I can't sleep...again.

Lately, I have been suffering from bouts of insomnia.  Problem is, by the time I admit that's what's happening, it's too far into the night to try a sleep aid since I usually have to get up early the next morning.  I realized today that I try so hard to make everything work my way, and sometimes, I just need to let things work out on their own.  I should be living my life according to God's plan, not my own, and sometimes that requires just sitting back and letting Him take the reins, as hard as that is. 

Good things about today:

--I got in an entire hour of working out today.  Yay for me!  It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.  This whole process isn't pulling teeth like I seem to make it sometimes....and I KNOW that if I strive to get one hour of exercise in per day, that my weight will fall the way I want it to.  Once I get into a routine, I'm pretty good at sticking with it, but once I let that lapse, I also have a very hard time getting back to where I should be.  I'm working on it.

--Finally got to go to class.  I don't think they're gonna be as bad I originally thought.  That's a VERY good thing.

--I found out that my favorite band will be touring close by at the beginning of August, and I have the chance to meet them again, IF I play my cards right and get lucky.  That's just something else to look forward to, and work toward.  I want to be healthy when I meet them again....I know they won't remember me...how could they?  They're superstars.  But it matters to me, I think that I'll have more confidence and that's something I want more than anything.

--One of my best friends made my day.  Actually, it was a combination of what two of them said.  No matter how down I am, I can always count on them to make me feel better.  If they only knew how much I appreciate and love them all.

--Today was my grandma's 65th birthday.  She's my best friend.  I can tell her anything and know that everything will be okay.  I just hate that I couldn't be home to celebrate with her.

Bad things about today:

--I didn't track all of my points because I didn't know how many were in the salad I was brought for dinner.  I really need to stop eating things that I can't log....no matter how healthy I "THINK" they are for me.

--I didn't get everything done that I needed to, and now feel rushed.  Most days I feel like I'll never get the chance to slow down, and that's not fun.

--I feel like another of my best friends is slipping away from me.  In my mindset, once we're friends, truly friends, then you're kinda stuck with me long term.  She and I have both been single for an incredibly long time and now she's dating someone she met online.  I just don't have the heart to tell her that I think she's moving WAY too fast.  I don't want to see her get hurt, and I certainly don't want to see her ditch her family and friends, but I think both are happening.  Granted, I haven't met the guy, and I don't want to judge, but wow, this has all happened in the blink of an eye, and to me...I just don't think you should forsake plans already made to make new ones with someone else.  I don't like feeling like someone else is the better person to spend time with.  Guess that's the jealous side coming out that everyone accuses me of having. 

Oh well.  Just thought I'd get that stuff out.

I WILL work harder tomorrow.  Hope you all have a great day!

-Amy

SSOO RIGHT!

Your youthful age still amazes me, beautiful, young Amy!  And the way you can see things and be as philosophical as you are.  I had to get in quite a few more years of living to get to the stage where you already seem to be at.

Yes, Amy, this IS about US and our losing the weight just for us.  We cannot change anyone other than ourselves and we should never want to unless it is to satisfy ourselves.  NOTE to MYSELF: If, when I get to where I am satisfied with ME it ISN'T satisfactory for Hal, then he can kiss my big ol'e butt!  I love him dearly but he is NOT the only man out there and I will NOT relinquish my power for him or any man.

Your GF with the new BF reminds me of how I 'did' my friends when I was much younger and i agree with you that she shouldn't cancel on you and/or anyone else just to be with this man.  It is not to her advantage.  She needs to let him know that she has a life beyond and outside of the relationship with him and not being available because she is honoring prior commitments ought to score her some points and, if it doesn't, then he is probably a loser.

You sound like such a loving and concerned friend and before you get too down on yourself because you think you might be feeling jealous, please don't.  I don't necessarily think it's jealousy, but you'll have to be the ultimate judge of that.  But even if it is, you know, I think it's justified at times because you have been there for this friend for a long time and I would hope she'd love and respect this about you enough not to play you as second fiddle now.

Maybe it's a maturity issue, but I have finally realized that my "Sisters" are EVERYTHING to me and, push come to shove, I would much rather be surrounded by and immersed in what I know I can and will get from my friends - a type of beautiful and wonderful love and support that i am convinced that no man can ever give us, not in the way a girlfriend does.

Just my two cents ... and then some!

WTG on working out for an hour!  Whoo hoo!  Would you please extend your leg on down my way and kick me in the butt as I have not worked out in two days.  Sure, we had snow today but heck, it's SC and it melts and is usually gone within hours of falling:(!  I can hardly use weather as my excuse!!!!

Hugs,

Janet

{{{{{AMY}}}}}

Amy,

I hadn't thought about mixing it up with the cardio.  I've been doing the treadclimber mostly because it burns the most calories per workout but what you say makes complete sense.  My trainer told me it's better to push myself for awhile and then slow the pace than to always keep it at a steady pace and I think this, combined with switching machines, may just be key.  Thanks for the great idea!  Have a SUPER weekend.

Hugs,

Janet