Is it ever going to happen!?

Back to 191 this morning, and I have stayed FAR UNDER my alloted calories.  I feel like this is NEVER going to happen   I'm  just going to be fat for LIFE!

Feeling like I belong

I think I finally feel like I belong at my gym.  People smile, they recognize me and the aerobics instructor always says something like "I'm so glad you came today".  I wish is was next door, because I'd go more often!

YES!! I have even wiggled my way into an aerobics class!!  Anyone that really knows me, knows that I am INCREDIBLY shy and self concious.  Joining an aerobics class is something I am pretty proud of.  Some times I'm biggest one in the group, but it doesn't feel as bad as I thought it would.  I know I'm working on myself and someday I won't be the chic with the biggest rear

There isn't too much I don't like about my YMCA.  The people are so nice and my boys really like the childcare room too.  The attendants always complement my children and say how sweet they are...I'm like "really!? are you sure you have the right kids!?"  I'm relieved they are good for the attendants and sweet to the other kids- that makes me think I must doing sort of a good job, eh?  I hope they continue to be kind children as they enter pre-school.

I'm not going to mention that I'm back in the 180s again, because the last time I did, they didn't hang around long...so I'm going to keep that to myself for another week or so till I see if it sticks.

I got semi-alarming news at a dental check-up on Monday.  My dentist thinks its possible one of my front teeth is dying because it is a different color than the rest.  I always just thought it was stained...it's rather annoying because anytime I smile really big for a picture, it shows like a neon light.  So, next Monday I go in for a "pulp test" where the dentist will run an electrical current through that tooth...if I feel a shock than the tooth is alive and if I don't the tooth is dead.  I want to feel the shock, I want to hear it's just a stained tooth...  I'm pretty worried about it.  It's a front tooth and I've become rather attached to it. 

Anywho...off to crafting!!  I'm making my little boys some "choo choo" shirts since we're going to have "A Day Out With Thomas the Train" this weekend.  GOOD TIMES!!

Attack of the 190s!!

Well...it looks like I wrote my "Dear John" letter to my 180s a bit too early, because they left so that the 190s could come back

Sometimes I feel like this is NEVER going to happen.  Am I ever going to be in a "normal" healthy weight range?  I'm working so hard, and for the first time in a really and I mean REALLY long time I can say that with a clear consience.  I am excersising almost every single day and I'm keeping my calories at or most often below 1600.

A good friend of mine mailed me an almost full bottle of Ali pills since they didn't work for her.  Instead of tossing them in the garbadge she asked if I wanted to try them.  My only hang up about taking them is I have heard it can really mess up the digestive track...the last thing I want to do is poop my pants at the gym!!  I'm just starting to feel like I actually belong and fit in there!!

I'm also afraid if this is how I end up losing the weight that I'll be a slave to these pills the rest of my life.  I don't want to lose the weight with these pills and have to keep taking them forever to keep the weight off.  Plus, I wanted to be able to say I did this "all by myself". 

But the truth would be I'm not doing it...  I was at 189.8 last week and now I'm back at 191.  It's so entirely FRUSTRATING I almost scream when I look at the scale and see 190s again.  WHY OH WHY is it so hard to lose weight now??  Do I not have a metabolism anymore??  I know it goes down with age and childbirth, but gee wiz!!  I've only had two babies and I'm barely 30 years old!!  Ten years ago I would have lost at least 20 pounds by now, and I'm still stuggling to lose 10!

The weight not coming off is very discouraging, but I'm not going to quit.  I set a goal to be thinner for our Disney trip this Decemeber so I'm just going to keep on truckin' and hopefully someday soon I'll start seeing some results.  I'd love nothing more to get off that airplane weighing 150 pounds and to be much thinner than my dad that always makes a point to tell me how fat I am!!  He'll be meeting us there for a few days of our trip since he's from Florida.

I'm melting I'm MELTING!!

YES!!!!

FINALLY the hard work is starting to pay off!!

2 INCHES off the hips this week!!  AND I'm in the 180s again!!

Hello 180's, so happy to see you.  It's been years!!  Meet my children, Tyler and Ryan, they came shortly after you left me and they are the joy of my life.  While I'm happy to see you, you're only welcome for a few weeks because I won't have room for you when the 170s get here!! 

YIPPY SKIPPY!!  Wish me luck on my first "holiday" on my weight loss plan. 

Not bad...

Okay, so I dropped the muchkins in the childcare area and went into "the gym" of my gym for the first time on Monday.  Not as bad as I thought.  My little Mama's boy didn't cry although when I went in to pick them up he looked terribly "lost".  I'm sure it'll get easier for him just as figuring out the equipment will get easier for me.

For starters I found a differenct YMCA location about 2 miles closer to my home than the original I started at.  They seem a little friendlier here too which is always a bonus.  I stumbed A LOT getting used to the work out stuff...  I did the stationary bike, the eliptical and the treadmil all for 20 minutes each.  Since I have to pay for the whole hour of childcare whether I use it or not I figured I should use it. 

I'm excited I signed up for an orientation of ALL the equipment and a very friendly trainer called back to set an appointment with me.  I go in tomorrow at 9am and I plan to ask her about meeting with a dietician too...  I'm a little discouraged the weight doesn't seem to be coming off like I thought it would.  A good friend told me I'm cutting my calories back too far some days and that could be the problem.  Some days I was getting in around 900 and and then when my little sister was here there were a few days I went over 2000.  This week the focus is to stay to my limit of 1657 as much as possible. 

