Fu*k**n fed up of selfish people! xx

Ok I am going to sound like a real bitch now so apologies in advance, but I am sick to death (pardon the pun) of people I know either attempting to or actually going through with killing themselves!!!......Whats the matter with all these people!! Why can't they realise how painful it is for us left behind!!!!! So a message in advance to all I know.....Bloody call me, write me... do pi**in something and I will try and help but don't just end it all and leave me or others to clean up the mess cos its just not fair!!!!

Sorry rant over

xx

Really good day today

I'm really surprised guys but I'm feeling really good about this now!! Kids have enjoyed all the meals today and not made a fuss....I've not been hungry at all and I'm not even craving my usual glass of wine either lol!!

Am sure it'll change but for the mo big thumbs up!!

Carbs are still higher than my protein intake but its pretty much all from fruit/veg and my small bowl of porridge in the morn so reck thats ok xx

Off to check in on u all now. Talk to u soon

xx

Feeling positive

well do ya know...and i am probably completely going to jinx myself when I actually type this....but I am actually feeling quite in control today!

Am glugging down the old water like I'll never drink again, have been out for lunch and chosen wisely food wise and had a diet coke rather than a glass of wine. I did slip up and have a tiny slice of cake at work and two choc roses but I can live with that and it'll be within my sins so thats cool.

Have got a friend coming round tonight and we're gonna order take out but have already chosen what I'm gonna eat and made all gd choices.

Done the weeks food shop according to the new meal plan...spent a fortune but all on good stuff instead of usual rubbish so thats cool.

As I'm having a take out tonight and am out all day tomorrow am gonna have a cook session withmy daughter now and make up the spag bol sauce ready for tea tomorrow then there's no excuses not too stick to it!!

Wish me luck, I hate cooking and am such a control freak!! It's so mean cos they love cooking with my mum but as its something I absolutely  hate doing I really don't enjoy spending twice as long doing it and making twice the mess too lol...Will just have to grit my teeth and enjoy the old bonding side of it and count to ten when tomato sauce goes all up the wall lol

talk to you all soon

xx

Big changes ahead!

Hello everyone...sorry I've not blogged for a bit...have had a very hectic week but I have now faced alot of things in my past and am beginning the journey of learning how to deal with them

Diet wise I've not been great but I've also not been too awful.....may see a gain this week but do you know what, compared to everything else that is going on it really is irrelevant.

what are my aims this week?....To deal with all the fall out without getting down and turning to my old mate food! Include my kids absolutely in my new food plan this week. Get them involved in preparing meals and what I eat, they eat end of! Planning a weekly meal schedule with their input too.

A friend of mine has done this with her family and its inspirational!! They are all feeling so much better for it and they have all lost weight

Well off to go check up on everyone now

Take care and speak soon

xx

Yo Yo dieter lol xx

Well I know I've been yo-yo dieting for bloody years weight wise but at the minute its the type of diet I'm messing about with lol!!.....Right from tomorrow....Slimming World Red days only for a week....Gonna go join a meeting tomorrow night (possibly lol) but def def def gonna focus this time!!

I know its stupid but since I've done my commandments they genuienly do make me feel better reading over them every day!! Silly huh but who cares if it works hey!!

xx

Going with

Hi there...Right have decided to give the low carb thing a go....Not rediculously low like atkins or owt but just try and make sure I'm eating more protein than I am carbs

Going ok so far so we'll have to see...Would be nice to have a positive result on the scale next week cos I know it'll be a gain this week.....Feel like a bloody walrus! Lol!!

Well ladies, you are never going to believe this because I know its so unusal (please note if you could hear me you'd be detecting an awful lot of sarcasm right now! lol) but I met a man at the wend and and guess what? I'm now pretty sure He's a dick lol!! well I've actually known him for about a year but he's been in kosovo (squaddie! ...i know i know..... ) so I haven't seen him. Anyways, seen him out on sat nite which is about the third time I've seen him in the last month.....So he's yadda yaddering about how much he's been missing me, blah blah...and I'm like enjoying the complement but have my sensible 'yeah right mr lookin-for-a-fuck-Courtney'. Honestly some of it, had it been true, was just so  sweet....propa chick flick shit!

So I'm still playin it cool and enjoyin my nite with my girlfriends when the A**hole who attacked me last year appears at the bar.....He's supposed to still be in Germany but is back over here because he's being investigated by the army for doing the same thing to a girl over there. Ugh!!, can't tell you how bad I feel about not reporting what happened to me because I will cry but I know my reasons why I didn't and have to stick by them....Basically it happened in my home and I figured there was a chance no-one would believe me and he'd then only have a reason to come back and do it again and obviously with kids in the house I can't take that risk plus he was going abroad for 3 years so just got myself through the time till he went, with massive help from my friends obviously.

