So much has happened since I last wrote on here. Went to see doctor who advised to try low GI foods and look at measurements not weight so tried really hard to eat low GI foods and went to personal trainer twice per week for almost a month, did 40 mins exercise per day on my own also during this time, had 2L water per day also... and didn't lose any weight. Lost 1.5cm around my waist but that's it. This really got me down and so I ate a lot of crap over the past week. Looked at some photos of me when I was 15kg lighter over this weekend and am inspired to lose weight again... will be focusing more on cutting calories than looking at GI. Will cut back to 800-1200 calories or less per day, will continue to go to personal trainer, exercise and drink water and I will surely lose weight. Aiming to lose 15 kilos over next 12 weeks. Then another 6 over next 12 weeks - total of 21 kilos by end of year. I think I really just need a bit of kick start to weight loss to be inspired to keep going. Went to see counsellor too as I got really down for a while but that didn't help really so will continue to plod on with trainer, doctor and cutting back calories and increasing exercise. Wish me luck!... Need to just keep focused and will be ok.
As of Monday I began calorie counting again.... Have now had four days in a row with less than 800 cals each day, 2 litres water and 20-40 mins exercise daily. Feeling pretty fantastic that I've done this all week without really seriously wanting to give it up.
Disappointed that I put on the extra weight since I started this though, as now I've lost 2.5kg since Monday, but I still weigh 2.4kg more than I did when I started this log. But it's all good. I have to lose it one day, so once I start losing consistently I should soon put the triple digit weight behind me forever.
My plan is to stick to less than 800 calories daily for 12 weeks and have one night per week where I can go out for tea and have whatever I want. I'm sure I will be able to lose 20kg in this time. This means I will weigh 90.9kg for my 25th birthday. At this point I will use the Weight Watchers points system to lose the rest gradually - no rush, just want it gone forever and to learn to eat only what I need to stop putting on weight.
Will be tough but so worth it. I'm so over hating what I wear and feeling unhealthy and unfit. Noticed that my back and knees have been sore over the past few weeks as I put on so much weight - not a good feeling. Also it was hard to get up off the couch. I want that to stop. I really want this to work forever!
If every day was this hard, I don't know how I would go. This has been a really hard day to get through for so many reasons. But... I did it! I'm so tired and feeling absolutely trashed. Looking forward to sleep. Before I can get there though I will need to do 20 minutes of exercise on the exercise bike. Have had 762 calories today and 2 litres water. Feeling so crap, must be detoxing. Don't remember feeling like this last time I went on Optifast... I just need to keep focused on the prize... ME looking and feeling great!...
I feel as though I have tried so many times to lose weight and not succeeded. Last year I went on to Optifast and lost 16kg in 12 weeks. I have now put back on 15kg of this and feeling really bad about myself again.
I'm really not sure what to do if this attempt doesn't work out.
I'm not feeling all that optimistic either as: - I feel like I'm getting sick - I can't go for walks as I have a shocking contact dermatitis on my feet which will rub on any shoes I wear - seems to be getting a little better but not sure? - I don't feel overly motivated as I am so stressed out at work - I think I may have depression as I feel so low lately that I just want to curl up and cry forever... sometimes I even want to die - Life sucks. I honestly don't know why I bother to live.. and why I keep trying again and again with these half hearted efforts at losing weight.
But enough of the negatives. I really need to concentrate on the positives. I want to lose all my excess weight because: - If I don't I will continue to feel the way I currently do and if I continue to feel this crap I don't know if I can go on - I'm sick of being overweight. I feel so heavy, unhealthy, unfit and tired. - I want to wear nice clothes that I feel great in - I'm sick of feeling as though I'm not as good as others - I'm too young to be so overweight. - I feel sorry for my husband who is so patient with me and still continues to love me even though I weigh 40kg more than any of his friends girlfriends/wives. - It's gone on for way too long and I just want to get my life in order and that includes my weight, feeling good and living life to the way it's supposed to be lived.
Anyway, I plan to start my new way of life on 3rd April (Monday coming). There will be hurdles (esp at the start) but I am determined to cope and keep going as I don't want to go through another summer in hibernation and hiding from everyone. A few parties/outings coming in the next few weeks that I am embarrassed to go to the way I currently look. I honestly can't fit in to hardly any of my clothes. It's a horrible place to be! I hate being part of my life.
How am I going to lose all this weight (40kg)? Well I will do it the only way I know how... Optifast program again for 12 weeks with one night a week eating whatever I want. (Same as last time). Also by doing at least 20 mins of exercise per day. I hope that I can lose 20kg during this 12 week period as I was able to lose 16kg during this timeframe last time fairly easily. After this initial 12 week period I hope to only have 20 kg to go. I plan on losing this by counting calories and continuing to exercise at least 20-30 minutes per day.
I think I should also go and see a doctor if this feeling of utter despair keeps going as I am really getting worried about my emotional wellbeing. I know I am not well, and I should get better.
I will weigh in every Saturday morning. This week will be a 5 day week and I hope to lose at least 2.5kg. Will let you know how I go.
