New day....Sun is shining!! xx

Gorgeous day here today. Sunshine just makes you feel happy doesn't it....

Right this is it ladies!! This time I'm gonna do it!!!

Wish me luck!!

xx

Damn them lol xx

Damn those bloody good old friends who (purely for your own good) sit you down to have a chat about how fat you are and how lovely you used to look and how are you planning to get back to there.....Ugh LOl

And damn that her saying that just made me wolf down 2 rocky bars as soon as she left!!

lol xx

No real change xx

Hello ladies, sorry its been a while. Hope everyone is ok? Am gonna go check on everyone after I've posted.

Well life is just ticking along here really. Am still carrying on with the healty eating involving the family. We're planning our meals together a week in advance and just shopping once a week to avoid adding temptations on regular shopping trips. We are having treats but they are always planned and small.

Absolutely no change in the old weight or inches which is really getting me down but not much else I can do unfortunately. I had my contraceptive implant taken out on wednesday evening to see if that'll help and I'm gonna cut down on the portion sizes we have as a family but we don't have big portions anyway so not sure if that'll work but fingers crossed!

Work is going really well. Had my review on Wednesday and they've changed me from junior temp to permanent regular staff so am well chuffed!! I have two small pay rises with that and an increase in hours so hopefully finances will be a bit better from now on.

At the mo I returned to work in November after studying for a year and living on state benefits. Because of our wondeful system I am now working 24 hours a week for less money than I received sitting on my bum!! And still the government wonder why so many people refuse to work!! lol

I've also received a call form the police yesterday to say they have tracked down the guy who assaulted me last year and are now liasing with the army with regard to bringing him back from Germany where he'll be arrested and questioned. Thats gd news but also very frightening/intimidating news too but my friends are being very supportive.

The weather here had been lovely the last couple of days so that always cheers everyone up. Have even got my white legs out lol!

Haven't been to the gym this week because I hurt my ankle at work last thursday. One of the children ran off whilst we were on the school field at play time. I did the heroic mad dash wearing silly shoes and fell ar$ over tit in front of all the kids which they found most ammusing lol!!

Dating side of things, have taken my name off the dating site. They're are just so many wierdos on there lol!! I'm prob extra cautious now and over sensitive but still......Have still kept in touch with one guy though and we're planning drinks again soon so will just go with the flow on that one and see where it takes us.

Ok think  thats all my news so will go chjeck in on everyone else now. Have a great weekend guys and take care xx

Takeaway triumph!!

Hey all....hope your having a grt day

Well I was well chuffed with myself last nite. Went to a friends. The idea was we were both on the same diet so we'd have a healthy tea and then enjoy a bottle of wine. Turned out when I got there she'd opted to get a takeaway instead.........ugh!! Not very bloody often I'm actually feeling motivated and must admit I was disappointed that I was gonna have to cheat.

Anyways we had chinese and I chose as wisely as I could. Then I put out half my food, ate slowly, indulged in a few prawn crackers and a couple of chips too so not completely saintly by any means....but I only ate until I was comfortably full and left what was in my plate. I was actually really surprised just how much slower I was eating than my friend. It was awful, she ate and ate then devoured a whole big bar of choc too and then had to go vomit cos she felt too guilty. I love her to death and she appreciates that I don't judge her cos I've been there and understand how she feels but from a completely selfish point of view, It was grt to realise how far I've come with my bingeing/purging......I'm still a complete moose and parts of me wobble uncontrably when I brush my teeth but I'm a mentally stronger whale than I was a couple of years back.

I will stand by her every step of the way till she's better but I'm so glad I have more control over it now

Its really motivated me which I think is what I needed

xx

Hey! xx

Hey everyone....Hope you all well

Sorry I've not posted for a while.

Well I'm still plodding along with this whole diet thing and getting absolutely bloody nowehere!! Am so pi$$ed off!!!! It's so disheartening!

To go off subject kinda a minute...I'm giving the whole dating website another go at the mo.Well thats not strictly true as I've removed my profile now but have had a couple of dates. After all thats been going on I just decided life is too short not to try new things.

So my first date was with one of my ex husbands friends lol. Not close friend or anything and I did get back in touch with him through smooch.com so only felt marginally bad about it. Anyways was brickin it all week cos although he has seen me at this size before after I had my son, the last time he saw me I was 2 stone lighter!! So I was well nervous before I met up with him....Now I know this is going to sound really horrid cos he's a lovely guy but he'd piled on the weight big time since I'd last seen him too and I am very ashamed to say that I was just not attracted to him in the slightest because of it!! Isn't that awful!! I'd of been mortified if he'd have thought the same but to be fair to myself I really did give it a go. I spent all of the following sunday with him and had a smooch when I dropped him off, but there was just absolutely nothin there!!

My other news is that I am fast approaching lookin like a water bottle lol!! I have never drunk so much water regularly in my life!! I'm like weein every half hour lol!! And still bug*er all weight is droppin off :-( Any suggestions?

Am contemplating ordering some Phen off the internet because my doctors won't given me anything to help my weight loss. Just referred me to that nurse and even though I only have one more appt left with her and I've done all she's asked and lost naff all they still won't offer any meds because my BMI is now .2% below the criteria. Phen has also been banned over here....Noone on here's  had any bad experiences on it have they?

Caught up on everyones blogs earlier....girls your all doing so well....Am well proud of all of ya and just wanted to say cheers for being an inspiration!!

