Hi folks

Can you believe it is February already???? How scary is that, before we know it summer will have been and gone and we will all be preparing for Christmas again. hahaha there is a thought to cheer you all up.

WEll i had my birthday party on Sat. Well, actually i had two.

My best (female) friend Gilly was also 30 this weekend. And her parents threw a little shindig on Friday night. When i arrived, low and behold, she had brought over my best (male) friend Monk from England. I was so shocked i cried. I had asked the lying git if he was coming over and he had told me he couldnt afford it so soon after Christmas. So it was a lovely suprise. They had tied him up and put him in her shed. After hugging him like crazy, i walked out leaving him tied in the shed haha. that will teach him. EVentually we untied him and headed into the house for much drinking (and eating!). Gilly's mum had got her a stripper. She went scarlet. Imagine a man stripping to his red thong! (didnt go very well with the desert boots and socks - such a german look) then rubbing your hands all over him and dry humping you on the floor and then spanking you - All in front of your parents and your inlaw!!!!! i laughed so much i cried (again)

Sat night didnt go so well - my "future inlaws" turned up as miserable as sin. I dont think they like me being friends with a boy. they were completly ignorant to him and made snide comments to me all night. Now the OH knows Monk and is friends with me and i have asked him repeatedly does he have an issue with us being friends. Me and monk are incredibly close and see each other every 6 weeks (he lives 600 miles away in Suffolk) and when we get together we are very touchy feely and have a connection that no-one else even understands. I have seen him and me in a room with 20 other people, and we know what the other is saying/doing. the OH assures me he has no issue (for the record monk is married with 2 adorable kids) so i was more than a little pissed off with his parents attitude. I hate ignorant people. more so when they are ignorant to my friends in my own house. So, after a bottle of tequila (i have a high tolerance for alcohol consumption) i let rip at them. in mega style. To the point where the OH and Monk trailed me outside to calm down. They left soon after that. the OH wants me to apologise but i told him no way. Not until they apologise to Monk. Monk says he isnt bothered about it, he only came over to see me and that is all that matters but i dont care. There is absolutly no excuse for being downright rude to people. Even if they did think something was going on, they could have a queit word with me in private rather than making it obvious.

So as for the diet (thats why i'm here after all) meh that went to pot at the weekend. *shrug* ah well you only turn 30 once and it was well worth it

My goals for this week are

Excercise before work 3 times

Sleep 7 hours a night (currently impossible im a manic insomniac)

Eat healthily ( i am not counting calories or anything this week as i am doing a weekend detox come friday)

So wish me luck :)

Hi folks

Well i'm now 30!!! and 2 days. hahaha

weighed myself today i have put on another 3lbs. HArdly suprising really considering i had a chinese on Saturday and Tuesday and a KFC on sunday. Not to mention sweets birthday cake chocolate etc.

The girls in the office decorated my desk on Tuesday with balloons and banners and ribbons and laid on breakfast (scones, pan o chocolat and croissants) one of the department managers baked me a huge delicious chocolate cake and my mum took me out to lunch. And yes, i used my birthday as an excuse to eat crap and not feel guilty about it. Except I do feel guilty about it...in the sense that i know all my efforts over the last few weeks have been wiped out. And i have my friends 30th birthday party on Friday and mine on Saturday and i know im going to overeat and overdrink then to.

I read a rather interesting article about goals - setting them and achieving them. I dont have the link to hand but i will dig it out and post it here. And it is all common sense but sometimes we need to be slapped up the face with common sense dont we. im going to try and eat relativly healthy next week. Then from the Friday i am going to do a weekend detox listed in my fav magazine Zest ( a womans health magazine without all the condescension usually dripping) and healthy eating with realistic food and excercise goals that i can achieve without feeling deprived. I'm hoping that this will help spur me on to achieve my desired weightloss. I think im going to break down my goals a week at a time initially then extend to fortnightly goals and eventually monthlong goals, thus gradually increasing the time i need to stick to such a plan. I need to stop looking at the bigger picture as it is so daunting (i am aiming to lose half my body weight) and i need to stop self sabotaging. The other thing i need to do is stop feeling ashamed of changing my habits. i spend so much time worrying what people will think of me "oh the fat girl is on a diet again"  that it causes me to derail i need to learn to be comfortable in my own skin and also with being me. its gonna be tough im gonna wobble and fall off. but ultimatly im gonna do it

i hope

Sayonara

Angell

PS a HUGE thank you to Beardjoy for your inspiring and encouraging messages and posts! Your awesome girly!

