I have been up since 3am and I am not even a little tired. I was doing laundry last night and totally went to sleep. I idn't know how tired I was until I went under the covers. I even left my window open which I never do when I sleep because I live on the basement floor. That's really the only thing that sucks about living here... is that I can't keep my window open.
I have some stuff to say something, but I don't know if it's appropriate for this blog, since this site is for your "weight loss journey", but I feel that all of the outside stressor contribute to your weight loss, so I've decided that I am going to write what I'm feeleing from now on.
This morning I am feeling: thoughtful. I was thinking about graduation and what my plans are after the big day. I always wanted to move. I always wanted to go somewhere outside of Alaska since I'm just so tired of this state. I want to go where NOONE knows me and my past. I want to be by myself and experience life!
But then I think that I would love to live in this apartment for another year, but by myself. I would love to have my own place here and still be apart of UAA. I'm all over the place, but the good thing is that I spoke with my professor and she said that we only have to take the NCLEX once... then we just pay to get our license in whatever state we go too. I'm happy about that because I can't picture taking the NCLEX over and over again. I would go crazy.
I first have to pass Research. I think that's the only class I'm going to have trouble with this semester. I missed a couple of lectures, but we do have that study guide. I didn't study last night like I wanted to since I fell asleep, but I will study all tonight since I will be going to the gym in a couple of hours and all my laundry will be done!
Anyways, I have to go because I need to start getting ready. I need to make some breakfast before I go and I still have to pack my bag. I'll come back later on tonight!
So it's been like a couple of days since I went dancing and I am so sore. I didn't hurt that much the next day, but today I woke up and I felt like I wasn't going to be able to walk. I like the feeling because it means that I worked hard at dancing, but still I didn't want to hurt so much.
I woke up really late today... and I mean really late. I had to get to work in 10 minutes. I thought it was weird since I didn't sleep late. I had my work cut out to me today though. I had like 50 million registration forms to input into the database, but I had to like help the other workers with their duties. I like them I really do, but I only work 2 days a week there and I have to get all these forms inputed into the database.
I didn't get to go to the gym today which was so sad. I came straight home from my meeting so do laundry. I have so much laundry to do it's not even funny. So I ate dinner, have clothes washing and now after this blog I'm going to go study for Research. My midterm is this Friday and the professor just sent out the study guide. I wish she did that over the weekend so I could have gotten it done over the weekend.
Since I printed out my food plan, I'm going to get all my stuff ready for tomorrow. I need to stick with my food plan, but it's been hard. I don't know why. I have been doing really well, but something is getting in the way. I have been maintaining and doing well, but my mind is telling me "forget about it."
I am going to go to the gym tomorrow for an hour, that I promise you. I'm thinking I'm going to start maybe going before and after work. I think that might get me to losing weight faster. But that's my thinking. I really need to lose weight!
So I went out on Friday night, and I had SO much fun! I danced all night, I think I gained like 8 (waps?!). It was so sweet hanging out with C. We talked for awhile after the bars and it seems like she's coming around. It's just nice to be able to talk to each other and not yell you know? Anyway, I didn't drink that much but I was all over the dance floor. YAY!
I didn't eat so well this weekend, but I don't think that I went over my points. I have my food journal at my office, so I haven't been able to write my foods down. So I will be writing everything down tomorrow. I think that once I write everything down I have a better view of what I'm going through.
I have to go shopping this week because I don't have enough stuff to fill this week. I do get paid on Friday so I will have some money coming in. I haven't look at my bank account in awhile, but I'm kind of scared to. I think I will on Friday so that I can at least see a little money in my account. It's so hard. I have bills coming up and it looks like my rent is going to increase now that A is not going to living with us, or so C says.
I plan on going to the gym at least 5 times this next week. Lat week I went to the gym 4 times, but I need to make sure I don't let the homework assignments and classes get in my way. I need to stick to my schedule. I am going to go to the gym tomorrow morning, work, CP meeting, and then go home to do laundry. I have to study for Research since the test is going to be on Friday.
I hope for a good weigh in this week. I have so much to lose in such a little time... well not really but I want to lose as much as possible before my trip to NY at the end of August. I want to be able to hangout with Valentina and feel confident and beautiful.
I am so ready to take a nap, but NO! I didn't get to the gym this morning. I woke up just in time to study a little bit for my quiz and make some lunch. I thought about not going to the gym, but I am going to go! I just finished my assignments and quizzes, so I am ready to workout for a little bit.
