Good week xx

Hello everyone...How are we all?

Am feeling very positive this week but a little nervous that my enthusiasm is going to dwindle. Have been swimming twice this week and am taking the kids again this afternoon. Won't be swimming lenghts today as its one with death slides etc but you have to hike up loads of stairs each time to go on them so will get my exercise that way!!

Want to make swimming a regular thing if I can. Am determined to get into a routine again with exercise!

Food's been gd this week. Not weighed myself but work trousers are definitely looser this morn

Hope everyone else is having a great week? And you all have a grt wknd...God I sound a bit sickly sweet don't I LOl!!

xx

OOh just before I go...TBL is ona gain over here!!! God I'm reduiculously excited but I just love that bloody programme!!! I'm sure most of you have already seen it. It's the couples one with the 2 football players, the mum and son etc. Love It !!!

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Oh Man I love you guys so much!!! Lol! I love catching up with everyones blogs and seeing how your all doing!

Momaonamission you are so on my wave length! Lol

Well big pat on the back to me today from myself!! Lovely lady from work stopped off at the bakery and brought us all a big yummy fresh creamy cake and I said thank you but no!!!! Yeah!!

Did have one large glass of wine last night though at my parents house but no pudding!! Have completely messed up this week already cos had a gain and was down about it so had a binge Can't be perfect all the time though can we- not that I ever am lol

Am just gonna keep plodding along and try to keep remembering that this is a long term thing and life'd be pretty boring without the odd treat hey

xx

As an after thought

Ok ok after all my 'I'll do good' blah this morn I've been to the cinema and eaten a shed load of sweets and popcorn....Ugh!! What a dick!!!!

I'm sure I have multi personality disorder or summin lol....I can think good good good day and then Bam!!! It all goes to sh*t!!! AND (and this is the funny bit!) I am ALWAYS surprised when I do binge out!!!! Ugh!!!

On a positive side I have been thinkin about how my tastes have changed...The sweet tooth still hasn't gone and to be honest I doubt it ever will but the desire for fatty greasy foods has def gone!! And I guess thats kinda a bonus right?!!

Oh I don't know, I'm prob just maiking excuses for myself

Take care guys xx

Sweaty Betty!! xx

Ugh it was horrid...I'm carrying so much weight on me now that when I walk in the muggy heat it just drips off me! Walked from my friends to the restaurant which is about a 15 min walk in my heels at quite a brisk pace and when we got to the restaurant I was just sweatin like a b*t*h!! Was so embarassin!!! Everyone else was sweatin too cos it was a muggy night but not to my extremes...

And this was following a nightmare wardrobe session before I'd even gone out!!

This is it now ladies....drastic action time!! I felt so horrid and uncomfortable all night long about how I looked and its just rediculous....I'm the one in control of what goes in my mouth and I need to take that control back!!

That wasn't all that made me feel shit/low though and I'm really mad about it!! Wasn't gonna share at first but its kinda eating me up so just gonna blurt it out then move on ok........I'm sorry but I can only be really honest about this to a computer-how daft is that!!

I can't move on guys!...Not properly. Not in my head and its driving me crazy!! I cannot think about being intimate with someone without being repulsed by it....Honestly the thought make my skin crawl!!!!

I'm worried actually cos I don't wanna be on my own forever...I really don't but I can't seem to move past what that bastard did at the minute and I know I absolutely should!! Maybe if he does get arrested it'll help but at the minute its just popping up in my head during my day all the time and its driving me nuts!!!

I don't wanna be his bloody victim!!! I don't want it to affect me anymore but not sure how I make it stop!!

Last night fely like a meat market and not that I'm saying people were looking at me cos they weren't but I just felt so yuck!!!!

Do ya know one chat up line I had...."You look like a vulture ready to pounce on my body...go ahead"....Ugh!!! Vile!!!.....My friend stuck her finger up at him and he said "I smell fish"....I mean please!! Good God!!!! Vomit or what!!!!! And the prob is in that enviroment your made to feel like a frigid miserable cow for not being all oh baby yeah!! I really just hate it!!  Walked out when I was stood next to my friend who was just making polite chit chat with another squaddie dick and he interupted her mid sentence to say ' I really like you...take me home and rape me!'....Didn't even care that I got 'Whats up with you you miserable bitch' shouted after me! I just wanted out of there!!

Txt other mates about it and we ended up digesting and laughing about it into the night so all ended well with a nice cuppa in front of the box before tucking myself in to bed-never so glad to be on my own lol!

Have decided now...No more alcohol in the week! Not just because of the calorie content. I think its startin to affect how my anti depressants are working. They say you shouldn't drink too much with it. But weight wise the rest of what I eat is ok so must be down to that. Am gonna have 3 syn free days in the week as well to compensate for any lapses at the wknd....I like the bloody food so what is wrong with me!!!!! Agh!!!

Well rant over ladies....Thankyou I feel so much better now I've got all that off my chest but sorry for being boring/miserable

Take care

xx

Up a bit! xx

Hi how is everyone....Everyones being really quiet lately

Had a slight gain this week. Put on 1 1/2 lbs but I had 2 partys and after such a big loss last week I'm not surprised really.