Good morning folks

Weighed in this moring and had a 1.5lb gain. Normally this would set me back bigstyle but today im so pleased. Why? Because it means that most of the weight i lost last week on my extreme diet is staying off. The girls in the office and all have put on 2-3lb each which considering they only lost 6-8lbs is half of what they lost. i lost just under 11lbs and have managed to keep 9.5lbs off.

So yay me!

Not much else to report - i have been very boring lately. Woke up with a banging headache this morning and it was a real effort to get out of bed.

Work is going crazy. My boss has had to fly home to America because her mother is ill so i am carrying the can. We have our first stock take on tuesday (which is also my 30th birthday so i am so pissed off) and things are way outta control. Ah well

Went shopping for food last night. We had forgotten to take stuff outta the freezer for dinner (well the OH had). Normally i would have just stopped off for a pizza but no - i went shopping. And at every goody isle (cream cakes, ice cream etc) i stopped, had a little drool and walked on. Till i got to the bread aisle.

Now i am a HUGE bread fanatic. Always have been. From as far back as i can remember I have always loved bread. White brown soft crusty granary black. And the smell. yumyum. So i get to the bread aisle. And i just stand there. And the OH is trying to drag me away. And still i stand there. Smelling the delicious aroma of fresh baked bread. Wheaten and soda and pancakes and *homer simpson style drool*. And then i turned and walked away. i was so damn proud of myself. Every time i have tried "healthy eating" (remember this is not a diet!) bread has been my weakness. I cant resist the stuff. Especially when im feeling low, or bored  or peckish, bread has been the one staple i have turned to. Forget chocolate or crisps or nuts. But so far, this time, i'm able to limit myself to 4 slices a day. And none after lunch. I'm finding that i'm not missing it as much as i thought. In fact im not really missing anything. I have the odd treat., The odd small bar of chocolate or small slice of wheaten or soda. But really, i'm not craving it the way i have done previously. I can only surmise that this represents a huge turning point in my thought process regarding food. When i look at my eating habits in the past, i have always found some excuse to eat. Boredom, self loathing, unhappiness...all these negative thoughts that have mulled around inside my head have lead to me eating. excessivly. But i realise that they are just excuses to eat. Im not eating because im depressed. Im eating because im using depression as an excuse to eat. Because i love the taste of food. Always have done. nothing is more satisfying than a really tasty meal (except sex and even then that isnt always guaranteed pleasure lol)

No more i say. Now im eating when im hungry and hungry only. If im bored i find something else to do. If im unhappy i find some other way to cheer myself up. Of course, i will relapse. I'm expecting it. you cant have the same bevhaviours for *gulp* 30 years and expect them to disappear in a matter of weeks. I'm still on the high. Its only been a week since i decided once more to make "THE CHANGE". give it another 2 weeks and i'll be bored of healthy eating, tired of all the consideration and prep work required to succeed. Succumb to the excuse of a busy fast paced lifestyle and convenience. But really...is it that convenient to stuff ourselves silly with processed high sugar high salt high high fat foods. Is it not more satisfying to sit down to a proper healthy delicious meal prepared from fresh ingredients?

In other news i need to start excercising. this time last year i was at the gym 3 times a week before work and i thrived on it. Unfortuantly this year i can't afford the gym. not yet anyway. and we are down to having one car between us instead of two (gotta love this credit crunch). So the gym is out. But i am gonna make myself get up earlier in the morning and do either my Wii fit or workour dvd before work. 3 times a week. until such times as i can afford a gym membership again.

Diet today

Breakfast

crunch nut cornflakes + semi skimmed milk

Lunch

Tomato soup = 2 slices wheaten

Hummous and ryvita

Dinner

Shepherds pie with turnip and celeriac mash instead of potato mash and gravy

I didnt post yesterday *slaps own wrist* i was just too damn tired. Usually i get a chance to post during work hours (naughty i know hehe) but with stocktake coming up etc i am absolutly hammered this week

Well my weekend was a blast. Went out with the girls on friday, had a few cocktails (all fruit based so i still got my 5 a day haha) some bar snacks ( i only had one potato wedge and some nachos) a slice of pizza and a small slice of garlic bread. talk about good considering i was drinking!