I re-introduced myself to Lean Cuisine of which I had totally sworn off my menu since my first pregnancy...  I've gotta tell ya, either I'm so friggin' hungry anything tastes good or these things have become a little tastier!  I had the Fettuccine earlier this week...not bad.  I had the mac n' cheese today and I'd say it was better than not bad!  I wonder if the days I'm totally starving may be because I'm not getting enough protein??

I've seen a ton of commercials for this Special K protein water, so I may pick some up the next time I'm out and about.  My biggest thing is to not eat or drink artificial sweetners.  I really want to keep them out of my system as much as possible.

I don't think I did too bad over the weekend though...I lost a pound which almost NEVER happens!!  Weekend food/weight rebounds are the story of my life.  I've just told myself there really can't be "days off" from this diet if I really want to make my goal.  I just need to stay focused.

Dear Lord PLEASE help me STAY FOCUSED!!

after the storm

Here they are...  I can't even express how thankful I am that our home wasn't affected.  All we have are damaged plants (that will grow back) and a ripped screen on our bedroom window.  We took up all the water fast enough that I think/hope our new wood floor will be fine.  Our only worry is that there could be water under the floor, but I think we should start to see some lifting soon if that's the case.

Incoming

Our home (note the leaves from our tree glued to the house)

Dinning room floor

The hail against our sliding glass door in the dinning room

My Hubby scooping the hail away from the door

The tiny little creek behind our neighborhood grew into a river

up the street from our home

the homes that didn't fair as well

a motor cycle trailer from our local Harley dealership flew into a home

and these would be the homes with the worst damage I think...

note the garages are GONE

Wow I actually feel full!!

I hope someday staying under 1600 a day won't feel like such a struggle.  I'm really a grouchy B--CH when I'm hungry all the time...

Tonight though, I feel "full" which is unusuall for me these days.  I just input all my food for the day and I'm only at 1527 too!!  WOO HOO!!

I lost 3 total inches this week, so I guess I shouldn't complain.  I'd just really like to see the pounds start melting away too.  I'm really trying so hard.  I'm so fixated on not eating too much all day long, and I even dream about it. 

Last night sort of put things into perspective of what's really important though.  We had a bad storm with tornado sirens and all.  My children were still taking their afternoon naps and just out of the blue the sirens began to ring.  I looked outside and the sun was still shinning and I thought "doesn't look like a storm to me!" but I still ran upstairs and swooped up the boys to take to the basement.  Minutes later our home was being pounded with 80 MPH winds and marble to golf ball size hail.  I swore the sliding glass door in our dinning room had to be broken because I thought I was hearing hail hitting the floor above our heads.  I was so scared holding a padded quilt over the three of us and hoping our floor would protect us and not fall in on top of us...  I was just taking in my boys faces and how precious they are and realizing they are all that truley matters to me, well them and my husband that was "too cool" to take cover and insisted on looking out the windows upstairs!! 

Our home faired the storm with minimal damage...a torn screen on a bedroom window and my plants outside look like shreaded lettuce

I feel for our neighbors up the street... some roofs are missing and two homes had their garages completley torn off the sides of their homes.  I can't even imagine how the home owners must feel.  While huddled under that quilt in our basement I was also thinking all my albums and pictures were probably getting soaked and ruined.  Yes, they are all just things but they are memories too.  My heart goes out to anyone that endures damage to their home in a fire or storm. 

Anyhow, without further rambling I will close and wish you all a blessed evening with calm weather and non-growling bellies!

Can we say KABOOM!!

I confess...I blew up my diet last night.  I was really good at breakfast and lunch, but I treated my little sister to a girl's night out.  This was Olive Garden and the movies.  Everything tasted sooooooo gooooooood.  I showed pretty good restraint (for me at least) at Olive Garden.  I ate salad, ONLY TWO breadsticks, but then the real bomber was the Fettuccine Alfredo. 

Then all heck broke lose and I had half a nestle crunch bar, cherry pepsi and MOVIE popcorn.

So my 1657 limit got blown UP!!

2676 calroies and I won't even write the fat grams or you'll pass out.

So I went off track last night, but I'm back on today.  I cut breakfast and lunch way down today to account for last night's lack of will.  I'll probably eat an extra light dinner too.  My stomach is a growlin' grizzly bear today...

Gym Intimidation

Gym intimidation...

That feeling of insecurity, not feeling like I belong.  I felt that just walking into the machine area of the Y today.  It's been awhile since I've been in a full blown gym and even then it was a very small women's training gym.  You know, the type with all the machines group around in a big circle so everyone can smile and talk to eachother while they do their cute little 30 minute workout.

I took my children for a swim and then hung out in the lobby for a bit while the rain came pouring down.  That's when I spied  television with the weather on it above one of the tredmils in the "gym".  3 people in there and not a single one even turned and looked at me, but I still felt like the new kid starting school in the middle of the year.  I hope that feeling goes away.  I really do want to get into the workout routine.  I hope my children accept the idea of the childcare center as well...

We shall see.  I hope someday the YMCA feels a little more welcoming to me.  I know it's all about attitude, but it's just not that easy for me yet.

It's funny how quotes come sometimes...

Annoyed with my growling stomach and SLOW weightloss this quote found me today...

"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed"