Today was a weird day for me. I don't know why I pick that word to describe it, but it seems to fit. Over the last few days I've been at odds with more than a few people...all but one of those, I could care less about disagreeing with, but the other is one of my best friends and I hate fighting with him more than anyone in this whole world. For some reason, since we've become friends I've always been under the impression that if he ever got upset with me, we'd no longer be friends. Just like that, bye bye. That scares me...A LOT. I realize it's an unfounded fear, but nonetheless it's still there. Tonight we discussed the subject we've been disagreeing on and again could not see eye to eye. But something was different tonight...we never really leave a conversation still upset with each other and even so things are fine the next day like nothing happened, but tonight he said, "Here's something for you to think about. I'm not gonna stop being your friend just because we get into a fight." He's told me this many times before, but I guess before today it never really sunk in that I won't lose him as easily as I seem to think. I have such a hard time trusting people, and it surprised me that I trusted him so easily, maybe it was that dorky personality of his....haha. Another friend of his made a fool of me tonight. She said something in hopes that it would make him upset with me, and it worked. That broke my heart. Just that people could be that vengeful in general bugs me. Anyway, on to the good news...haha. My mom called tonight to tell me that she and my little sister are starting Weight Watchers online too! I am so happy because they both have health problems and I think losing weight will fix a lot of that for them. My sister is 14 with Type I diabetes. She's had it since she was 6 and it still bothers me that she has to deal with that at such a young age. I know sometimes she feels held back. When she first got diagnosed I offered to let her prick my finger each time she had to have hers done...she still reminds me of that promise when she gets mad at me today...haha. Stephanie (my sister) is actually a lot of the reason I chose pharmacy as my career. I want to be able to make things easier for people with diabetes like her, especially the little kids. I try my best to help them out...and if I can make things easier on them, it makes my day better too....maybe cause in a way it feels like I'm taking care of my sister. Something else I noticed today...I know this may seem silly but it made me smile. I have an account on Facebook like most other college students. There is an application that allows you to compare your friends in categories such as "who you'd rather have dinner with", "who is more artistic", etc. so just for fun, I decided to see how my friends had compared me to other people. I was so surprised that every time I'd been up for the vote for "Who is prettier?" that I won. I had 100% on that...wow. That never happens...haha. I also had 100% on "Who you'd rather have dinner with" and "Who has the better profile picture"...guess it doesn't hurt that Rascal Flatts is in my picture with me....haha.... I know it's silly and just for fun, and of course is anonymous, but it still made me smile. Overall, today was alright. I stayed on points again...but no trip to the gym, I know I need to stop procrastinating! I'm still suffering from insomnia unfortunately. But I did make a big dent in my training at Walgreen's today. Hoping to finish it tomorrow, and get the rest of my pharmacy school stuff done finally. This process is just so time-consuming, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Saturday I get to go to Winterjam with my mom and sister...I'm pretty excited. For those of you that listen to Contemporary Christian music, this is an awesome festival. I get to see Newsong, Mandisa from American Idol, Barlow Girl (my sister's only reason for going...haha), Skillet, Tony Nolan, and the headliner--MercyMe!! I have loved their music for so long. Okay time for bed....but I'll end with the quote I think summarizes my life right now...
