale the same week. Yes, I know a new one started but since the last show started a little bit after I started my plan I got a little too attached, but I watched the first episode and recorded the new one. I had been so worried about every little thing that I knew I was going to crack so I told my family (people only in my house, LOL) that it was an experiment. I would do my best not to beat myself up about whatever I did and that I would get on track after the holidays. Originally, I hoped to get back on track after Christmas and be full force at the start of the New Year but I got thrown a few curve balls. Really, the only one that has control over me is me and I accept responsibility for my actions but I admit to getting distracted by everyone in the house taking days off over the last few weeks (all different days) so there was someone to "entertain" pretty much every day up until this week. If you've ever worked from home you know what I mean. Some days I feel like everyone's personal assistant/maid.
I've been walking the dogs with my dad over the last few weeks and did a little bit of working out, but not my usual pace and I started to feel sluggish and in a little pain- a reminder of why I am doing this. It's about getting in shape and getting healthier in body and mind. The time I spent not thrown into a "program" made me notice a lot more of the little things that my focus has kept me from really thinking about I think. My mom made a comment about going to Grand Lux Cafe and I said that I would prefer a local bar and grill that I go to every Thursday night. My reasoning is that it's safe-I know (approximately) what I am consuming. They have grilled chicken and veggies, reasonable sized cheeseburgers, etc. so in my mind it is manageable. She then proceeded to tell me that I am no fun any more. I just wasn't ready for it even though I've experienced it in the past. When I lost the weight and didn't feel like going somewhere I was no longer fun. I've changed. Blah, blah, blah. The funny thing is that I don't think I'm anywhere near as bad as I was before. I'm actually fairly flexible. It's just that I had eaten my way (weigh, haha) through 2 holidays and I didn't want my birthday to be the grand finale in that way-it was just too much to me all together. Well, we didn't end up going.
My in-laws wanted to take me out last night but they chose the restaurant so I just sort of went with the flow. We went to Chili's. It was really too late for me to be eating (about 8:30ish) but I did my best. I've only been to Chili's once or twice so I didn't really have a plan. It kills me to go to a restaurant and pay $10-15 for grilled chicken when I can make it at home for a few bucks so I try to get something that won't do too much damage but is still different. I ended up getting the mushroom jack fajitas and was just going to eat the skillet part (not the tortillas or side stuffs). Well, I guess I had chicken on the brain and didn't realize it was steak which was actually fortuitous because the steak was very fatty and after 3 mouthfuls of fat, I spit the last out completely and gave up on the meal. I had a few bites of my mother in laws mashed potatoes and 2 ribs which I felt forced to eat (she's a feeder). I also picked on chips and salsa and had a few bites of my birthday dessert. It could have been worse. I could have loved the meal and eaten every bite in addition to eating the other things! I think it was good because I was sort of looking forward to getting back on track.
I have not been to JC to meet with my new consultant. The money issues have been really getting to me and, to be honest, I've been living off of my credits cards and it's now time to pay up. I told them that I was going to take a month off to get my finances back on track and I'm really hoping that it will be cleaned up by then but I'm not so sure it's going to be enough time. We'll see. Luckily, I do have a plan as backup and have done ok so far today. I had been eating regular cereal for a while and supplementing with a few of the breakfast sandwiches. I bought some Lean Pockets, Lean Cuisine, 100 calorie packs, etc. Most of it was on sale (YAY). I've been tracking on The Daily Plate again and drinking lots of water. I also did a 45 min. workout and will walk the dogs tonight. I'm considering going back to the WW points system so that if I am grabbing things on the go I do have something to refer to. We'll see. If I do enough ebay and can get a handle on the finances I will feel better going back.
As far as my weight goes, I'm estimating that I have gained about 3-4 pounds. I can't be 100% sure because there was never an exact correlation to the scale at home and the one at my center. I am up about 2 pounds from my last JC weight based on my weight from my scale. We'll see what happens over the week and I'm glad to be back on track.