Have a grt wend and I'll talk to you all soon

xx

God I just don't understand!

Hey everyone...I just need to spill again for a while

Thank u to everyone who replied earlier. your thoughts/comments are much appreciated

I guess I just don't get it guys!!....Yes life is pretty sh*t most of the time!.....I get that!!...I sympathise and Jesus don't we all have problems!; but God, where do these people get off doing what they do?!!....Like them ending it all is the solution!!...Solution to who??....The selfish Twa**ing answer is them and them alone!!

Everything they're running away from still happens!!!....All the debt collectors/idiot boyfriends and crappy circumstances still happen....it's just their family/friends that have to pick up the pieces once they're gone!!

How do people do it?....As mothers, how do they leave their children guys?....How do they expect someone to possibly explain?....How fu*kin dare they think it's appropiate for children to have to comprehend these shitty shitty situations?!!!

Life stinks, but do u know what, its what we bloody well make it and thats what people need to realise/understand!

Suicide isn't an answer/resolution!....It's a whole bunch of cr*p that you're ultimately just unloading onto the people who you 'so say' care about, want to save from all of this rubbish by what? killing yourself?!!!......That evens sounds insane and  completely, completely illogical!!!

People, we are so special...If we can't see it for ourselves then look in the eyes of the people who love us....Imagine yourself sitting down and watching them being told your not here anymore.....Imagine them trying to get out of bed the following morning and every piggin morning to follow and try and make sense of it all in their heads!!

My children are so so special to me and I know I'm not alone! And do you know what ? I will bloody stay here, on this earth, and fight every piece of cr*p that comes my way...I will deal with every bad day and shit*y feeling that's to come and do my best to resolve it...but i can guarantee you, one thing I will never ever do is leave them to clean up after me!

At work I deal with people who are dying every day and liase with their families who are desperately trying to find answers....answers we just can't give; and someone with 'problems' goes and does this......It just beggars belief!!!

Guys if u need me, I will be here.......We are all so special, every last flabby ounce of us! And the world just would not function the same without us....remember that please...cos the alternative is just unthinkable

Vix and Nicky, I love you and will always think of u.....but I can never forgive u for what you've left behind.....I'm only sorry you decided not to ask for help and although I don't agree with what you've done, i hope to God you meant to do it....cos if that was your stupid stupid way of trying to get our attention....I'd of been there, even  if you'd only whispered to me

Becky and Hayley, I'm so glad your still here....but secretly I dread the day I'll be writing this about you....Don't make me do it- please...I will beg u on my knees if I have too

xx

Fu*k**n fed up of selfish people! xx

Ok I am going to sound like a real bitch now so apologies in advance, but I am sick to death (pardon the pun) of people I know either attempting to or actually going through with killing themselves!!!......Whats the matter with all these people!! Why can't they realise how painful it is for us left behind!!!!! So a message in advance to all I know.....Bloody call me, write me... do pi**in something and I will try and help but don't just end it all and leave me or others to clean up the mess cos its just not fair!!!!

Sorry rant over

xx

Really good day today

I'm really surprised guys but I'm feeling really good about this now!! Kids have enjoyed all the meals today and not made a fuss....I've not been hungry at all and I'm not even craving my usual glass of wine either lol!!

Am sure it'll change but for the mo big thumbs up!!

Carbs are still higher than my protein intake but its pretty much all from fruit/veg and my small bowl of porridge in the morn so reck thats ok xx

Off to check in on u all now. Talk to u soon

xx

Feeling positive

well do ya know...and i am probably completely going to jinx myself when I actually type this....but I am actually feeling quite in control today!

Am glugging down the old water like I'll never drink again, have been out for lunch and chosen wisely food wise and had a diet coke rather than a glass of wine. I did slip up and have a tiny slice of cake at work and two choc roses but I can live with that and it'll be within my sins so thats cool.

Have got a friend coming round tonight and we're gonna order take out but have already chosen what I'm gonna eat and made all gd choices.

Done the weeks food shop according to the new meal plan...spent a fortune but all on good stuff instead of usual rubbish so thats cool.

As I'm having a take out tonight and am out all day tomorrow am gonna have a cook session withmy daughter now and make up the spag bol sauce ready for tea tomorrow then there's no excuses not too stick to it!!

Wish me luck, I hate cooking and am such a control freak!! It's so mean cos they love cooking with my mum but as its something I absolutely  hate doing I really don't enjoy spending twice as long doing it and making twice the mess too lol...Will just have to grit my teeth and enjoy the old bonding side of it and count to ten when tomato sauce goes all up the wall lol

talk to you all soon

xx

Big changes ahead!

Hello everyone...sorry I've not blogged for a bit...have had a very hectic week but I have now faced alot of things in my past and am beginning the journey of learning how to deal with them

Diet wise I've not been great but I've also not been too awful.....may see a gain this week but do you know what, compared to everything else that is going on it really is irrelevant.

what are my aims this week?....To deal with all the fall out without getting down and turning to my old mate food! Include my kids absolutely in my new food plan this week. Get them involved in preparing meals and what I eat, they eat end of! Planning a weekly meal schedule with their input too.

A friend of mine has done this with her family and its inspirational!! They are all feeling so much better for it and they have all lost weight

Well off to go check up on everyone now

Take care and speak soon

xx