Monday's always seem to be so hectic for me for some reason. I guess its just getting back in the swing of the weekly activities. Go to the gym, go grocery shopping and get DH to get back into his routine. He's fine when he goes to work at night but on Mondays he has to get up early to go to the office to have the weekly meeting. Soo.. it's kind of hard considering he's use to staying up until like at least 3 or 4 and he has to be there by 7. So yeah, fun Mondays. So not much to report to my trip to my parents this past weekend. My mom is on a diet as well and she is doing really well. So the temptation wasnt really there. Just enjoyed the time with my family. I am HUGE mommy AND daddy's girl. I just love them soo much. Through teenage years I was a really good kid, never skipped school or anything bad like that. I just had a really snotty attitude towards my parents. I was really rude. Then through the process of highschool I went through some tough things, you know the usual tough break ups, big best friend fights.. but then I also had some pretty serious things happen. For a while I went through a few months of waiting to see if I had cancer, and then my senior year I had the worst case of 'mono". Which upset me until no end because I didnt have a boyfriend that whole year. So how did I end up with the "kissing disease"lol. It ends up you can get it from a water fountain, or the exchange of cash, or basically anything. But I was out of school and work for two weeks because I was so sick. I even made a few trips to the hospital because I got dehydrated. Anyways, after all that my opinion of my parents changed and I realized that my parents really are my best friends forever. I did have good friends that checked up on me but my parents went through and did so much for me. Then after DD I realized even more why I loved them so much. So now I dont know what I'd do if I had to be out of state or even worse two states.lol. So I came back here Saturday night and DH got home early Saturday afternoon. Just in time for Mother's Day. We went out to eat at Chili's. Our meeting ground because he dosent like mexican food and Chili's offers different options. Well, I know officially hate Chili's. Came home checked their nutrition info. My plate was over 1800 calories! That's not including the chips I had or my breakfast and lunch before that. It was fajita quesodillas. I thought, well fajitas are actually pretty healthy and not high in calories so this plate will be perfect. Yeah, riggghht. So now I am boycotting resteraunts until my birthday or DH wants to go out (which is barely ever) because resteraunts are shady. How they pact that many calories into things blows mind. One day I'm going to learn my lesson about doing calories before I eat it. Every time I think I learn I go back and do the same thing. But I started back on my normal routine today and I'm not looking back.*sigh* this weight loss thing is so furstrating. But other than that, nothing new. I'm back to my regular weigh ins on wensday. Today shows a one lb gain. (rolls eyes) go figure! So thats that ladies. I hope all of you had a wonderful mother's day and a great weekend. Now I'm off to catch up.
Just wanted to write a short post and say I'm alive. I've been missing for a few days because I made a trip to my mother's house for a few days. DH was out of town and I usually go stay with my parents because DH and I both feel safer. Not that we live in a bad neighborhood. I dunno I guess we are just paranoid about it. Anyways, I will catch up and catch up with all of you ladies tommorow. I just want to pass out tonight. Sorry. Happy Mother's Day btw.
real reason why I really need to face this weight head on. Ever since DD I am constantly tired. CONSTANTLY. There have even been some moments where I have accidently feel asleep with DD. Luckily, DH has been home each time. But it worries the heck out of me and DH too. He gets paranoid that I'm doing it when hes gone. Which I havent but dont blame him because it freaks me out too.So I kind of knew that it could be weight related but blew it off because it didnt seem like it had been happening forever so it couldnt happen now. But DH has also been on me latley about me sounding in his words "like a freight train coming through". Sweet isnt he?lol I blew him off thinking maybe I snored a little but he was probably being overdramatic. But then when I looked up what may be causing my sleepiness the number one reason was sleep apnea. One in four Americans have it. It usually causes you to snore and then pause for a few second or even a few minutes and during those pauses you quit breathing! So needless to say it can turn bad really quickly. The sleep apnea and the short loss of breathing causes you to wake up but not long enough for you usually to remember it. And I guess for somepeople if its repetitive throughout the night can make you really tired the whole day. I mean I havent been to the doctor so I dont know and it says its even hard for a doctor to diagnose because there is no blood test the can give you obviously but I'm pretty sure this is what is happening and mabye I've just finally hit that age where it's affect my health too. I want to be around for DD and DH and the fact that sleep apnea can turn for the worst really scares me. Scares me enough to get even more serious about this whole process so I can eliminate sleep apnea out if it isnt that. Go figure, I already thought I was serious but this had definatly change my view on a lot of things so I guess I was wrong. I'm going to record myself tonight with a tape recorder from when I went to college. Hopefully I'll be able to catch something to give me more insight. The scale was down a little more today not by much though. I weighed in at 196.4. But hey, it's still better than being in the 200s. Goodnight ladies. I'm going to try to catch up with all of you.
