Sweaty Betty!! xx
Ugh it was horrid...I'm carrying so much weight on me now that when I walk in the muggy heat it just drips off me! Walked from my friends to the restaurant which is about a 15 min walk in my heels at quite a brisk pace and when we got to the restaurant I was just sweatin like a b*t*h!! Was so embarassin!!! Everyone else was sweatin too cos it was a muggy night but not to my extremes...
And this was following a nightmare wardrobe session before I'd even gone out!!
This is it now ladies....drastic action time!! I felt so horrid and uncomfortable all night long about how I looked and its just rediculous....I'm the one in control of what goes in my mouth and I need to take that control back!!
That wasn't all that made me feel shit/low though and I'm really mad about it!! Wasn't gonna share at first but its kinda eating me up so just gonna blurt it out then move on ok........I'm sorry but I can only be really honest about this to a computer-how daft is that!!
I can't move on guys!...Not properly. Not in my head and its driving me crazy!! I cannot think about being intimate with someone without being repulsed by it....Honestly the thought make my skin crawl!!!!
I'm worried actually cos I don't wanna be on my own forever...I really don't but I can't seem to move past what that bastard did at the minute and I know I absolutely should!! Maybe if he does get arrested it'll help but at the minute its just popping up in my head during my day all the time and its driving me nuts!!!
I don't wanna be his bloody victim!!! I don't want it to affect me anymore but not sure how I make it stop!!
Last night fely like a meat market and not that I'm saying people were looking at me cos they weren't but I just felt so yuck!!!!
Do ya know one chat up line I had...."You look like a vulture ready to pounce on my body...go ahead"....Ugh!!! Vile!!!.....My friend stuck her finger up at him and he said "I smell fish"....I mean please!! Good God!!!! Vomit or what!!!!! And the prob is in that enviroment your made to feel like a frigid miserable cow for not being all oh baby yeah!! I really just hate it!! Walked out when I was stood next to my friend who was just making polite chit chat with another squaddie dick and he interupted her mid sentence to say ' I really like you...take me home and rape me!'....Didn't even care that I got 'Whats up with you you miserable bitch' shouted after me! I just wanted out of there!!
Txt other mates about it and we ended up digesting and laughing about it into the night so all ended well with a nice cuppa in front of the box before tucking myself in to bed-never so glad to be on my own lol!
Have decided now...No more alcohol in the week! Not just because of the calorie content. I think its startin to affect how my anti depressants are working. They say you shouldn't drink too much with it. But weight wise the rest of what I eat is ok so must be down to that. Am gonna have 3 syn free days in the week as well to compensate for any lapses at the wknd....I like the bloody food so what is wrong with me!!!!! Agh!!!
Well rant over ladies....Thankyou I feel so much better now I've got all that off my chest but sorry for being boring/miserable
Take care
xx