UGH!!!!......xx

Hey girls how's u?

Don't be decieved by the title I'm fine ......just ugh!/Blah!

I gained a pound which while is a bummer is realisticly far less than I could have gained over easter...plus I ate out twice over the wend so really its fine but I'm still just a little pissed!

I think I'm having an equivalent to a three years old temper tantrum lol Bless me!....I guess what I want to say is (while stamping my feet and screaming for dramatic effect lol) but I like IT!!!!!! lol....All the 'gd for u' stuff is yucky!!!! I want to eat chocolate and crisps all day long and have a flat tummy and I want it now!! LOL xx

If only hey! Off to check up on how everyone else is doing now

Have a great day and talk soon

xx

Learning so much

Hey there How is everyone today?

Can I just say once again how fab I think this site is.,.....Its so inspiring reading everyone blogs and pinching some of their ideas.

Not got time to stop and chat today, me and kiddies are gonna tuck up in my bed and watch a film...lush!!

Take care and talk soon xx

Getting sorted xx

Hey girls. How is everyone today?

Well I am really really nervous about weigh in on Tuesday!! I think its because I am completely happy with everything that I am eating/drinking at the moment and would like to carry on doing it lol. Seriously I don't feel that I'm not allowing myself to have stuff and would actually love to continue like this even if it means only losing say half a pound a week but continuously doing that.

The good news is that since I've been thrown off F.I.T I can now go back to weighing on the scales at my gym which are more accurate.

Speaking of F.I.T MM I think you've made the right choice re concentrating on spending more time with your family and dealing with what matters....Its just a shame and makes me sad that you didn't feel I had the same right but hey ho....If ya reading this loads of luck xx

So heres the revised/organised commandments. Reck I'm gonna copy C6's idea again (sorry!) and get a copy laminated to carry around with me. Its really stupid but I can't tell you how good I feel deciding all of this...  

1. Take pride in myself and my appearance

2. Tell my children how proud they make me everyday

3. Surround myself with people who care and loose the idiots who pretend too

4. Go to bed every night, looking back on the day knowing I was agood mum that day

5. Stand up, make the right decisions and then stick to them

6. Ensure I have a good book in the house at all times

7. Don't waste time and energy trying to get peoples approval-If they loved and cared about me they'd have my back whatever

8. Solve my own problems before those of others

9. Don't let the past bog me down

10. Accept what I can change and what I can't

11. Listen to my son read every day. Have special time with my daughter every day

12.  Take pride in my career

13. Remember I'm only me......... but that just being me is wonderful

14. Allow myself time to grieve when I feel the need but then  move on

15. Remember something that made me smile at least once a day

16. Remember it is good to have dreams and even better to fight to achieve them

Right off to have breakfast now!

Hey forgot to say I threw away my easter egg my sister brought me....I know, I know its an absolute sin to throw choc away and may I be struck down for doing so but I ate what i wanted to and then discarded the rest instead of eating it and then feeling Sh*t about it.

Have a fab day ladies

xx

My commandments

Hey there, hope your all having a gd day whatever your up too

Well I'm gonna do a bit of blog steling and take inspiration from a friend and set myself rules to live by....Don't u guys reck thats a fab idea and with everything that goes on I think it will be wonderful to have something to refer too...Any hints and ideas will be much appreciated

Hum ok number 1

** Remember something that made me smile at least once a day

** Take pride in myself and appearance

** Take pride in my career

** Don't waste time trying to get peoples approval-if they love and care about me they'll support me whatever

** Surround myself with people who care and loose the idiots

** Listen to my son read every day

** Solve my own problems before those of others

** Remember I'm only me...but that thats wonderful because I am unique

** Allow myself time to grieve when I feel I need to but then move on

** Remember it is good to have dreams and even better to fight to achieve them

** Don't let the past bog me down

** Accept what  I can change and do it

** Be a gd mum

God I could go on for hours.....Think i'll have to ponder on a few more and then sort them into some kind of order

I guess the idea is that if I can organise my self/life I can finally release the hold food has on me and allow the skinny girl out of her blubber closet lol

Laters peeps, Loves ya xx

Apologies

Hello there girls, Can't stay long because I am starting work in an hour and gotta do food shop, check in on friend and go to kids school to talk to her teacher all before hand....

Just wanted to say sorry to all the girls on F.I.T.....I never meant to offend you all by not posting frequently and I am sorry that you felt the need to throw me off your site.....I guess I saw it as a life long commitment rather than a day by day one and thought we would be there for each other long term wise through thick and thin (pardon the pun lol!)

Anyways if its ok with everyone I would very much like to keep you all on my friends list and will check in on you all as often if I can. Let me know if its not ok to do so....

I wish you all the luck in the future and thank you for all of you kind messages recently xxx

Concentrating on whats important

Had some awful news today guys so this'll be brief...

Will try to get on here as much as I can but right now I need to be with the people that matter to me most so take care and best of luck to everyone

xx

Smaller portions

My god last nite I felt SOOOO ill!!