complications! That's how today went. So the first thing I did was grab my camera expecting to take a exciting picture of onderland. Got my camera, went to go weight myself....wait... I still dont have my scale! DH was passed out by 8 this morning so this meant I was going to have to weigh after I got back from the gym.( I went today because I missed yesterday) So I did my tiime at the gym and came home excited to weigh in. So after teasing me a little bit saying it wasnt time yet DH went and fetched the scale. Again I got my camera headed to the scale got on. "Lo" and then it shut off. WTH? My batteries were non-existent in it. So I was still in good spirits went and go my remote and put them in again it said Lo. So I guess I have a very picky scale. So a few hours later I went and got some AA batteries. Came home and got my camera got on the scale...lol... my camera finally decided it was tired of living and died permanently on me. Ugh... SO.. after a very complicated trial I weighed in at 197.6!!! But I dont have any pictures. I wanted you to see my excitement. The weigh in was after all my meals and snack so I might be down a little bit more tommorow morning and as soon as I get a new camera I will be sure to show progress pictures and the scale picture. Tax return should be her soon so maybe I'll be able to use that. We are planning on moving into a house this summer though so we are saving as much as possible so Im not sure if I'll be able to get it out of the penny pinch DH that I have. But I am in onderland. YAY!!Good night girls.
the month long weigh in. Ughh.. I dont think I'll try this again. But I do think I'll be able to only to once a week now.I'm sooo nervous. The trip was...stressful. Just full of comments that I wasnt very fond of. The list could be a while so I wont get there. We did go to this resteruant that I really enjoy called Flanigan's. They have these tumblers that I really like to reuse. So I kept mine and his grandmother was nice enough to offer up her's and also said I could take Shelby's(the aunt). Well, lol, I guess Shelby didnt like that because she took it home and took it to bed with her. Now, every time we go there.. she never takes home the cup and everytime she goes to bed she never takes a drink or food or anything in there with her. So I cant help but think it was doen intentional. Nothing that was done there was too hurtful, annoying and immature maybe, but not hurtful. The only thing that really hurts my feelings is this....(long) Shelby takes lots of pictures of animals,family, stupid stuff... LIke I mean sooo many that if you skim through them with the arrow button the cat(ex) looks like it's litteraly moving in the camera frame by frame.(did that makes sense?) And the cat could just be laying down moving her head. Well, anyways, Shelby is obbessed with Michael's sister Michelle. Like she would go broke for Michelle and gets her everything she needs. Michelle will come over there whenever we are down there to come see us and DD and Shelby at some point will go get her camera but DD on Michelle's lap and take a lot ofpictures. If DD goes to DH she will take a lot of pictures of that. If DD gets down TONS of pictures. But if DD comes to me shelby will take the camera put it back in the case and put it back up. This hurts my feelings.. a lot. To a random stranger looking at the pictures they would think Michelle is the mother of my DD because that's all there is and she does look like my daughter because her and my hubby are twins. And DD as almost all the similarities of my DH.I guess its just a big slap in the face because when something does happen to where DH's grandparents pass away, Shelby wont be able to take care of herself. Michelle wont take her in and Shelby's brother and sister definatly wont take care of her. So Michael and I will most likely be the ones to take her in and give her somewhere to stay. So for someone that pushes me out of the family so much and me to be the one that will rescue her here because DH really dosent want her to stay with us either, it just kind of breaks my heart to know that. The grandparents were really pleasant now. DH grandmother has a tendancy to talk about people all the time. Me, some stranger next to her, just anyone. Which everyone does it even though it may not be right. But she's not quite about it. You can either hear whats she's saying or you can kinda tell she's talking about you. We went to a casino Friday night and she sat right next to this lady that was really into it. Smacking the machine,tapping the window, you know the works. And although it was kind of entertaining DH and I dont say anything to each other. Grandmother was sitting right next to her though, turns around to us on the opposite side (we were standing behind her waiting for them to be done and the drawing) says pretty loudly and facial expressions do you see her, what a freak! And does this like 20 times in a five minute waiting period. At one point I wanted to tell her to stop because I thought it was really rude because the lady looked like it was upsetting her. But I didnt because I didnt want to be dissrespectful to her or cause any problems. I've accepted thats just the way they are and push everything to the side because they wont change. But they just arent the type of people that you'd want to have as friends.DH was actually ready to leave on Sat because he was so annoyed by what they were saying but I told him that we only see them once in a while and we should spend time with them. Lol.. so whatd hubby do? He agreed but we left at 4am the next morning. Anyways, I'll be back on, later tonight to check on all of you but I just wanted to post real quick to update what happened over the weekend. Oh btw.. eating was decent. Friday I had about 1600 calories and Sat, and Sun were in the 1800 range. It's not great by any means and it was a lot of eating out. But just last easter it was much much worse so I am getting better. Happy Cinco de Mayo also. I celebrated with Mexcian last night hence the 1800 calories. But it was gooood. And I'm satisfied.Take care everyone.
