what is wrong with me?

I am sad. Things are going very well in my life right now.  We are finally settled, at least I think we are.  We bought a house, and in this economy that means we are settled at least for awhile.  I love my house- it is perfect and everything that I have always wanted.  My huband is happy at work (finally), he feels like he is helping people and enjoys his staff.  My kids are thriving. ds is loving school and dd and ds2 are loving all the things that we do and playing with friends and cousins.  I have been so blessed.  But all I can think about is how fat I am.  I am so down on myself and I won't do anything to change it.

My in-laws are getting that lapband surgery.  Part of me wants to just give in and do that but the other part of me wants to prove that I can do it- that I can lose the weight myself.  What can I do to stop eating all the time?  I am always eating, even when I am not hungry.  I am so angry with myself!  Whay can't I get it together?  I know how to lose weight, I know all the right answers but I just keep eating.  Oh I am so pathetic!!!

I am really not like this.  I am a very positive and happy person.  I plan like crazy how I am going to lose the weight.  I plan meals and only buy healthy food.  I bought a jogging stroller and excercise clothes.  What is stopping me from just doing it?  Oh right...it's the drive-thru at McDonalds. Just kidding but not entirely.

I love to blog- it helps me get my feelings out and figure out what I am really thinking.  I think that blogging more will help.  Or maybe I will join WW again.  Or I can find a different route home that doesn't pass McDonald's.  See I told you I know all the answers.  Sad Sad Sad I need to get ahold of myself.  Okay enough complaining.  I'll figure it out.