Okay...
time for an update. The past few days, for the most part have been positive ones. I finally feel like I'm on track and committed to accomplishing my goal this time....that is one thing I am certain of. I've been working out like crazy lately...I'm up to 520/1,000 for the month...over half way there!! I started this little venture on the 22nd of January, so I think I'm doing pretty well so far. Working out consistently lately, and making time to fit it in my schedule no matter what has made things so much easier to deal with all around. I'm just in a better mood altogether...things that would have bothered me immensely before just don't seem that horrible now. I've always had sort of a drama queen reputation among my best friends in that I usually see the worst in a situation and think things are worse than they are at the time...but lately, I've been trying so hard not to do that. So far, I THINK it's been working. I talked with a friend yesterday and said some things I've been holding back from him for a very long time...and honestly, I'm glad I got them out. Granted, he probably didn't take anything I said seriously since he was joking for most of the conversation, but at least now he is aware of the things he does that hurt me...whether he tries to stop doing those I guess we'll just have to find out. I ate kinda bad yesterday...went into yesterday evening with 16 points, then went out to eat and had a tossed salad with fried chicken tenders as well....not my finest WW moment...but I still feel like I'm okay...I worked out yesterday and I have my weekly points balance as well. I went into this evening with 23 points...had Mexican food with a friend and still had points left over for the evening...I also worked out for 90 minutes today so overall, I think I'm balancing pretty well. As I was eating dinner tonight I thought about how overweight I still am and it made me mad at myself....then a lady walked into the restaurant by herself. Seeing her walk in alone broke my heart...she was carrying a novel to read so I knew she wasn't expecting someone to eat with her. When she sat down at the booth, she could barely fit and I saw her scoot the table forward a little. She looked so sad...alone even. I guess it bothered me so much because I've felt that way a lot...especially with the fighting with my family. I've always been one to make other people happy before myself...now that I'm trying to take care of myself...my family has quite opposed the new change. It means I don't bail them out of financial situations anymore and basically that I don't allow myself to get used and taken advantage of, by anyone....though I still feel like I'm working on that with someone else. I talked to my mom last night and the conversation ended badly. I told her that I think she forget sometimes that she has three children, not two, and that I need her sometimes too...maybe not financially, but I still need her to be my mother...and I feel betrayed because she lies to me and breaks promises all because of my brother and his stupid addictions. I hate it...so as hard as it was to do this, I told her to not bother calling me until she could appreciate me....til she remembered that I was the child, not the mother...and that I'm worth a lot more than she gives me credit for. So far, I haven't gotten a phone call. I'm used to talking to her every day so it's been hard to not pick up the phone and call today, but I'm not backing down this time. I can't. Maybe they'll realize that I'm not just someone to take advantage of anymore. I hope so at least. I don't want to sever ties with my family but they are absolutely pushing me away. I'm trying my best to focus on me...to figure out who I am and what will make me happy...and trying to get rid of all roadblocks in the way to achieving that. Anyway, just wanted to update...didn't mean to write a novel.
Hope you all have a great Sunday,
Amy
