It's been a while since I've posted basically because I've been too ashamed to report that lately, I've failed miserably on my WW....and I do mean miserably. Gaining the weight that I've already lost, back again, is one of my worst nightmares, so why I continue to shove bad food in my mouth is beyond me!!! I eat when I'm not even hungry, then feel guilty about it later and think "Well, today is already sabotaged, why not make it worse?" It's a vicious cycle that I put myself through, and I don't know why I can't think of getting right back in the game after a mess up. It should NOT be this hard to do something good for yourself!!! One of my best friends is a very superficial individual...he reminds me of "Shallow Hal" from the movie. His basis for selecting a girl to date is in my opinion, 90% based on her looks and 10% based on her personality. It really makes me sad to think of all the wonderful individuals he's passing up because he can't see past their exterior. We had a discussion yesterday online and he said that if he were a recruiter in the profession that both he and I have chosen, that he would only hire females he considered to be attractive. Most of the time when he says things, I take them with a grain of salt...in one ear and out the other. But this one bothered me....even if he did say later that he was joking (most times I really think he means what he says, but tries to play it off as a joke if he thinks I got upset by what he said). I'm smarter than he gives me credit for. For one, again, he'd be passing up amazing and qualified individuals, and two, and this is the one that made him silent for a minute...he basically said that based on that qualification, he'd never hire me. I don't consider myself "hot" by any means, and personally, don't see me losing any amount of weight to ever be able to change that....but when confronted with the above statements his response was, "I'm sorry...besides, you're trying to lose weight anyway." So I don't really know how I'm supposed to take that. What do you guys think? He keeps reminding me that I don't want to be the hypocrite pharmacist...the one that tells people what they need to do to be healthy while not serving as their example, and he's very right in that fact....I do NOT want to tell people "Do as I say, not as I do." I personally think that is the biggest cop out ever. If that offends anyone at all, I'm sorry....but that's basically been the story of how my family works. Exercise was a word rarely used in my house growing up and growing up in a house where domestic violence was commonplace, sometimes I felt like food was the only friend I had...the only one I could turn to for comfort. Little did I know that the comfort was only temporary but that the damage I've done is much more than temporary. I want so much to be healthy. I don't say thin or skinny because to me, healthy does not mean those words....not in the least. You can be a bean pole (as my Gran would say) and still not be healthy in the least. Being healthy is what I want more than anything in this world. So, tomorrow is a new start. I don't expect it to be perfect, but I cannot give up. I just want someone to love me for me, and right now, that isn't happening. I don't want to be just part of the crowd anymore. I've never been one to stand out, or even try to for that matter, but I'm tired of blending in with the masses. I'm tired of being seen as the best friend, the little sister, and nothing more. I want so much more and I can't even say it to the ones I want to say it to....and that breaks my heart....because I feel like I won't be good enough until I'm healthy, even then, it's a gamble at best.....and my poker face needs some work. I'll try to update more frequently from now on. It's just been insanely hectic lately.
-I can log 215/1000 minutes of exercise though--I have til Feb. 22 to get to the 1000.
-The new job is still going well. I pray things stay that way.
-All of my pharmacy school applications are out. Now for a lot of waiting and even more prayers. Ones from you all would be appreciated as well. :)
-I have to perform neurosurgery on a chick next week. I am not happy about it.
-Three exams in the coming week are gonna kill me!
Hope you all have a great Sunday!
-Amy :)
Posted By: amynbpharmd2b
Comments to this post:
02/03/2008 03:32
cheat, girl, cheat!
You're doing great! This is when the tough get going! Anyone can start a diet, but when you plateau, or gain a couple back, or just arn't progressing as fast as we'd all wish we would, that's when it gets really hard and we ALL want to quit. Some do. But this is what's going to separate them from us, girl! Any successful big weightloser has a graph that overall goes down, but now without a few peaks through out the journey! We're human, you need to cut your self some slack.
You sound like me in that alot of time I feel as though I need monumental moment to get back on track. Ok, so if that's what we need, then create that for yourself. Break it down even more then a "oops, I've messed up for the day, might as well indulge" (which we've ALL done...don't let anyone fool you on that!) to a alright, that meal is messed up, but I've got control of the next one! Hey, if we're so easy to call one meal a mess up, then we should be so inclined to call another a success! Baby steps.
Maybe try giving yourself rewards in small incraments. Like, I will give myself a "star" for a "good" meal, two stars for an exercise session. (litterally keep track of my stars) I get 10 stars, and I reward myself with a new top, or shoes, or a new ringtone or a lotto ticket. If you need to reward yourself each meal (sometimes I totally need that!) then try hershey kisses. They have 25 calories per kiss. If you have a "good" meal, pop one in your mouth! They satisfy my chocolate sweet craving, but only have 25 cals, so you can still feel successful after! (watch where you keep your stash though! In a cabinet or something. Don't have them out where you can see them. Take only 2 with you to work.)
Also, maybe try giving your self room to "cheat" so your not so tempted. Have a "weight in" day and if you've lost at all, then allow yourself one cheat meal the next day. It has to be the very next day, no saving it for later or using it early! That really helped me any time I was just craving something. I just waited until my cheat meal. I was able to satify my urge to eat it by knowing I'd get to on saturday. Now, don't go crazy with your one meal, but simply eat whatever it's been you've been wanting to all week. After a while, my cheat meals, although still present, became less and less as significant to me as I saw the numbers go lower and lower on the scale. I think it forced me to put things in perspective, not that that was ever my intention. My intentions were to figure out a way how to successfully cheat and still lose weight! lol!
Look, I've found lots of people, books, programs etc, tell you how to loose weight...duh! But alot of times, I think we just need to know how to cheat or have a bad meal once in while to get us though it all! I lost 20lbs once I figured out how to cheat just enough to keep my santiy and not sabbatoge everything in my head. I think it was the key for me. Maybe it's worth a shot for you too!
Girlfriend, what are you thinking??? I see your picture, if that's really you- you're very attractive. I would even say HOT in your Dec. 07 picture. Today, Im starting over too! That friend of yours is a BIG BOOB. I can tell just from the conversation he's not married. I have a friend like that, almost 40, no children and not married and he just cant figure out why!! Sure were attracted physically, but what keeps everyone in a relationship is what's inside. Take care, and remember you are HOT
It's been a while posting for me, too... I'm headed to do that after I leave you a post of encouragement, hun! You really are doing GREAT things for yourself... your job, your education AND your health. It's a battle - one that we have to take one day at a time - sometimes one MEAL at a time. You'll get there. Don't let the bad choices define you because you are bigger than that!! :)
I had a couple of really no good days too, mostly chucked up to my hubby being out of town on a business trip. It puts me in a complete funk... so for the first 2 days he was gone I ate like a pig, unfortunately, but realized my errors, lol, and tried to make the best choices in the following days. I'm back on track completely now with both exercise and diet so we'll see what happens :)
Hang in there though, and your 'friend' sounds like quite a downer!! Definitely doesn't sound like a positive to be around. (((hugs))) to you!
And you ARE hot lady - give yourself some credit!!!!!!!!!! You have to believe it cause only THEN will you aheive it, sweets!!!!!
