Something New...

Well this website, ExtraPounds.com is new to me thanks to my friend Del. She is doing so well, I thought I would come here since she came to one of my WL sites for me...

I am hopeless when it comes to weight loss. I have no willpower and I am always hungry. In the sentences below are my "About My Weight Gain History" It is cross posted from my blog and from a forum I belong too.

Here Goes:

"Like many of you, I have had trials and tribulations to add to my weight gain. I am not a writer, so please bear with me...lol

In 1984 my parents divorced. I was 7. I didn't know then, but that was the beginning of my weight gain. My parents played me between the two. They would buy me any kind of food I wanted, and never limited me at all. My mom was the clean plater mom. She would make me clean my plate no matter how full I was. People were starving in China, and somehow me cleaning my plate helped the children over there. Then there was my dad. I was daddy's little girl. I could ask for any kind of sweet and he gave it to me. I even had stashes in my room. The longer they were divorced the more it took a tole on my body. I was in dance, and that was helping me keep the weight off and then my dad told me if I didn't want to dance I didn't have too, so I dropped out. I remember being made fun of in school, one I was over weight and two I was like a C cup in 3rd grade, so I was double bubble butt and Dolly Parton...lol....

On to teen years, after having a trying childhood, I used food to comfort myself. I was 6'0" in high school so I didn't look fat (now looking back) I was around 199 all through high school, but I looked proportioned, but I didn't see that, I saw a whale. Then I met my high school sweetheart  and he was a big boy, he was like 6'4" and 285-300 lbs. I was so in love, and he didn't care how I looked. So we ate well on our dates and neither one of us cared. Well I graduated and we broke up and I started binging. I ate everything, but I still stayed around 199-200 lbs. Then I met my Oldest daughters father at 19, and let me tell you, Condoms are not what they are cracked up to be...lol... I gained 80 lbs with my first daughter. No one told me that I was supposed to eat, but just eat till I was full. I was told by my mother I was eating for two and I needed to eat. WRONG!!!! Well, I got down to 240, from 284 and I was feeling ok. Her dad left me he said because he hated my mom, and that he could never marry me because she was so meddlesome. (now we are great friends, and he still tells me I would have married you, if it were not for your mom....lol..)

Now to child #2. I only gained like 18-20 lbs with her, and I was doing ok till I hit 6 months pregnant and he left me for my mom. Yes thats right, My mom and my ex were now together. I couldn't take it. After my 2nd was born, all I could do was eat. My Emotions were psychotic. I had to do family functions with them together, and all I could think about was what I was going to eat when I got home. I know this is a total of two different dads, but I am not a slut, I was left by both, and there was nothing I could do about it. My mom and my middle childs dad dated for 7 years. They just broke up about a year ago.

Ok my weight fluctuated, I finally went on Merida and lost down to 220, I was feeling good about myself again, but I was still eating crappy.

Then I met my husband now. We were married in March of 2001 and in April I found out I was pregnant again. UGH.... Well, I only gained about 20 lbs with my third, and got it off totally but then things took a turn for the worst.

June 9th, 2001 I got a call at 2:00 in the morning that my dad's house was on fire. My mom said I need to call my grandmother. So I call her and asked her if anyone called my dad, that he was prob at the lake, and he needed to come home. She said, Angie, your dad blew his brains out. (this is my grandmother now) I lost it. My dad had killed himself and somehow rigged kerosene to catch the house on fire. (whew, gotta stop talking about this)

then.....

In Feburary 2003 I was diagnosed with stage 2A Hodgkins Lymphoma (cancer of the lymphnodes) and I went all to hell. I had a year of Chemo and 17 Radiation Treatments. My body went haywire! I gained like 65 lbs on Chemo, most people lose, I gained. I lost my toenails, my eyebrows, my eyelashes and gained so much water, I thought my skin would split. I never lost my hair completely, but I was receding on top....lol

So In February 2007, I decided I wanted to go to weight watchers. I stepped on the scale that first day and it said 310 lbs... OMG.... I was mortified! Well I stuck to weight watchers and by May 2007 I had lost 35 lbs then my weight loss partner quit on me, and I just gave up....

I tried again last month, I began with Patience, and my starting weight was 286 now I am 288. I have let her down, myself down and my kids.

I don't know how to stay motivated. I know I am not healthy, I know that I have risks because I am a smoker, and I have only made it to my 4 year cancer free mark... BUT I can't stop eating! WHYYYYYYYY,...... I stay so hungry, and no matter what you tell me to eat to stay full, when I think I am on a diet, FOOD is all I think of.....

I dunno... I need to figure out something.....lol.."

Angela