"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be kind anyway. If you are successful you will win some false friends and true enemies; Succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.I The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; It was never between you and them anyway." -Mother Teresa
of myself. Today was probably the first time in my whole 24 years on this Earth that I stood up for myself. The conversation I had last night did not provide closure for me because it was ended before I got the chance to say what I needed to say. Since the other party blocked me from any means of communication we had before, I emailed her. That may seem cowardly to some, but it was my only means of getting my message to her. I don't expect a response, I wasn't hateful, and I can now say that I am finally at peace with the situation. I finally got to train at the new pharmacy today...well, somewhat....mostly computer stuff that was a review from before, but of course has to be completed at a new place. I also figured out that I need to become a nationally certified pharmacy technician in the very near future if I get accepted to one of the Tennessee schools and plan on working during school (which I do...I don't like having a lot of free time...haha...I don't know what to do with it). So, after taking the PCAT again next Saturday, that's next on my list of short term goals. Another plus, I stayed within my points range today! I've been really surprised at how easy that is when you make wise food choices. Straying from the basics of a program for a long time makes you forget the rules....I know, but I am bound and determined to make things work this time. Thank you guys so much for the comments thus far, you don't know how much that brightens my day! :)
Do you all ever feel like the whole world is against you sometimes? I rarely feel so isolated and cut off from everything and everyone I love, but today was one of those days. It started off well enough, I talked to a friend that I talk to on usually a daily basis, he keeps me laughing, I think that's why we're so good together as friends...we have similar personalities. Then I went to work on getting started at the new pharmacy AGAIN and finally got things completed so that I can start training tomorrow! I'm excited about it, because it's another clean slate for me, one that I desperately need. I can't exactly explain why in generalities so here's the story:
I left my previous job for one simple reason--immaturity. When I first started there, everything was fine, I was liked well enough I guess and no one really voiced a problem with anyone else. But as I became close friends (and might I point out only friends) with one of my co-workers, the attitude towards me shifted dramatically. I was and still am branded a traitor, slut, and backstabber, among other things all because of my association with him. Any time that my co-workers found out about us spending time together outside of work, they made it their personal goals to ridicule me about it. I've tried for the last 10 months to take this in stride, because I needed the job and I wasn't about to give up my friendship with him--he is one of my best friends now, so their attempts at trying to end that friendship are futile. Anyway, I finally decided to leave when they all stopped talking to me, yet continued to make sexual remarks behind my back. It got to the point that I was even accused of orchestrating an elaborate scheme, involving an ER visit, just to get out of 3 hours of work...come on people, who in their right minds would pay a $600 bill to get out of that?!?! I never said they were sensible...haha. I guess what hurt me the most about the situation is that they've tried to turn my friend against me and that even my supervisor joined in on the ridicule. How can you be 30 years old and still act like a 10 year old? I wasn't fond of high school for a reason--this same type of childish behavior was always present there too. Backstabbing, lies, forming cliques, and of course finding some lucky individual to be the outcast, the scapegoat. That was me. I thought switching to a new job would remedy that but it seems to be following me....all because I kept in contact with another coworker that wasn't out for blood....or so I thought. Tonight she and I had quite a heated discussion because I feel betrayed. Apparently she did/does too, but never really gave me the chance to understand why before she ended the conversation. It takes A LOT for me to trust people...this incident tonight is precisely why I have issues concerning that. No matter how old I get, I always in the back of my mind think that people are generally good, but lately, I seem to be learning the hard way that it's just not true....especially concerning some females. It seems like being a girl makes you stab someone in the back out of instinct...almost second nature to hurt someone else. I don't want to be a girl like that and I try hard not to be, I won't lie and say I never fail because I do...but I actively try hard not to be that way...I wish I could say the same for other people. To top the evening off, my Buckeyes lost the National Championship football game...what a way to end the evening huh?
Wow, that was a lot. Maybe I can finally get to sleep now. On brighter notes, I went to the gym tonight for the first time in a while--got in 25 minutes on the elliptical machine. :) I also found another pharmacy school within Nashville to apply to--Lipscomb University. It is similar to Belmont in class size and values. I think I would be right at home at a Christian college. Maybe it's just the change of pace, scenery, and addition of faith related activities I need to make things work in my life. If I get accepted at any of the three schools I'm applying to, I'll be a doctor in 4 years! So excited!
Hope you all have a great day! Let me know what you think, please!
Good night and God bless you all,
Amy :)
P.S. I posted a few more pictures in my album. Not sure why some turned out like they did. My eyes aren't like that, I promise. :)
...has went farily well so far. In the past, by day 3 I have completely sabotaged myself. Today, I didn't completely do that. I had dinner with my friend Nicole at a local Mexican restaurant, where I usually order an enchilada, soft taco, and rice. Tonight, I ordered the grilled chicken salad...I keep trying to remember that losing weight isn't about making huge leaps and changes to your actions all at once, but is about lots of baby steps adding up to big changes. I also found another pharmacy school to apply to. Belmont University, located in Nashville, Tennessee looks like a more than perfect place for me to continue my education. My mom and grandparents are less than thrilled with my choice of location. Nashville is 6 hours from home...but I love the city so much. The atmosphere, the landscape, the endless possibilities....let me take this time to mention that I'm kind of a concert junkie....especially for two country music acts--Rascal Flatts--
and now, Chris Young as well.
