| Height: | |
| Start weight: | 260.00lb |
| Current weight: | 252.00lb |
| Goal weight: | 130.00lb |
| Lost to date: | 8.00lb |
| Remaining: | 122.00lb |
| 8 |
| January '09 |
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My doctor was more than happy to write a note telling my insurance company all about the many ways that regular exercise will help me. So I'll begin trying to get reimbursement for health club and personal training costs from my Flexible Spending Account as soon as I've found a club that doesn't give me the heebie-jeebies.
Thank goodness for small favors.
I can't use the university gym until next week, and even then, only from 6:30 - 10 am and 8-10 pm. Those hours are tough on my schedule, so I'm still looking for a gym membership.
But THOSE are super spendy. ($30/month is a DEAL, here.) I've got an appointment to see my doctor this week; if he'll write me a note, insurance will THINK about covering a gym membership for me.
Or I can just suck it up and hit up the university gym before work. *le sigh*
So I had my appointment with a "membership coordinator" for my city's most popular fitness chain. (They're not national, just a big, local chain.)
I could tell the meeting was over before it began. The guy wasn't overtly hostile -- he didn't call me names or anything, but he also didn't show me the facility. I'm not sure if it's because I wanted to know costs up front or if it's because of my size, but either way, it's unacceptable.
If you want me to commit to pay you either $65 or $85 a month, you better show me at least a little lovin'.
I've got calls in to a couple of other local gyms. Hopefully those experiences will be a bit better.
Why lose weight? Why not just stay the same?
Well, as much as I like having people automatically assume I'm intellectually dull and incredibly lazy, I do have dreams and goals. I want simple things, like being able to ride my bike really, really far and more abstract things, like not being eliminated from a job applicant pool because of my weight. In no particular order, I want the following:
I want my back to stop aching, damn it, and if it doesn't, I want an answer other than "strengthen your abdominals".
I want to stop feeling so ashamed for existing and taking up space. I have as much right to exist as anyone.
I want to feel less intimidated to try new things. I don't want to base my choices on whether I think people are going to laugh at me.
I want to complete a triathlon.
I want to learn to snowboard.
I want to shop in the "regular" clothes section.
I want to be able to buy off-the-rack bras.
I want to eat without guilt.
I want to run a mile.
I want to stand up for myself and not feel cowed because I "just know" everyone is judging me.
I want to be WAY hotter than my sister-in-law.
I want to get compliments addressed at ME and not at individual body parts.
I've lost weight, before.
I was skinny until puberty. Then, a combination of genetics (you WILL have Irish Child-bearing Hips!) and reaction to my dad's modestly lewd comments about my friends' bodies ("so-and-so sure has a cute figure!") led to an 80-pound-above-normal weight gain by the time I was 13.
My freshman year of high school, I lost all of it. I needed a new gym class as a result of a schedule change and wound up in Mrs. Earl's Aerobic Dance class. Mrs. Earl was of the "I don't care WHAT excuse you give me, you WILL participate" school of gym instruction.
She made us run. (Run!) She made us sweat. She made us work out, even if we didn't have our gym clothes with us. (The idea of sitting through our remaining classes in sweaty clothes was enough to make most of us dress out.)
And, slowly, I lost 80 pounds. As I began to lose weight, I began making better food choices. I never went on a "diet." I just started making better choices.
I stayed near my New, Improved weight through high school and even took up swimming my senior year.
Then I graduated and got A Real Job. And continued to eat like a swimmer. And discovered fast food.
Fortunately, my job was retail, so I was burning quite a few calories just by virtue of the fact that I was not only on my feet for 7-8 hours every day, but also frequently carrying large stacks of jeans across the sales floor. So I didn't make any dietary changes. I bought clothes in progressively larger sizes until I hit 14, where I seemed to have found stasis.
I wore size 14s until I got my first desk job. Since I hadn't modified my eating habits, and I didn't realize how many calories I'd been burning just by being at work, I didn't make any accommodations in my lifestyle.
And I rapidly gained 60 pounds. Over about 3 months. I was now a size 18 and HORRIFIED. I spent a lot of time crying and beating myself up. (The men in my life have always insisted that I'm beautiful as I am, but I've never been able to believe them.)
In the intervening 10 years, I've managed to gain another 80 pounds and am now straining the waistbands of my size 22 pants. (Eeep!)
Not that I haven't tried, of course.
I lost 25 pounds on Weight Watchers, but dropped that due to meeting cost and schedule conflicts. Those pounds came back and brought 5 of their closes friends.
I lost those 30 plus an additional 4 on South Beach, but, since I live in the land of the $3 tomato, we quit that over the winter -- it was just too expensive to maintain, particularly with my reduced hours at work. So I gained back everything I'd lost plus another 15. Yay.
And here we go again.
I've talked the Other Human into restarting South Beach. I've started interviewing Personal Trainers. I'm optimistic, but I'm also realistic.
And, at this point, while, yeah, I'd like to be ultra-hot and 21, I'd be happy just to be able to ride with my local mountain bike club and not get dropped three minutes into the ride.
