Going with
Hi there...Right have decided to give the low carb thing a go....Not rediculously low like atkins or owt but just try and make sure I'm eating more protein than I am carbs
Going ok so far so we'll have to see...Would be nice to have a positive result on the scale next week cos I know it'll be a gain this week.....Feel like a bloody walrus! Lol!!
Well ladies, you are never going to believe this because I know its so unusal (please note if you could hear me you'd be detecting an awful lot of sarcasm right now! lol) but I met a man at the wend and and guess what? I'm now pretty sure He's a dick lol!! well I've actually known him for about a year but he's been in kosovo (squaddie! ...i know i know..... ) so I haven't seen him. Anyways, seen him out on sat nite which is about the third time I've seen him in the last month.....So he's yadda yaddering about how much he's been missing me, blah blah...and I'm like enjoying the complement but have my sensible 'yeah right mr lookin-for-a-fuck-Courtney'. Honestly some of it, had it been true, was just so sweet....propa chick flick shit!
So I'm still playin it cool and enjoyin my nite with my girlfriends when the A**hole who attacked me last year appears at the bar.....He's supposed to still be in Germany but is back over here because he's being investigated by the army for doing the same thing to a girl over there. Ugh!!, can't tell you how bad I feel about not reporting what happened to me because I will cry but I know my reasons why I didn't and have to stick by them....Basically it happened in my home and I figured there was a chance no-one would believe me and he'd then only have a reason to come back and do it again and obviously with kids in the house I can't take that risk plus he was going abroad for 3 years so just got myself through the time till he went, with massive help from my friends obviously.
So he's back!! I freak out completely and this guy is just there for me. He literally spent his whole night (along with my friend) liasing with the security staff to get rid of this guy and then stayed with me all nite incase he chanded clothes and came back....Oh it was such a relief having him there!! I know men are idiots and its my friends I'd turn to not a man, but god doesn't it make a difference having a strong man hold ya when ya shakin......
So he sticks around all the following day, just lounging in front of most haunted eating cheesy chips with me and my mate and I feel so safe with him...Its really pathetic I know but its a lonely world for us singletons always having to fight for ourselves.
Then when my mates gone, we kiss.... one thing leads to another and I guess because I felt like he was my knight in shining armour I let him take me to bed....EW!! So rough (which I was extremely pissed off about considering), so yuck....but he was lovely again afterwards. Stays for anothe rhour or so then goes cos my kiddies r coming back....lovely lovely at the door, says he'll txt me today, he's gonna miss me rah rah....and today nothing!!!! Zip!!
I'm only pissed off cos he knows how I feel about one time things but I felt he was someone I could trust and did just get swept up in the lookin after me thing....Seriously, I am awful with men!!! lol!! I will subconsciously knock the nice guy in the room over to get to the pricks behind him!!
So honestly (not quite sure why I'm sharing this with you all cos its naff all to do with weight-...well a little about exercise I guess lol) I totally think I'm gonna knock this whole sex lark on the head......I just don't enjoy it anymore at all....It just makes me feel dirty and cheap and nasty and I just can't be ar*sed with dredging up old feelings.....All I want is someone to look after me...fight my corner and protect me.....Not thrust away on top of me, spunk on my stomach and sweat up my bed sheets and the like...ugh...would much rather have some quality time with my rabbit followed by a good book lol
So, if anybody out there knows of a big strapping soft hearted lad who wants free room and board you just send him my way ok.......
One amusing part of yesterday was when Chris was in my kitchen and saw my fatty photo of me on the cupboard (the one in my gallery) and asked why I'd got a pic of me of when I was pregnant on my kitchen cupboard lol......was funny saying oh know I was just fat and havin that on my cupboard stops me grabbing the snacks inside lol.....Maybe thats why he's not called lol....xx
Anyways, thanks for letting me rant....its made me feel better even if it has bored u stupid...Won't be offended if u decide to skip my 'story-telling' blogs in future lol!
Off to go and cook a high protein-low carb tea.......Can you believe alcohol has carbs in....Clearly I am not throwing that away!! lol.....pasta's one thing but drinks another lol
Talk soon
xx