Saturday i was good - almost saintly. the OH made me poached egg on toast for brekkie (which was late. i didnt go to bed til 7am and didnt get up til 1pm ) Then i had steamed chicken and vegetables for tea

Sunday - well sunday was another story. OH bought me DAvina McCall's new workout DVD. Damn its tough,. after about 10 minutes i was wrecked. His siter and her hubbie came round for dinner on Sunday night.  We had chicken pate and homemade bread for starters, steak mash and cauliflower cheese for main and then sticky chocolate pudding and custard for dessert. Not the most health conscious. But i was good.

I only had one slice of bread with pate (usually i could finish a loaf!)

I left half my dinner and gave to the OH

I only had a small portion of dessert and gave half that to the OH

Not so good for his waistline  but excellent for mine

Yesterday i had the most delicious dinner in the world - chinese spiced pork, cabbage and sesame seeds. yumyumyum. it was lush. I am trying not to eat any carbs after lunchtime. Mostly because bread and potatoes make up the bulk of my meals and i am trying to cut down. so far, i'm not really missing them

It snowed yesterday. taking the mutt for a walk was like a 5 mile hike. Wind, sleet, snow! awesome,. i love the snow. so does the dog. infact she gets so excited she pulls like hell so its more like skiing than walking hehe

Well after this random ramble i really must get back to work

eats for today

Breakfast

Crunchy nut cornflakes, banana , apple

Lunch

Baked beans on 2 slices wholemeal toast,

Dinner

mince, gravy and mixed veg

Have a good day

Angell

Well hello, isnt it a glorious Friday? No? Well why the hell not???

As you can probably tell, I am in a very good mood today. I dont know why. Perhaps its the fact i'm going out on the lash tonight with the girls from the office. Maybe its the smugness that i'm only 4lbs off my first mini goal of 1stone loss. Maybe its because Its Friday. Or maybe its because the sun is out. Barely, but still

Last night i applied for the job of my dreams. I have a 1 in 1million chance (literally thats how many people will apply) of getting it, but if you aint in you cant win eh?

This may sound weird but i'm having such a hard time eating. I am planning to eat around 1500 calories a day but im struggling to eat healthy food to that amount without feeling full. Most of you will probably think this is a good thing and wish you could do it also but its worrying me abit. I dont want to eat so little my body stockpiles fat for starvation mode. But i dont want to turn to sweets and snacks as that is what got me in this place in the first place. Plus, as i am just starting out on my healthy lifestyle journey i want to allow my new healthy eating and enjoyment of good food become a habit (it takes 14 repetitions for anything to become a habit) before i start introducing treats, After all i do not want to repeat the lose weight- love thyself  - gain weight - hate thyself - lose weight - love thyself - gain weight - hate thyself vicious circle that i know has haunted us all at one point or another

I am 30 at the end of the month. i intend this year to be my year. The year to put myself first. Sort out my head which is the bane of my life. Sort out my finances so i can actually enjoy living instead of existing and do things which excite and scare me all at the same time

So, now to the title of my blog!!

I'm gonna beat you - as discussed in previous comments with the lovely beardjoy - its amazing how much competition drives and spurs you on. I notice i am more inclined to stick at something when i'm in direct competition with someone else. Strange cause i never really thought i was a competitive person. Still i guess "the fear" is what keeps me going

So, if you want a challenge? If like me you need something extra to keep you motivated, give me a shout!! Set up a competition, be it a weight loss goal, a fitness goal or whatever. But be warned

I'M GONNA BEAT YOU!!!

Morning!!

well, thank god my extreme 3 day diet is OVER!!!!

**cue lots of jumping for joy and hollering** I can eat properly now.

Results? cue drum roll please

i lost, in 3 days, 10.75lbs!!!!!

Yes im ecstatic , yes im thrilled, and Yes I am sorely tempted to do the same again

BUT, and here is the rub....

i want to lose ALOT of weight, according to health charts everywhere i need to lose 11stone. Personally i think that is far too much for my height and build. I'll be happy with an overall weightloss of 8stone. Now based on these results i could do this diet for 8 weeks and bingo job done. But will it stay off? NO. Will i actually be any healthier? NO. will i look good? NO

i've been tired and crabby ( i dont believe this but my best friend and the OH say so) and my skin has broken out.

It has been a good motivator, A kickstart if u will into yes i can do it frame of mind. Now for the hard part. Keeping it off and more

Diet today

Breakfast

30g crunchy nut cornflakes + semi skimmed milk

1 slice wholemeal toast + 2tsp peanut butter

Lunch

cupasoup - chicken & leek

2 ryvita topped with 1 tbsp hummous and 1 tbsp ELF

1 apple

4oz beetroot

Dinner

Steamed chicken & vegetables

1 banana