Happy New Year to all of you! I wish you health, happiness and the joy of discovering a new you this year.
Well I had my final weigh-in with my original JCC. I wanted to give her a big send off so I really worked my butt off. I didn't get a HUGE loss like I was hoping for because Christmas shopping, errands and just life have gotten in the way. I am not on my "normal" routine. I still lost 2.4 pounds though, which I consider fairly successful. I've learned to use the scale as a tool. I get on in the morning when I first get up and often before I go to bed at night. It helps me to see the fluctuations and somehow I've learned not to get obsessed about it. The numbers just give me feedback. I'm convinced that not getting on the scale is what got me to the weight I was at. I was just in denial of those numbers and even though we can't focus on the number too much, we also can't ignore it.
I did my usual "last chance workout" on Wednesday and noticed last night that I was at 15,203 steps on my pedometer. I think that has been my biggest number yet.
My next weigh-in is January 3rd. I decided to not put that pressure on myself right after Christmas and I'm also using it to see how I do. I'm hoping to keep myself in check but if I'd like to indulge in something I will and not beat myself up over it. My goal is to refrain from binging or overindulging, but if I want to eat something I want to enjoy it and not worry about it. I also want to get in as much activity as I can. I know that will be a challenge especially this week, but I'm going to try. If I keep getting on the scale every day, I should be able to keep myself in check and correct any indulgences by my next weigh-in. These are the skills that help us maintain, so I'm trying to incorporate them when I can. If I notice a small gain and tackle it right away, I will not be in a situation like I was when I started JC.
I hope you all have a Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and joyous holidays whatever you celebrate!
It isn't always easy, but this week has been particularly difficult for me. There is really no big standout reason, just little things that build up and have the potential to be very dangerous for my progress and/or maintenance. I know that this is a *major* realization because these times are when I would normally have a setback, slide into old habits, etc.-basically turn to food.
Right now it is like all of the planets are lined up in a negative way for me. This week is my last consult with my JCC. I will be meeting with someone new next visit. Also, the season finale of The Biggest Loser was tonight. I use that as motivation. The first few seasons I found Jillian to be quite obnoxious. This season she became my motivation. Every Wednesday I use the previous night's episode to motivate me in my "last chance" workout. I know that a new season will be starting but I've grown accustomed to this routine so, in a way, I feel like I'm going into a new part of my weight loss similar to when "The Biggest Loser" constestants probably feel when they have to go home and use what they've learned until the finale (and hopefully for life). I know I must sound melodramatic but we find our weight loss routines and stick with them because they work for us. Mine is now changing and I have to adapt.
Today was also very trying. I've been trying to work on some business gifts and I have the visually artistic version of writer's block. It's very frustrating and stressful to have the need to create something on a deadline and just not have "IT" No matter what I did nothing was working. I know that ultimately I am responsible for maintaining control but I must admit that thiss is the first time I felt a knot in my stomach that was really about feeling like an alcoholic. I wasn't hungry, was craving anything particular, wasn't even interested in the taste of food, per se, it was more about the act of eating and it is even hard to put into words. The act of distraction and old habits, relief, maybe connecting with something. I found myself going to the pantry several times to find "something" to snack on. Well, I stayed on track for the most part. I had an extra snack during the day but it was a JC snack (130 cals). I've been eating about 50% JC food lately. Often my dinners have been things my family has been eating. I try to keep my portions reasonable, drink lots of water and exercise. My goal really has been to maintain over the holidays, although it would always be nice to lose a little bit. I'm not going to JC between Christmas and New Year's. I've got family coming into town and have lots planned and may be going out of town for a few days. My plan is to make sure I exercise every day-some type of activity and cardio.
Oh, I got my hair done today. Not the usual root touch up and cut either. The original plan was to get a new look when I hit 50 pounds lost but I decided to do it for the holidays instead. I'll have to post a pic or two soon.
Well, I don't have much else to add. I'm going to bed now and hoping (and praying) I wake up inspired to create something tomorrow.