I thought of a the perfect song to go along with my last post. So I dunno play it while you read? Actually just thought I would post a song with the mood I was in. You dont really have to listen to it.
So just today I wrote about how I wasnt stressing. But then after I wrote it I started freaking out. Not about the weekend trip but about weigh in. I expect so much, more than four pounds but what if I dont get that. I've been so good will that mean I'm doing something wrong.And I took my stress out on something else and didnt feel right about it. I wrote it to my FIT girls. Luckily only three people read it. So even though no ones really read it I apologize. It's totally out of charecter. Out of my character. I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight. *sigh* Tonights episode is exactly why I loved and still love the show so much. It really has nothing to do with medicine and everything to do with drama. I wont talk about what happened. Because I dont want to spoil it for those who havent watched it(like I did iwth the Hills. Sorry Gellis!) I can totally relate to one character, though. Izzie has been having problems for the past two seasons. She thinks with her heart most of the time and although she has the best of intentions she fails miserably. One episode she was having a break down and did cpr on a deer! She just is a really sweet person but either gets to involved or just doesnt except the wrong that she's done. She's just kept walking around thinking about her constant f-ups. Now I'm not likely to do cpr on a deer because well um... I hunt so thats just not likely to happen. But I am a very very sweet person. Once people get to know me I am one of the most sincere people you will ever meet. I care about everyone and think nothing of myself. Everyone is first before me. Because I've always felt that if I can make everyone else happy then I will be happy. Just so many things have happened in my life. A lot of good things I have done or put my heart into have just shattered to pieces right in front of my face. So not only do I have to walk away knowing that it didnt work for me but I have these shattered piece in me to constantly remind me everyday. I need friends down here. I desperatley need girl friends. But for some reason I just dont want to try. I dont want one more person snickering up there nose at me. It it prevents me of doing my job. My job of being a good person and a happy person. I use DD as an excuse because I say its to hard to focus on a convo. because I constantly have to keep her out of stuff. And although it is very complicated it would not stop me. So just like Izzie I keep looking for that one "patient" that will make everything else redeemable. Now for me it isnt a person. Its just me trying to make up for all the bad things that has happened to me. The things I have no explanation for. Now, in reality I know the past is the past. Bad people are meant to be in your life for a reason. I believe they show you why you should cherish the good people even more in your life. And show you just how much those good people do that they dont have to. I'm not straying but I just realized that I still have more growing to do. Ah.. I think I'm done jotting down my thoughts. I guess my major goal after all of this is to be a lot less like Izzie and learn to be a lot more of me again. Good night all. I have to go pack so no responding tonight. Sorry, I typed to long. We are leaving early in the am like 2 or 3 so I have to get started.
Ok hopefully I wont press any bad buttons. And can complete this.DD was still hurting yesterday and the night was still full of wake up calls but not as bad as the two days prior. So far so good today. She looks like she's in better spirits.Yesterday I was able to take her to the gym. which made me feel better because I needed to take my frustration out on something. I know she was in pain but sometimes I just get pushed with my patience with all the crying involved. I think a lot is because there is only so much I can do as well. But after I came home I stayed busy. I was cleaning my closet for two hours. I have a bad habbit of keeping clothes.Most of them were the "some day" outfits. But I knew I'd never wear most of them ever again when I do get down to my goal weight. I normaly dont count cleaning as exercise but after I was done with that I was exhausted. I managed to get rid of two garbage bags worth of clothes. I cant believe I was that small once. The clothes seriously looked like a kid in elementary school wore them to me. I use to think I was so big because all my friends were stick thin. Now I see the clothes and all I'm thinking in my head is "oh please,oh please, oh please." I also stayed at the gym for about 60 minutes but didnt stay to much longer because I was paranoid I'd get another call. (even though she hadnt thrown up since she was there the last time.) And my calories where high again.1750. I wish I could just get to a happy medium between 1200-1500. I've either been having really high days or really low days.Luckily they've been alternating so hopefully that's helping somehow. I have to blame yesterday on DH. For some reason he's been wanting pizza all the time lately. That's where I messed up by not logging in my points first last friday. I ended up well over 2500 that day. I stopped counting. That's why I felt so bad. But yesterday I logged in my points first and with pizza I think I did a lot better this time. Ok but thats all I can think to write for now. My last post was a lot longer than this. I had a lot on my mind. But guess it wasnt too important seeing as I cant remember any of it. We are going to my IL's this weekend. And a great NSV is I haven't worried about how much I lost, seeing as I dont know. And I think for the first time thus far for the past two weeks. I've been exactly where I want to be. Watching my food intake, not giving into night cravings,and I can just truley be proud of how much I've been good these past two weeks. So seeing as I've said the past two weeks, I dont expect an extrodinary loss. But its so relieving to find my spot in my weight loss goals and really comfortable with it now. And I do have a feeling, however, that I will be in onderland on May 6th. Maybe not by much but if I lost 4lbs I'll be happy. A lb for each week of this past month.I've also realized that my birthday might be to close but I'm going to keep it my date because I still want to try just as hard to see if I can. So thats that. Just have to be good this weekend and I expect to be really surprised. Take care ladies.
