Apologies

Hello there girls, Can't stay long because I am starting work in an hour and gotta do food shop, check in on friend and go to kids school to talk to her teacher all before hand....

Just wanted to say sorry to all the girls on F.I.T.....I never meant to offend you all by not posting frequently and I am sorry that you felt the need to throw me off your site.....I guess I saw it as a life long commitment rather than a day by day one and thought we would be there for each other long term wise through thick and thin (pardon the pun lol!)

Anyways if its ok with everyone I would very much like to keep you all on my friends list and will check in on you all as often if I can. Let me know if its not ok to do so....

I wish you all the luck in the future and thank you for all of you kind messages recently xxx

Concentrating on whats important

Had some awful news today guys so this'll be brief...

Will try to get on here as much as I can but right now I need to be with the people that matter to me most so take care and best of luck to everyone

xx

Smaller portions

My god last nite I felt SOOOO ill!!

I ate my usual size portion for tea and did the usual stupid thing ate it all even though I was full half way through!!! Its SOOO stupid!! Because I am trying to make sure I am eating things that I enjoy that are still low fat I actually want to eat them all and refuse to admit that I have had enough lol!! I forget that my stomach capacity is shrinking- margionally admittedly but its still on its way!

It didn't help that although my calorie intake was quite high over the wend it was all snacky/non filling stuff. So when my stomach was bombarded by jacket potatoes yesterday it was like wooh....expand expand!!! lol

Ah well lesson learnt hey! Am gonna really really focus this wk and allow myself me time!

I have to confess what with everything going on last wk I didn't even do one day of the fit challenge but today (or rather yesterday- whoops!) is a new week and I can only start from here hey!!

Have a great day ladies xx

Thinking about food as a way of coping

Hey girls, hope your all well?

That title probably sounds bizarre but its something that occured to me last night....

The short version of the story is my friend took an overdose yesterday and called me for help (She's alive before anybody starts panicking). So I did the whole ambulance/doctor/contacting family thing (Not meaning to sound heartless but my way of talking about upsetting situations is to be brief so I don't get upset if that makes sense) and that just leaves me with her 4 children to collect from school and look after alonf with my 2. Super mum to the rescue lol!!

So, priorities...comfort and feed them. Comfort- I've got that down...Feed- Crap not got enough in for tea! I tend to shop most days rather than stock up so there's not any temptations lying around. What to do!! Its raining and I can't get all the kids in the car...Call for take away. Only place that delivers is American Pizza so choice is made for me!

Kids fed sorted...now for me...and it smells SOOO good. I then spend the next twenty minutes beating myself up (emotionally obviously lol) about wanting to eat it...two minutes scoffing it.....rest of the night feeling guilty about devouring said item and thats when it occurs to me.......I've been so consumed with worrying about food that I've not had time to worry about Hayley!!

Does any body else think that sometimes aswell as using food to comfort and reward ourselves we also  use our obcession with food as a way of not dealing with other more difficult situations???

Just a thought ladies...Off to watch sons footy match now with all the kids in tow lol...feel like a mother duckling!!     Have a great day!

xx

Thank you and heres to a new day xx

Guys I know I have thanked you all personally but I do just have to say again how much I appreciated your kind words. I take all your thoughts and advice on board and look forward to plodding along through today slowly but steadily putting the whole event/situation behing me.

Went to my first appt at a weight loss clinic at my doctors surgery today. Was the usual, how do you feel about food/ exercising more blah blah....Was fairly amused when I answered her question of why I find food a comfort. Her immediate response was have you considered councelling? lol loads.....Show me a fat girl who doesn't have issues with food!! xx

So I have all my forms to fill in and track how I coped with stressful situations....Comment boxes to complete on how I will do better next time lol!!......Did any body else realise that apparently its not the wine and chocolate that makes us feel better; its the pretty glass and the sitting down and relaxing that does it lol loads....Apparently if we replace that glass of wine/vodka and that bar of galaxy with a mineral water and apple we'll feel just as fine and dandy....Anybody else thinkin what I'm thinkin? :-)

So heres to a new day ladies......I reckon we'll all be just fine somewhere down the line don't u?

xxx

Eating/drinking that man right out of my hair!!