As you can see, I haven't been able to post as much. My notebook has been "on the fritz". Can I tell you that it sucks?!?! LOL. It ended up being sent out for a new motherboard. At first it was just a wireless issue and when I was getting ready to back it up before sending it out I couldn't even get it to boot up. Eventually, after some troubleshooting, I was able to get it started and back up as much as I could. I ended up just taking the hard drive out before I sent it because I'm paranoid and didn't have time to wipe the drive and reinstall the OS. I had been procrastinating to to try and make it past the holidays to send it back but I was worried because, even though it was a "known issue", it would have been out of warranty and I really don't need any more headaches. I was dreading being without it because I don't really have a car right now so I've been doing my Christmas shopping online, LOL. I must admit that HP was fairly quick in the whole process. My notebook was out of my hands for about 3 days, which was fairly impressive. Although, this is the 3rd or 4th issue I've had with it, LOL. I usually buy Dell computers but I took a chance on this with a great price at the time. HP support seems to be much better than Dell, but reliability is a huge issue. I'm at a stalemate when it comes to an opinion.
Ok, to the weight loss. I've lost a total of 38 pounds officially and was finally able to get under 280 on the scale at home. I was hoping to get down to (officially) 275 by Christmas but I would be happy to maintain and not gain over the holidays. We'll see what happens.
My JCC is leaving the company for personal reasons and I was pretty bummed about it. I am glad she is going to take care of herself and wish nothing but the best for her. She's a great person. At the same time I do wonder what will happen with my state of mind. I went in to Jenny skeptical that I would have any type of success but did try to keep an open mind. The biggest thing I told myself is that I wasn't really there for support. It was really a last ditch effort before doing whatever I had to do to come up with the money for weight loss surgery. I'd heard so many stories about how some counselors/consultants were "all business", by the book, etc. I'm a creative person, done the weight loss thing so many times and told myself that I will just go there, weigh, get my food. Well, we clicked (for me anyway) and I will definitely miss her. She's been a source of support and doesn't really beat me up about stuff because she knows I'm my worst critic and harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. I'm trying to keep an open mind and we'll see what happens. I have no intention of quitting but I don't know if I will have that cosmic magic that happens when you find the right person to guide you. If I don't, that's ok. I will go for my weigh in, food and keep going. I've lost more than 10% of my body weight! It's been little by little and I'll keep working at it like that.
Nobody has really approached me and told me they've noticed, except for my parents and husband (all of them I live with, so I ask them all the time anyway! LOL) but people outside of the house-nobody has noticed! This didn't seem like a big deal to me until this past week when I was carrying this heavy box of books upstairs to put away. I was huffing and puffing a tad when I got up the stairs and started to wonder about it. I decided to weigh the box before I put it away and found out it was 38.8 pounds! Then I had to lift it again several times to wrap my brain around it. I'm always trying to use comparisons but that was so much more tangible because I was carrying it around, not just lifting it and it was compact enough to comprehend really. The box was big but concentrated and put the weight into perspective. This is when I became amazed that no one has really noticed! It's ok. Everyone is wrapped up in their own things, especially at this time of year. That is another thing that gets me. That it doesn't bother me all that much that nobody has mentioned it. I'm doing it for me anyway, but we tend to feed off of it and be motivated by it naturally. I think it's especially true for over achievers/type a's or approval seekers.
Not a drastic change in clothes yet but I did have to buy some new jeans because some have just gotten way to sloppy looking. I can pull most pants down without unbuttoning/unzipping them. I ended finding some drawstring waist jeans and some elastic waist. I know they might seem a little old ladyish but I've got proportional issues, LOL. Hey, I'm going to be 37 in a few weeks so I am getting up there.
