The Aliens Brought Me Back
Hi everyone. And happy Independence Day. I was briefly abducted by a race of extra terrestrials who are trying to beat the fat gene themselves and needed a nice, rotund Earth creature on which to conduct experiments. This time, all the food I have consumed is THEIR FAULT and not the fault of Satan!! I cannot, however, say Satan's innocent because that would be an oxy moron. It seems the aliens needed to see how much food an Earth creature could consume over one weekend. I have to admit, it was incredible fun. I was not probed.... unfortanately.
Anyhoo, I am back. I'm rather ashamed that I have not lost so much as half an ounce, but I am back none the less. I am ready to attempt to get back on the diet wagon. I have decided that, perhaps, I should give up coca cola cold turkey. And bread, and cheese. I am not sure what I will eat. Maybe I'll graze in the yard like a buffalo. Maybe I'll call my ex boyfriend's mother who used to pluck, boil and eat a weed that grows all over lawns. She called it "plantin". It tasted god-awful but she loved it, and she was not malnourished. I supose I might as well eat it because most low-cal foods taste almost as god-awful as it did.
Oh, and another thing I am just SO excited about! I went to the doctor Saturday (she's open half a day) and found out I weigh 238 damn pounds. That's more than I realized. I was thinking 235, but oh well. I'm heavier than I was when I was laborously carrying around a 21 1/2 inch, 9 pound 4 ounce human being in my belly. I was heavier than I presently am, though, when I was packing my first born who was also 21 1/2 inches but a whopping 11 pounds 2 ounces. Not much heavier then than now, though. Just seven pounds heavier.
So, I am back. Back by popular demand. LOL!!! Everyone misses my big arse!! :-D Let's don't forget what today's about. Our freedom ain't free!!!