So he's back!! I freak out completely and this guy is just there for me. He literally spent his whole night (along with my friend) liasing with the security staff to get rid of this guy and then stayed with me all nite incase he chanded clothes and came back....Oh it was such a relief having him there!! I know men are idiots and its my friends I'd turn to not a man, but god doesn't it make a difference having a strong man hold ya when ya shakin......

So he sticks around all the following day, just lounging in front of most haunted eating cheesy chips with me and my mate and I feel so safe with him...Its really pathetic I know but its a lonely world for us singletons always having to fight for ourselves.

Then when my mates gone, we kiss.... one thing leads to another and I guess because I felt like he was my knight in shining armour I let him take me to bed....EW!! So rough (which I was extremely pissed off about considering), so yuck....but he was lovely again afterwards. Stays for anothe rhour or so then goes cos my kiddies r coming back....lovely lovely at the door, says he'll txt me today, he's gonna miss me rah rah....and today nothing!!!! Zip!!

I'm only pissed off cos he knows how I feel about one time things but I felt he was someone I could trust and did just get swept up in the lookin after me thing....Seriously, I am awful with men!!! lol!! I will subconsciously knock the nice guy in the room over to get to the pricks behind him!!

So honestly (not quite sure why I'm sharing this with you all cos its naff all to do with weight-...well a little about exercise I guess lol) I totally think I'm gonna knock this whole sex lark on the head......I just don't enjoy it anymore at all....It just makes me feel dirty and cheap and nasty and I just can't be ar*sed with dredging up old feelings.....All I want is someone to look after me...fight my corner and protect me.....Not thrust away on top of me, spunk on my stomach and sweat up my bed sheets and the like...ugh...would much rather have some quality time with my rabbit followed by a good book lol

So, if anybody out there knows of a big strapping soft hearted lad who wants free room and board you just send him my way ok.......

One amusing part of yesterday was when Chris was in my kitchen and saw my fatty photo of me on the cupboard (the one in my gallery) and asked why I'd got a pic of me of when I was pregnant on my kitchen cupboard   lol......was funny saying oh know I was just fat and havin that on my cupboard stops me grabbing the snacks inside lol.....Maybe thats why he's not called lol....xx

Anyways, thanks for letting me rant....its made me feel better even if it has bored u stupid...Won't be offended if u decide to skip my 'story-telling' blogs in future lol!

Off to go and cook a high protein-low carb tea.......Can you believe alcohol has carbs in....Clearly I am not throwing that away!! lol.....pasta's one thing but drinks another lol

Talk soon

xx

Atkins yes or no?

Hi guys, hope your all ok...Am contemplating giving Atkins a go.....Anybody got any advice either way? And anybody who's on it....Do you know if you can eat quorn? as in veggy equivalent to beef....I bloody love the stuff!!

xx

Big Miss Flab-A-Lot

God thats just exactly what I feel like today!!! Obviously its because I've over eaten and not exercised as much but ugh!....Feel like I've gained at least twelve stone!!

:o(

xx

Why is it...?

Why is it that when I actually get to the point when I want to go to the gym something happens so that I can't go?!!!!

Yesterday my daughter was poorly, today new tellys being delivered!!! Duh!! Now I'm going to be forced... forced I say to sit in front of it watching my favourite programmes in HD 42" quality all evening....Its a hard life hey lol

xx

;o) / :o( xx

Hi there how is everyone today?

I'm attempting to be all positive about dieting, sorry my 'healthy lifestyle change' lol, but isn't it just exhausting lol

Have set myself a new goal of 1670cals a day which according to that calculator thingy should mean that I lose 1lb a wk which would be just fine with me but really would much rather just not have to think about it lol

Wish there was a magic pill that you took at the end of the day and it made all the excess calories just melt away into fairy dust....hey a girl can dream can't she lol

So I had a big binge last nite on choc. Trying not to feel bad about it now cos it was the last of my easter choc and I just could not possibly have thrown these away....Milky Bar Moments...OMG!!!! They are yum!! They're like minstrels but with white choc and a white shell for anyone who's not tried them....I begrudgingly let the kids have 5 each...No kidding sweat was pouring off my fore head as I was doing it lol...Then they ate them really quick.......The bloody cheek of it......You don't shove pure heaven in ya mouth like that!!! lol

Even with my binge my total calorie intake was 2300 plus I burned off 180kcals walking kids to school so really I'm fine....plus I have enough flab there already to hide any new arrival lol

Well off to cook lunch then off to work...Oh the joy of it all lol

Have a grt day everyone

xx