A-TISHOO
Bless me!! i cant stop sneezing this morning. Oh good morning 
Wouldnt be like me to come down with a cold 2 days before I go away. So, how are you all? Keeping well I hope. What;'s new in angell-land?
WEll , for a first, i got waxed last night. for the first time. legs, underarms, the heap. and you know what? It wasnt that bad. In fact, my beautician was that bloody good that i didnt even notice she had my lower legs done cause she had me laughing that much. So, here i am, hair free and silky smooth and all ready to start my holidays on friday. I cant wait,. Sun, sea, sand and....( sangria you naughty people). And my new bikini 
YUp girlies, i gone done it and bought a bikini. Turquoise blue, its more like a tankini i guess but definitly more revealing than anything i have ever worn. My poor belly is gonna see the sun for the first time since i was about 6!!!! (i had no shame as a child and would be lucky if i even wore knickers, never mind clothes) EEP!!!!! i shall probably spend most of my time pulling my bikini about me trying to cover up. Ah well, here is to a new body confident me.
I also had a facial yesterday too so am glowing from top to toe and then after my holiday I shall come back and get my hair cut and coloured and my nails done. Why all the bother i hear you cry? Well, i dont know about you, but how i feel about myself often dictates my physical appearance.
On good days i get up shower, do my hair and make up, wear nice clothes, nice shoes and prance about with a smile on my face. ON bad days however, the makeup and nice clothes go only to be replaced by lank saggy clothing, a pale grey complexion, lank hair scraped back into a bun. And these dark days are more often than not. When i feel like shit, i might as well look like shit right? Why bother wearing nice clothes and looking nice when i'm a fat blob who feels like crap? I just want to curl up in the corner, in my greyest pyjamas tucked up with a huge bag of doritos and watch soppy movies that make me cry. Because i need that release, the tears, but i dont want to do it myself.God know, that would be admitting something is wrong, Its much easier to blame a film.
So there i was, 4 weeks ago. A fat dorito stuffing tear stained grey blob with unruly hair, spots the size of mt vesuvius and skin the colour of ash. As low as i figured i could go. I didnt want to get up i didnt want to go out i didnt want to see anyone. I thanked the heavens i work mainly on my own because i didnt have to make an effort with my apperance. I just wanted to eat and get fat and grey and lonely. What has changed in 4 weeks?
My attitude! I am a very logical person and dont go on faith. For me to believe, it has to be proved. So, fat grey blob slams pudgy fingers on kverworked keyboard. I research the WW site, i research loads of different sites. And the more i researched the more i found about diet and excercise and blah blah blah. Then i came across a youtube video of this bloke called Adam. Who transformed his body from a fat guy to someone with a ripped torso and looking really fit (pink spandex though is never a good look!). And i was like yeah right mate, you done all that without the help of drugs. So i had a nosy around his site and he was making big promises about his secret. Here comes the request for cash i thought. Nope, one free download later, his big secret is PMA. Positive Mental Attitude. He believes that the reason his first attempt was unsuccessful and his second attempt was so successful was down to his attitude towards himself and his body and his attempt to change his lifestyle. He believes in being accountable for yourself, recording a daily blog, and facing up to the fact that on-one in the world can make you do this. no-one, no matter how supportive, kind, well meaing...can help you do this. You have to change your attitude. And that is a big ask. Ask yourself, how many times to you hate yourself for eating the wrong food, not doing enough excercise, the highs and the lows that cause an emotional rollercoaster. Its wearing and tiring and we all do it. EVery day, on this site, people apologise for eating. For being bad. for eating the wrong foods. for not doing enough exercise. For putting on a pound or two,. It affects our moods for the rest of the day. it affects our moods for the rest of the week.
So i made a promise to myself. I was going to change my attitude about me. I was going to force myself to make an effort - hence the wax, the hairdo, the nails. But also force myself to wake up every morning with a smile. Most mornings it works,. Some it doesnt ( bloody mondays). I'm not going to chide myself when i break "the rules". I am going to look after my body by doing more exercise and eating healthily. BUT, if i have a day where i eat cake, have chocolate, dont exercise as much as i should , I AM NOT GOING TO FEEL GUILTY!!. I am still going to love myself. I'm going to enjoy myself. And i am going to be held accountable for that happens to my body.
And it must work. I set myself a challenge of losing 3lb by This coming friday. To date, I have lost 6lb. And i have had cake. And i have not exercised. . I have slipped off the slidy road we call diet and slipped back on to it. And i still love me for it.
Have a good day. Love yourself. Like yourself. Stop seeing food and exercise as an enemy or addiction. Its a fuel. Its necessary. Its enjoyable - all in the right frame of mind
Angell
xx