I didn't do so hot on the quiz though. I ended up with an 84% and I really wanted to get above a 90%. I still have two more quizzes for this class and 3 more quizzes for Psych. I want to get an A in this class. I want to get a 4.0. I am close, but it's too hard! I'n going to be done with this class in two weeks so that's exciting. I do have another 7 weeks after this, but the summer is going by!
One of best friends is going to be turning 23 this Saturday. I have to work which sucks, but I am going to go out afterwards. C wants to go out on Friday night which is going to be a change. We haven't gone out in forever, so we'll see how that goes. I am so broke though. I don't plan on drinking until I get some free drinks lol
I am doing really good. I maintained this week, but I can tell my losses are coming soon! I put on an outfit I always wear and guess what? The shirt was loose. I am so on my way to getting there! Ok well, I have to go to the gym. Maybe I'll write more when I come back, but.. maybe not! See you guys later!
I really can't write that much because I can hardly think from the hunger! I haven't ate in a long time today. I still am eating my points, but I have been in the computer lab since 12pm and it's going to be 8pm very soon!
I didn't get to the gym today because I had to go to clinicals this morning at 5:45am and I have been doing homework for ever... but I will be going to the gym tomorrow for about an hour! I an going to do it. I think I'll go on the elliptical for 30mins and then the treadmill for 20mins and then the bike for 10mins. That will be a serious change! I will be going veyr early in the morning too.
I have so much homework this week.. its crazy. I have to finish the touches to my care plan, I have to take a quiz for Research, I have to take the pretest for Psych and study for Psych tomorrow. At least I got my IPR and clinical paperwork done today.
Anyway, C is finally coming to my side. We are talking and hanging out. I think we're going to go to watch a movie tomorrow.. if not we're still going out on Friday night. I'm going to dress up and wear make-up! YAY! I haven't done that in forever!
So I went to the gym today at 6am again. I was really proud. I heard the alarm go off and I was like, "Shut up!" But I opened my eyes and told myself that I don't have clean towels so I need to get my butt up and get to the gym. I really like going to the gym in the morning because there are not many people there and I have my pick of machine.
I do have my favorite machine... the one in the middle of all the tv's. I like to have choices. I don't have cable at my house, so this is my time to catch up on news, music, and telelvision shows. I noticed New Kids on the Block is back in action, Katy Perry's I Kissed A Girl is my new favorite song, and Sara Bareillas is still doing her thing.
I wasn't late to work today which was good, but I had my work cut out for me. I have to send like 70 charges to Accounting (which takes FOREVER) and I had to give a second tour to the new Orientation Leader. I hate the East side of campus because I really don't know what to say, but "Here's the library, Starbucks, and IT Services. I rock at the West side of campus though.
I weigh in tomorrow morning and I'm nervous. I have been on point for this whole week and I want to have a good result. I know I shouldn't have my hopes up because the number doesn't matter, but sercetly it does. I want to be under 210 SO BAD!! I mean I haven't been under 210 since like junior year 2005. When I went to Puerto Rico during winder break 2005, I weighed about 205. After that it was all down hill.
Today the girls got together to watch a movie and dinner. They went to go see Sex and the City which I have already seen so I said I wasn't going to go, but I would be up for dinner until I found out they were going to go get sushi... so I said I wouldn't go. I got invited to two different places tonight (made me fell good) but I said no to both.
C is talking to me finally. She said that they are done and she can't handle A anymore. She wants her out, but she paid rent for this month, so she gets to stay for the month. I really hope it's the true and A moves out. When it's just me and C, we get along with each other and everyone loves C. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't think I'll be going to the gym tomorrow, but I will try. I have lots of things due, so I need to make sure I finish that before I go to the gym since I have clinicals from 5:45am to 12:45pm. I think I will have 4 hours to finish 2 of my assignments which are due my 5pm.
Well, I did the unthinkable. I woke up at 5:30am this morning. That's right ladies and gentlmen (if we have any)... I woke up early and headed to the gym. I got to the gym and I thought I wasn't going to be able to work out for the 30 minutes I always workout for, but I had the time.
I did get to work late by like 5 minutes, but nothing major. I got to work and I felt refreshed. Actually, all day I have been feeling very well, which is a surprise. Something always get me in a bad mood, but not today. I was motivated! I did a tour with the new Orientation Leaders since my boss thinks I'm the best person in the whole world. Darlene is back and she looks great. She was on maternity leave, and she doesn't even look like she had a baby. I hate that.