So I was just in the middle of a really long post and my dumb butt accidently closed the window. So I will write tommorow. But I will catch up with all of you now.
So I finally tried out my Winsor Pilates tonight and love love love it. Great music and the works.It was exactly what I wanted out of a pilates video. Btw... I did end up going over my daily calorie allowence of 1531. After it was all said and done I ended the day/morning with 1790. Then today I had another low day 1,011. To be honest it probably would have been more but Im more tired than hungry and its another late night because dd is still sick. We've figured out that its all signs of teething but its even worse tonight. You can tell it hurts her a lot. Makes me feel bad. I did manage to squeak in 50 minutes of the pilates video. I g2g though because she has woken up again. It's like in 20 minute intervals. Catch up soon.
Came home checked their nutrition info. My plate was over 1800 calories! That's not including the chips I had or my breakfast and lunch before that. It was fajita quesodillas. I thought, well fajitas are actually pretty healthy and not high in calories so this plate will be perfect. Yeah, riggghht. So now I am boycotting resteraunts until my birthday or DH wants to go out (which is barely ever) because resteraunts are shady. How they pact that many calories into things blows mind. One day I'm going to learn my lesson about doing calories before I eat it. Every time I think I learn I go back and do the same thing. But I started back on my normal routine today and I'm not looking back.*sigh* this weight loss thing is so furstrating. But other than that, nothing new. I'm back to my regular weigh ins on wensday. Today shows a one lb gain. (rolls eyes) go figure! So thats that ladies. I hope all of you had a wonderful mother's day and a great weekend. Now I'm off to catch up.
The sleep apnea and the short loss of breathing causes you to wake up but not long enough for you usually to remember it. And I guess for somepeople if its repetitive throughout the night can make you really tired the whole day. I mean I havent been to the doctor so I dont know and it says its even hard for a doctor to diagnose because there is no blood test the can give you obviously but I'm pretty sure this is what is happening and mabye I've just finally hit that age where it's affect my health too.
I want to be around for DD and DH and the fact that sleep apnea can turn for the worst really scares me. Scares me enough to get even more serious about this whole process so I can eliminate sleep apnea out if it isnt that. Go figure, I already thought I was serious but this had definatly change my view on a lot of things so I guess I was wrong. I'm going to record myself tonight with a tape recorder from when I went to college. Hopefully I'll be able to catch something to give me more insight. The scale was down a little more today not by much though. I weighed in at 196.4. But hey, it's still better than being in the 200s. Goodnight ladies. I'm going to try to catch up with all of you.
Ugh... SO.. after a very complicated trial I weighed in at 197.6!!! But I dont have any pictures.
I wanted you to see my excitement. The weigh in was after all my meals and snack so I might be down a little bit more tommorow morning and as soon as I get a new camera I will be sure to show progress pictures and the scale picture. Tax return should be her soon so maybe I'll be able to use that. We are planning on moving into a house this summer though so we are saving as much as possible so Im not sure if I'll be able to get it out of the penny pinch DH that I have. But I am in onderland. YAY!!Good night girls.
Anyways, I'll be back on, later tonight to check on all of you but I just wanted to post real quick to update what happened over the weekend. Oh btw.. eating was decent. Friday I had about 1600 calories and Sat, and Sun were in the 1800 range. It's not great by any means and it was a lot of eating out. But just last easter it was much much worse so I am getting better. Happy Cinco de Mayo also. I celebrated with Mexcian last night hence the 1800 calories. But it was gooood. And I'm satisfied.Take care everyone.
Actually just thought I would post a song with the mood I was in. You dont really have to listen to it.