I ate my usual size portion for tea and did the usual stupid thing ate it all even though I was full half way through!!! Its SOOO stupid!! Because I am trying to make sure I am eating things that I enjoy that are still low fat I actually want to eat them all and refuse to admit that I have had enough lol!! I forget that my stomach capacity is shrinking- margionally admittedly but its still on its way!

It didn't help that although my calorie intake was quite high over the wend it was all snacky/non filling stuff. So when my stomach was bombarded by jacket potatoes yesterday it was like wooh....expand expand!!! lol

Ah well lesson learnt hey! Am gonna really really focus this wk and allow myself me time!

I have to confess what with everything going on last wk I didn't even do one day of the fit challenge but today (or rather yesterday- whoops!) is a new week and I can only start from here hey!!

Have a great day ladies xx

Thinking about food as a way of coping

Hey girls, hope your all well?

That title probably sounds bizarre but its something that occured to me last night....

The short version of the story is my friend took an overdose yesterday and called me for help (She's alive before anybody starts panicking). So I did the whole ambulance/doctor/contacting family thing (Not meaning to sound heartless but my way of talking about upsetting situations is to be brief so I don't get upset if that makes sense) and that just leaves me with her 4 children to collect from school and look after alonf with my 2. Super mum to the rescue lol!!

So, priorities...comfort and feed them. Comfort- I've got that down...Feed- Crap not got enough in for tea! I tend to shop most days rather than stock up so there's not any temptations lying around. What to do!! Its raining and I can't get all the kids in the car...Call for take away. Only place that delivers is American Pizza so choice is made for me!

Kids fed sorted...now for me...and it smells SOOO good. I then spend the next twenty minutes beating myself up (emotionally obviously lol) about wanting to eat it...two minutes scoffing it.....rest of the night feeling guilty about devouring said item and thats when it occurs to me.......I've been so consumed with worrying about food that I've not had time to worry about Hayley!!

Does any body else think that sometimes aswell as using food to comfort and reward ourselves we also  use our obcession with food as a way of not dealing with other more difficult situations???

Just a thought ladies...Off to watch sons footy match now with all the kids in tow lol...feel like a mother duckling!!     Have a great day!

xx

Thank you and heres to a new day xx

Guys I know I have thanked you all personally but I do just have to say again how much I appreciated your kind words. I take all your thoughts and advice on board and look forward to plodding along through today slowly but steadily putting the whole event/situation behing me.

Went to my first appt at a weight loss clinic at my doctors surgery today. Was the usual, how do you feel about food/ exercising more blah blah....Was fairly amused when I answered her question of why I find food a comfort. Her immediate response was have you considered councelling? lol loads.....Show me a fat girl who doesn't have issues with food!! xx

So I have all my forms to fill in and track how I coped with stressful situations....Comment boxes to complete on how I will do better next time lol!!......Did any body else realise that apparently its not the wine and chocolate that makes us feel better; its the pretty glass and the sitting down and relaxing that does it lol loads....Apparently if we replace that glass of wine/vodka and that bar of galaxy with a mineral water and apple we'll feel just as fine and dandy....Anybody else thinkin what I'm thinkin? :-)

So heres to a new day ladies......I reckon we'll all be just fine somewhere down the line don't u?

xxx

Eating/drinking that man right out of my hair!!

Why is it when you finally think that just possibly your starting to get your life under control 'Mr Not-at-all Perfect' puts in a reappearance?!

I've been so good and so strong ladies, and the bastard still gets to me!!

I am thoroughly ashamed to say that I have spent the last couple of months ending a relationship with an engaged man. Please don't stop reading immediately because I fully understand what a horrible horrible trog I am and ended it the minute I met her. He, on the other hand, did not want to. I've changed my moby number and completely changed my routine so that I can avoid seeing him. I can't bear it when I do because it is just so painful (which absolutley I know I deserve)

We have a history together and I think thats why it finally happened and really its something that had to happen but unfortunately we have hurt people along the way.

Having ended it and changed my numbver for the third time, he managed to get hold of it through a mutual friend who was fully aware of the situation and shouldn't have given it out but did. So anyways, he txts and calls constantly sun nite. I ignore a dirty txt he sends me because I know it is wrong. It was very explicit and unfortunately his fiance found it later that evening!!!!

Cannot even tell you how awful I feel and again I know it serves me right but I am only human people. I have fucked up big style but so you know and although it is absolutely no excuse I do care very deeply for him.

They're working things out and bless her she's sticking with him. We've said nothing has happened and that is what I will always maintain. He has blamed the txt on the drink and will hopefully now cut all ties with me.

If I could turn back time believe me I would but this feeling at the moment is awful!!

Not only have I let a fellow woman down, I've let myself down and lost a friend in him.

Not that the following even really matters in the scheme of things but how have I coped with this? I've eaten and drunk my way through it. I'm now a fatter, lonelier blob than I was last week and I only have myself to blame.

Again ladies, please learn from my misteakes and continue to be the beautiful people that you are and not a scheming, man stealing cow that I have been

Take care and hope your having a better one

xx