Anyway, I tried on my engagement ring which has been tight since the wedding (eek). It fit!!!! That was nice. My knees aren't hurting much any more. Every once in a while I might have a problem when I put a little too much into my workout but, for the most part, not too bad. I was also able to jog a bit this week with the dogs. Not for an extended period of time, just here and there for a few hundred feet. It was nice not to have my chest feel like it was going to collapse and my knees not being sore. I had completely forgotten about my knee problems while I was doing it actually. This is crazy to me because I know I still have a lot to lose. I didn't expect such a drastic change in my aches and pains so quickly.
I haven't gotten done anywhere near what I had planned to do before Christmas. Normally this would send me into some type of panic attack but it hasn't this year. I'm a little disappointed but I know that expectations of what will get done virtually will always exceed what ends up getting done. There are a few things I would really really like to get done so we'll see how far I get this week.
I'm really hoping to get caught up with everyone soon. My email is so backed up and I haven't gotten to catch up on everyone's blogs. It sucks because they are so motivating to me. I know after Christmas things will calm down a little (I hope) and I'll be able to. Thanks for all of the support and comments. It is so motivating to have the support of everybody here and a couple of other groups I belong to. There are days when I thought I might give up and didn't because of you fine people. I hope you all have wonderful holidays, prosperous and slimmer New Years and the confidence and determination to keep going! We can do this.
I forgot to mention that I added some progress photos. Also, I have lost a total of 32.6 pounds and 27.25 inches (based on hip, abdomen, waist and chest)
The wireless internet on my notebook is dead, but I am hoping to write a post soon to update all. I just wanted to let anyone (if there is anyone) reading this that I am still alive! I also lost 1.4 pounds over the last couple of weeks which included Thanksgiving, our 2nd wedding anniversary and my husband almost losing a job again! (Yes, the economy is really killing the start of our journey together, hahahaha)
I will have more to share soon and lots of it good!
I realize that I've appeared absent lately and I really don't mean to be. I guess I'm just really struggling with the questions I'm sure a lot of people deal with when there are life challenges. My belief is that we are given only what God knows we can handle and I know we will get through it. I'm also grateful for what I have in terms of a roof over my head and a supportive family. There's no way for me to put all of what my brain is processing into words here. My family has been through a lot. My dad has been in a plane crash and survived,. He deals with nerve damage and PTSD, etc. My mom has health problems that haven't been completely diagnosed for several years and deals with a lot of pain. My father in law had a brain tumor several years ago, had most of it removed and now it is back. My mother in law is in her 70s still working hard to support her family but going strong as best she can. That doesn't even cover the rest of my family, LOL.I realize that I've appeared absent lately and I really don't mean to be. I guess I'm just really struggling with the questions I'm sure a lot of people deal with when there are life challenges. My belief is that we are given only what God knows we can handle and I know we will get through it. I'm also grateful for what I have in terms of a roof over my head and a supportive family. There's no way for me to put all of what my brain is processing into words here. My family has been through a lot. My dad has been in a plane crash and survived,. He deals with nerve damage and PTSD, etc. My mom has health problems that haven't been completely diagnosed for several years and deals with a lot of pain. My father in law had a brain tumor several years ago, had most of it removed and now it is back. My mother in law is in her 70s still working hard to support her family but going strong as best she can. That doesn't even cover the rest of my family, LOL.
When I decided to recommit myself to college and finish, it was so that I could make a difference in this world. I wanted to be able to take care of my family and do something to do good things, however small. I admit to being obsessed sometimes with making others happy and being concerned more about others. Maybe in some ways it is a need to make up for being a selfish and lazy young person. I wanted to make my family proud, know that they would not always be worried about me and be able to take care of them when it was time to. I am the only child and I know that my parents wanted me to be in a better position that they were. It just didn't work out that way.
I met a good man, got married, we both lost our jobs right after and sold our home to move in with my parents. Yes, I still believe everything happens for a reason and that we're only given what we can handle. We are now coming up on our 2nd anniversary tomorrow and not much has changed. Actually, my husband finally got a decent job in August but was almost let go last week. I've been struggling to start a business and it is really slow going. It is just frustrating.