I was talking with Theresa and I let her know I prayed a lot this weekend. Lately, when I go to work I'm a bummer. I have been really... ummm... not myself. I was complaining a lot about the work and that's not like me. So I prayed that all the negative energy be released from my environment and I think it has.
I think all the negative energy is coming from my roommate. They fight all the time and we haven't been on good terms and I think that all their energy gets poured into my space. So, this weekend I stayed clear of them and just concentrated on my assignment, work, and working out. I think that us fighting has really helped me get back into the working out mode.
So all I have been thinking about today is how I like to surround myself with people who make me happy. I like to hangout with my friends who like to have a good time and who love me for me. I think that I have lost my focus and have been in so much drama that I have lost touch with really good people. Tomorrow some of the girls invited me to go to dinner and a movie. I don't think I'll be able to go to the movie, but dinner would be nice. I just need to make sure I will be able to handle eating out (food wise and financially).
So, I am ready for tomorrow. I have all my stuff packed and food ready. I am ready for OP #3.
I woke up today drained. When I got home last night around 11:30pm, I decided to study for a little bit. So I stayed up until about 1:30am studying on my stroke notes. I wanted to wake up at like 8am, but I decided to sleep in a little bit since I usually have to wake early anyway.
I got up around 12pm. I ate breakfast, got my lunch and dinner ready and then went to the gym. I worked out for 30 mins on the elliptical. I really love that machine. I need to work myself up to an hour. Before my surgery I used to be on the elliptical for an hour without stopping, but right now I'm trying to take it slow so my knee can get used to it.
I want to start swimming. I need to go buy a swim suit, but I don't like swimming by myself. I would call Erica to come with me, but I say her last week and she's really tired with the kids, her mom and working full-time. I also want to do weight training, but I definitely have to work up to that. I'm also going to start doing crunches at night with some push-ups. I need to get rid of this tummy that I have.
So, I exercised and am eating within my points. I'm going to start writing down everything I eat. I think that helps me keep me in check you know? Anyway, tomorrow will be On Point #2. I will be exercising every morning. I will be writing down all my eating.
FYI: my roommates are broke up?! We're still not talking, but I think that A will be leaving soon. I want her out so bad I don't even care where she goes. She has lost me as a friend and she really makes me mad!
But, guess what? I am so over her and ready to look at the brighter side. I am changing myself for me and not anyone else. I want to be healthy and ready for anything!
Lately, I've been feeling really depressed. Yesterday during Psych lecture, we had a free write which was... "What Does Depression Mean To Me." While I was writing I was thinking back to this past year and realized that I might have Major Depression... but then all nurses at some point self-diagnosis, which can be really bad sometimes.
I always have two things on my mind... money and weight... weight and money. I have been struggling with money this past year and it has brought me to tears. I didn't get that much money from my loans, my knee surgery kept me from working for three weeks and now going to school full time has really put a hold on my ability to work full-time. I really want to concentrate on my classes and get really good grades, but I have to pay rent and my other bills.
My weight has really been an issue since high school. When I was in 6th grade, I was a chubby little kid, but when I moved to Laguna Hills in South California, I lost a lot of weight and grew taller. When I started high school I weighed around 120lbs. I got a job in the 11th grade and started gaining weight very slowly.
When I graduated high school I weighed 190. That summer (2003) I lost 30 pounds before I started college. So now its 5 years later and I gained 70 lbs!!! Can you believe that… I calculated and it comes out to 14 pounds a year. So Since last September, I have lost a total of 21 pounds which is really good.
So I want to lose at least 25 pounds this summer… which would put me to 185lbs. I would be where I was sophomore year of college. I am really dedicated this time around. I graduate from college in December and I would like to be at least 160. I can just imagine how I would look. I would love it!
Please help me get there!!! That’s why I really love BCB because the people there are so great. I know that getting skinner doesn’t make you happy, but it would get me closer. I really don’t think I would feel so depressed if I didn’t have to worry about money and weight.
1. I am so happy I went to the gym today. I felt good, but I need to make sure I go when I say I will go. I should have gone at 6am so I would have been at school by 8am and I could have spent 4 hours studying for my quiz. Then I would have gotten a better grade than a B.
2. I need to make a meal plan, shopping list, and a schedule for the week.
3. I really don't want to work, but it's really not working. I'm watching television lol. But I love this job!
4. I have gotten in more drama with my roommates. I don't know what to do about them. I really just want them out so I don't have to deal with their shit anymore. I hear the one I'm not talking to, talk about me which is very annoying.