Am back on the dateing site again......Not bored yet, or met any wierdos so going ok. Mind you it has only been 5 days. I usually make a week at a time and then think stuff it lol!

There is one guy on there who had the most beautiful eyes!!! I just melt lookin at his pic!

Off to go and check on you all now. Talk soon

xx

Testing day

Hey there. Am trying to power through a family party today.

Have done so well so far. NOt completely stuck to plan but have eaten the best i possibly could have done with what was presented too me.

I took the batter off the quorn piece that was cooked for me. Discarded the pasta from the lasagne and the sauce from the lemon chicken. Skipped dessert and had two very small squares of flap jack. Both bits together would be just over the size of a small match box.

Prob is now I'm feeling tired and low and hungry and they're all back munching and drinking again!!! Ugh!

I HATE family get togethers with a passion. I am the toital black sheep and over recent years I have made that more and more prominent in my head. I guess its with everything thats happened and me trying to explore who I am I'm realising that I am more and more different.

Def not a happy day today . I'm really really pineing after that guy I was seeing lately. I just miss him so so much.

Yes!!!!!! xx

Hey guys...hope your all well xx

I am so chuffed with myself!! I bloody did it!! I lost weight!!!

Was first weigh in at slimming world this week and I lost 7 lbs!! I got a nice shiny sticker to stick on my book and a big pat on the back from myself! Isn't it funny how the little stickers feel like such a massive reward lol!! Or am I just being childish! Oh who cares

Quite a bit is gonna be changing in my life actually. I've had my hours increased at work which I wanted because I need the money so  but it means that I'll have to stop the gym . I know it sounds like a cop out but I struggle enough at the moment keeping the house/kids/life ticking over there's just no way I can add on another 10 hours a week working without letting something give and the only thing I have the power to stop is the gym.

Am gonna try and start doing stuff like walking to school then work instead and maybe try doing some exercises at home when the kids are in bed but we'll just have to see how that goes.

Anyways must dash have washing to put away and chores to do! Will check up on you all tomorrow xx

TFIF!!! xxx

Thank god its Friday!!! I am so tired lol!! I feel like an old woman!!

Me and the kids are just so gonna chill tonight and have a lie in in the morning. J's football training was originally cancelled but is now back on again but I think we're skip that in favour of some much needed lazing in bed!!

I've had to wake the kids up every morning this week for school. They've both had exams all week and are exhausted!!

Have been inspired by a members blog to try and add in a bit of swimming too. Reck I'm gonna check out times and prices and see if I can fit it in. Might start going on a sat with the kids or summin. Am def gonna take out a membership at our open air pool this year. I think it'll be lovely in the summer to pop down there after school for an hour. the kids come out so hot having been stuck in stuffy classrooms all day!!

Diet is going ok. Am just plodding along really. Don't feel like I've lost or gained really. My moto at the mo is put the choc down and you can have the malibu later lol

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I did it!! xx

I did it ladies....I bit the bullet and joined slimming world!

Leader was just as much of a sly cow as ever but hey ho.....Kinda hoping that I might be spurred on to never give her the oppourtunity to put me down in front of the group by always losing!

Sorted out our bikes today. Theres nothing much wrong with them except that I've assembled them lol! Cos I have lady hands I can't do up the bolts tight enough so it results in the gears/brakes messing up after a while. Went to go and book them into our local bike shop for a m.o.t but they were gonna charge me £35 per bike!!! No way can I afford that!! The bikes were only worth double that themselves so not gonna pay that  sort of money!! Have just tightened them up and am gonna have to hope for the best I guess.

The idea is that every tues morn and afternoon we will bike to school and back-weather permitting obviously!! I will never be someone who bikes in the rain when I have a car sat on the drive lol!!

On a weds and a thurs morn I will walk with my bike while the kids are on their scooters and then bike home from the gym.

Its complicated but basically thats the only way we can do it cos I work at other school drop off/collection times so it'd mean carting their bikes around In other peoples cars etc....nothings ever easy is it hey lol

All in all I guess its been a gd day...and I guess I'm actually loookin forward to starin the diet tomorrow cos am hoping this'll be the change so I can start feeling better about myself/things

Do ya know there was a woman at my group who has lost 6 1/2 stone since October!!!! OMG!! ....Think she thought I was jokin when I said I was movin in with her next week and having her cook all my meals for me lol xx

Well off to go check on the slimming world web site then off to bed so I've got the energy to follow my bike-a-thon idea through lol xx

Any UK ladies that are following slimmin world but not going to the meetings and wanna check out their site the password this week is skipping but ssh!!...I didn't tell ya lol

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My bad! xx

Well I've failed already lol!!

Realisticly today is a stupid day to start my diet as I'm off to a cheese and wine party tonight so was set up to fail already....

Not been awful. Had porridge this morn using my a and b choices, then had big bowl of frosties for lunch ......Then I felt shit about eating that so had a cornetto ice cream!!    Gotta laugh at ya self haven't ya! I might add that they are the new cornetto minis that are like 3 syns so not a complete wash out!

I am gonna enjoy tonight and take it easy tomorrow then join slimming world on mon. Cannot even begin to afford it but gotta do summin! And girls please please please if I don't join this time climb down the phone line and whoop my ars into gear!

xxx