So I'm nearly back where I started AGAIN. I promised myself I wouldn't just pig out because it was Christmas (see last post!) but I did. Feeling very disappointed with myself.

Anyway, 2009 is a new year, new start and all that. I have 7 weeks until I go to Blackpool with my mates on my pre-hen do to watch Funny Girls and I would like to fit a little more comfortably into my Coast black cocktail dress by then. I think weight loss wise I should only aim for 1lb a week...I would love to say 2lbs a week but looking at my past efforts that seems a little unrealistic. So, I WILL be 11st 7lbs again by end of Feb and I will be feeling better about myself!

As well as feeling disappointed with myself, I'm also very sad today because it's the 6 year anniversary of my sister's death

She was only 16 when she got menigitis and died suddenly. Time's a great healer and the grief hasn't been too bad this year but New Year is always a rubbish time as it brings back all the horrible memories of hospitals and all the trauma we went through. I still miss her something awful - even though we hated each other  - and I would give anything to have another argument with her. The one thing I am glad of is that I lost all the excess weight the year before she died, so at least she got to see that I could do it. She got my Mum's genes and was a right skinny minny! Annoyingly she wasn't skinny in a 'too thin' way either- she was still a bit curvy... and she ate what she liked.

She would have made a cracking bridesmaid, though I would have sacked her about 15 times by now. As much as I'm looking forward to the wedding it will be heart wrenching not to have her there being a pain in the bum.

Sorry for the sob story guys! Feel better for getting it off my chest though. It's sometimes hard to talk about it in the 'real world' because family and friends have their own grief and have heard it all before.

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy and slim 2009!

A x

After a month of STS or lose 1/2 I've now gained 1 1/2 pounds. Sh1t.

Bloomin work and other xmas lunches and all the overeating that goes with it is to blame. I ate so much at one lunch I had to leave work early and go for a lie down at home...

Plus I've not done any exercise and have even been avoiding my daily walk into town from work as the shops are bloomin crazy.

Eugh. I feel like such a fat lazy heiffer and it's now down to days of trying to avoid the usual festive over indulgence. Why do families always try to force feed you 'because it's Christmas'?!

I think I'm definately going to go for the work gym/pool membership. I need something to tie me into doing exercise e.g. 15 months at £25.50 per month no cancellation allowed! I'm either going to end up slim, fit and chuffed or feel very podgy and poor...I know which I'd rather be!!!

Have a good Christmas everyone. Heres to saying "No thank you, I don't want another mince pie, chocolate, piece of Christmas cake..."

A x

Haven't blogged for a couple of weeks...Christmas just seems to have taken over!

I'm in a bit of a quandry...

Work - the local council - are offering a discounted membership package to use all of their leisure services for around £25 per month. This is really reasonable as they have an ok gym, lots of classes and 3 pools within driving distance. Downsides are that I audit them so know a fair few of the staff and am not exactly their best mate, and you have to sign up for 15 months! This is a really long time if I don't enjoy going or it's ridiculously busy at peak times (which it used to be donkeys years ago when I used to go there).

I really miss the gym from when me and OH used to go before he started shifts but we sort of egged each other on. I'm not sure I'd be any good at going on my own. On the other hand I could do with upping the exercise next year before the wedding. Feel desperately chunky at the moment - especially my legs...it's like they're getting bigger day by day no matter how much I exercise! Lisa Snowden's Strictly training footage of her in leggings has set this off I think...I want those legs...mine are about 3 times the width of hers...NOT FAIR!

My body is weird...sneaky weigh in showed 2lb gain again...weigh in showed lost 1/2 pound...it's either that or my scales are knackard!

A x

Weekend bad...(food wise)

Went away to watch King's of Leon in Sheffield on Friday (who were amaaaaazing btw) and although I did a lot of rather mental jumping about and walking around Sheffield city centre I drank a LOT and ate non sensible options for every meal. I then seem to have just carried on this mentality today and yesterday. I think if I start any day with a cooked breakfast it's downhill from there!

I also think it's not helping that it's just before TOTM and I am seriously stressed because I've found out today (from the local bloomin' paper) that the company which owns our wedding venue has gone into administration and I have no idea if it's going to be ok

Why is it that something a bit stressful makes me want to eat 20 pizzas???!!!

A positive is that I went to my boot camp exercise class tonight to try to get rid of some of the stress and feel better for it. It's off now until 10th January so I think me and my Mum are going to go swimming together in between. I need to get back into exercising a bit more everyday. It's just been so cold that all I want to do when I get back in is snuggle and eat!

Anyways, need to go and get OH from his mates house. He's been watching NFL (yawn) and eating...pizza...evil man!

Sneaky peak says I've gained 2 1/2 pounds! I'm not sure how! I had a bad day on Saturday but thought I'd clawed back enough. Obviously not...grrrr! I just feel like stuffing my face now but know that's not the answer.

The motivation of being 11 stone for xmas was really good and with last week's half pound loss I was so sure I'd have a good loss this week. So unless I miraculously lose more than 2 1/2 pound by tomorrow evening I'm stuffed.

Plan of action (as well as drinking about 5 litres of water to flush system!) is to drop down to 18 points for a week and see how it goes. I'm just so useless at losing weight. So frustrated with myself.

A x

Well my target to lose 2lbs a week until xmas has been quashed with a loss of 1/2 a lb this week! For some reason extrapounds won't record a 1/2 lb loss though so it says I've lost a lb? Anywho it's still a step in the right direction and in hindsight the rather good loss of 3lbs last week was maybe too good to be true.

Just going to try and stick to the points again and exercise more! Pretty simple really.

Maybe I'll be 11 stone by new year instead!

A x

Well I've gone and set myself a very, very ambitious target and it seems to have spurred me on! My aim is to be 11 stone by xmas. That's 2 lbs a week minimum. Ambitious I know, but also possible (in theory).

Have had a good week and a sneaky peek today shows I've lost 1 1/2 pounds so far. Need to try extra hard at boot camp class tonight to try and shift that extra half pound and make sure I don't sneak some back on! No walking properly until Thursday again for me then! LOL.

Hopefully I can keep it up. I have to say I'm a little worried about the realease of this new WW plan next week. Worried they're going to scrap points... I know I can keep going on my own but have started relying on e source these days. Hmmm I guess I should wait for it to be released before stressing!