Maybe the anniversary has me reflecting on where we are and where we are going. We were married Thanksgiving weekend 2 years ago and I am grateful but at the same time wondering when our situation will improve. My parents house is starting to need some serious work and they can't afford and I can't help. My husband and I haven't had the opportunity to think about whether we want to have kids because we can't afford to. I would never intentionally do something like that in our position. All of this sounds like whining to me which then makes me feel guilty because I should be grateful-vicious circle! I'll be 37 January 8th and I know it's time to make things happen. If it's in our plan to have children then we will and things will work out eventually-they always do. It is just a helpless feeling sometimes, I guess, and I'm trying to deal with it.
I hope everyone has had a wonderful Thanksgiving! The start of this season usually provides me with a hopeful feeling. I wish that all of you are blessed with health, peace and love that continues through the season and beyond.
PS... My weigh in is usually on Thursdays so I did not have a weigh in but will be going this coming Thursday. My eating has not been on track. Our anniversary is tomorrow but I'm hoping to make it through that and get back to the grindstone right after.
When I decided to recommit myself to college and finish it was so that I could make a difference in this world. I wanted to be able to take care of my family and do something important to make it a better place. I admit to being obsessed sometimes with making others happy and being concerned more about others and forgetting about myself.
I only lost a pound this week, but that is a good thing. A pound is a pound and better lost than gained. The last few weeks have been rough b/c there's been so much going on. I was getting ready for a yard sale, trying to get rid of a storage unit, I got sick, Betsy (pup) got sick. It really has been distracting and hard to really stay on program. Last week I was rewarded with a 5 pound loss which is the biggest drop I've had (although it was over 2 weeks b/c I skipped a weigh in b/c I was too sick to go).
It's been a good week this week. I finally started getting back into my routine. I was able to do some dvd workouts and have a few days of clean eating. The nights have been difficult b/c my head is telling me that I'm hungry and eventually my stomach starts to growl so I argue with it for a while and have a big glass of water. If it doesn't go away I do some damage control. I've been trying to find healthier alternatives to munch on. The other night I had a small BabyBel Light wheel and some vegatable crisps.
The thing that is the best about this whole thing is that I'm learning to stick with it. Had I not been with Jenny I could have easily slipped back into old habits and stayed there and, while I still have a lot to lose, I've made too much progress to go backwards. These are the things that will help me maintain b/c that is what it's all about-getting back on track.
It was nice to log in and see all my posts back. I took a little hiatus from JC last week b/c of my illness but I did go this week. My loss this week was 5.2 for a total of 30.2 pounds since I started August 23rd. Things have been extremely hectic lately and this was a nice push in the right direction which I definitely needed. I've been kind of blah lately. I'm getting ready for a yard sale this weekend and faced with getting rid of (letting go of) a lot of "stuff". I really need to so I can move on with my life and de-clutter but it doesn't make it any easier. We've combined households and I have to accept the changes and realize it's for the best.
My poor puppy Betsy (she's 10 months old, but she'll always be a puppy to me) is sick. She usually has a cast iron stomach but she can't keep anything down so I've got to take her to the vet today. I'm worried about her, but hoping everything is ok and she's just got a bug.
I hope to post more (and catch up with everyone else too) after the yard sale and gain some real momentum with everything.
Well, my $72 weight loss "tool" seems to be working great so far now that I can't reflect on previous posts, LOL. Oh well. I guess it's time to start over. I'll post more later and I guess I won't be catching up on everyone else's blogs now, LOL. Well at least the downer will save me some time as I seriously doubt the posts will be returning.
One note I wanted to touch upon is...
CONGRATULATIONS ANDREA!!!! On reaching your 100 pound mark. That is amazing and, had I not been sick this week, I would have posted sooner. I was so happy to see this when I logged on to the group. Keep up the great work. Your progress is amazing and one of my major inspirations-especially after this week which was a total excuse to stray from the "program". Sore throats and I don't go together very well.