If you haven't gotten the chance to hear Chris's work (granted you like country music) then let me know and I'll be happy to share! :D I've been dealing with a lot of extra stress lately...some I thought I'd be able to leave behind when I left my last place of employment...but it seems like trouble follows you, no matter how much you try to outrun it. I think that's half my problem...I've always been the definition of emotional eater. Happy, sad, depressed, anxious, excited...all of those in the past have warranted eating something. My family has always used food as a comfort tool. But I can't blame anyone but myself for letting my weight get to the point it did, and I can't rely on anyone to change it but me! So that's what I'm trying to do...slowly but surely, the tortoise won the race. Mine will hopefully be won on May 3rd, when I graduate from college! Hope you guys have a wonderful tomorrow!
So I started this blog in November of 2006 originally...and like many other things, was not faithful in keeping it updated. I just went back and read all of the other posts I had written before, then deleted them all...a new year has just begun, I'm more than ready for a new start, especially considering so many things are changing with me. I start a new job tomorrow (so much stress off my shoulders from leaving the old one!), and I graduate from college in May with a Bachelor's Degree in Biology....hopefully starting pharmacy school this fall. I checked my bank statement today and realized that I have wasted tons of money, paying for Weight Watchers online and only following the plan half heartedly for months. I have had so much stress...taking the pharmacy college admission exam, finishing applications, working in a place where I was hated for reasons still unbeknownst to me, and of course the never ending problems at home with my family. I found a quote online today that said something about when you look back on your past the troubles you worried most about were more often than not the ones that never reached you. I thought, "Wow, that is so true." At least in my case, so it's my goal for this year to focus on me and to stop worrying...because that is the only way in this world I will ever be happy. I started my weight loss journey at a whopping 237 pounds. Not something I'm proud of in the least. When I stepped on the scale this morning, it said 182....even by not following the plan to a tee for many months, I haven't regressed and gained all the weight back like I have so many times before, so that in itself is an accomplishment for me....now, I just have to move forward, to prove to myself and myself alone that I can follow through and succeed at something---definitely something so crucial to my happiness and future. I hope you guys will check in on me to see how I'm doing....:D Today was the first day in a long time I actually used the Points Tracker online to track my intake...people say you can't lie to yourself when you do that...mainly because you're not cheating anyone but yourself....that is so true in so many ways for me. I didn't go over my daily points and still had plenty to eat. Today was truly an accomplishment for me....please pray that I'm strong enough to continue this journey, no matter what mountains stand in my way. If anyone needs a buddy to talk to or keep track of progress with, please, feel free to leave me a comment here...I'd love to have new friends!
I had 100% on that...wow. That never happens...haha. I also had 100% on "Who you'd rather have dinner with" and "Who has the better profile picture"...guess it doesn't hurt that Rascal Flatts is in my picture with me....haha....
I know it's silly and just for fun, and of course is anonymous, but it still made me smile. Overall, today was alright. I stayed on points again...but no trip to the gym, I know I need to stop procrastinating! I'm still suffering from insomnia unfortunately. But I did make a big dent in my training at Walgreen's today. Hoping to finish it tomorrow, and get the rest of my pharmacy school stuff done finally. This process is just so time-consuming, but I know it will be worth it in the end. Saturday I get to go to Winterjam with my mom and sister...I'm pretty excited. For those of you that listen to Contemporary Christian music, this is an awesome festival. I get to see Newsong, Mandisa from American Idol, Barlow Girl (my sister's only reason for going...haha), Skillet, Tony Nolan, and the headliner--MercyMe!! I have loved their music for so long. Okay time for bed....but I'll end with the quote I think summarizes my life right now...