Why is it when you finally think that just possibly your starting to get your life under control 'Mr Not-at-all Perfect' puts in a reappearance?!

I've been so good and so strong ladies, and the bastard still gets to me!!

I am thoroughly ashamed to say that I have spent the last couple of months ending a relationship with an engaged man. Please don't stop reading immediately because I fully understand what a horrible horrible trog I am and ended it the minute I met her. He, on the other hand, did not want to. I've changed my moby number and completely changed my routine so that I can avoid seeing him. I can't bear it when I do because it is just so painful (which absolutley I know I deserve)

We have a history together and I think thats why it finally happened and really its something that had to happen but unfortunately we have hurt people along the way.

Having ended it and changed my numbver for the third time, he managed to get hold of it through a mutual friend who was fully aware of the situation and shouldn't have given it out but did. So anyways, he txts and calls constantly sun nite. I ignore a dirty txt he sends me because I know it is wrong. It was very explicit and unfortunately his fiance found it later that evening!!!!

Cannot even tell you how awful I feel and again I know it serves me right but I am only human people. I have fucked up big style but so you know and although it is absolutely no excuse I do care very deeply for him.

They're working things out and bless her she's sticking with him. We've said nothing has happened and that is what I will always maintain. He has blamed the txt on the drink and will hopefully now cut all ties with me.

If I could turn back time believe me I would but this feeling at the moment is awful!!

Not only have I let a fellow woman down, I've let myself down and lost a friend in him.

Not that the following even really matters in the scheme of things but how have I coped with this? I've eaten and drunk my way through it. I'm now a fatter, lonelier blob than I was last week and I only have myself to blame.

Again ladies, please learn from my misteakes and continue to be the beautiful people that you are and not a scheming, man stealing cow that I have been

Take care and hope your having a better one

xx

Fair play!!! I am knackered!! xx

God I know all this exercise is doing me good but Jesus I could sleep for a week!!! Well not sleep cos I'm not mentally tired but physically I'm just shattered....Could just lie on the sofa and veg all day given the chance. Just picking my legs up to walk one in front of the other today is an effort!! Lol

Got measured at the gym today! Bit depressing but hey ho! The fact that my hip measurements have gone up a bit doen't worry me cos I'm one of those unlucky people who is cone shaped which is just not feminine at all!!! So if that starts to even out then will be well chuffed.

Sorry guys but am just too tired to think what to type lol...will prob check in again later though....have a great day

31.01.08.....05.03.08

Hips 39".......  41"

Bust 40.75" ....40.25"

Waist 35.75"...... 36.25"

Thighs 23.25".....23"

Calves 14.75"....14.75"

Arms 12"....12"

Abs 38.5".....37.75"

quick celevac update

Sorry guys meant to say earlier....tabs are still fab fab fab!!

Only taking on average one or two doses a day so certainly not worried about any future side affects and its helping we immensely

xx

I did it! I did it!! xx

I lost weight guys!!!....2.25lbs Am SO chuffed!! Not actually properly lost weight for bloody ages!!....Think its because I've been kidding myself for ages that I've been eating fine and I'm just one of those unlucky people; when actually thats just crap!! I've been eating too much (of the right things sometimes granted) and drinking too much and my success this week even after a crappy weekend just goes to show that!!

Must keep reminding myself of that!

Well today has been good so far all round! I walked to school and back today and went to the gym and my food plan has kept within my calories so provided I don't do anything now to fu*k it up I'll be doing good!!

Its amazing the difference a little bit of sunshine (even if its freezing still) makes to ones mood lol

xx

Changing daily routine to fit in the f.i.t challange!!

Can you BELIEVE that a fatty like me is gonna walk the mile to take kiddies to school (and the mile back!!)and go to the gym today!!! Feel I might need to reward myself with a big fat slice of chocolate cake later lol....

Thats my prob though you see, I always see celebrating an achievement as going out for a meal/drinks etc....:-(

WI this morn!!....Agh!!

Have a gooden guys

xx