So Low...

I had the flu two weeks ago.  That is, Brock and I had the flu together.  We were lucky to leave the bed for more than an hour a day (not including bathroom trips.) 

I think I lost almost 5 pounds being sick for six days.  Now, while I wasn't "hungry" during that time, it still is an /awful/ way to lose weight. 

I'm not complaining, though!  Because I've kept it off since then.  I'm not really driving down to a weight anymore.  I like the way I feel right now, and I like the way my clothes fit.  So I need to get in the gym and start getting fit again. 

I need to start dancing again.  I need that, I think, to stay sane and stable. 

What is the new goal?

I guess now that I've lost most of the weight that I'd wanted to, I find myself without a new goal. 

I work Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and I love my job.  But I do literally nothing the rest of the week.  Sure, I work Wednesday and Thursdays at Abercrombie, but that doesn't really count.  I find myself wanting to get another ultrasound job during the week, not only to have something to do during the hours while Brock is at work, but also to have some more money.  We're not really superbly tight on money, but there are things we want to do that we just can't afford:  New bed, new bedroom set, new window treatements, etc.

We're going to go back to the gym as soon as I'm not on these midnight shifts anymore.  I can't honestly believe how much I sleep when my body isn't sure when it's SUPPOSED to sleep.


My eating habits are sketchy at best.  Some days I can barely remember a real meal.  Some days, I can't believe I have eaten so much.  Most days find some sort of junk in there, and that makes me sad.  When I break the addiction to sweets and junkfood, I don't miss them.  Once I get stuck on them, I can't make myself forget about it.


I honestly can't wait until summer.  I can't wait until it's so hot outside that it makes me want to cry.  I can't wait until it's warm in the mornings so we can take Flint running.  I can't wait until we can go out on the boat, and I can wear bathing suits again. 

I feel a little down all the time, and I'm still not sure why.  Maybe I'm just sick of winter?  Maybe.

><

I'm O-kay!

Thanks for checking up on me, Kache.  You really are an amazing person.


I'm still hovering around 120 pounds, and I'm doing my darndest to stay right there.  I'm not fit like I was in Arkansas because I haven't joined a ballet studio here - Brock and I have discussed what being in Ballet does to my body image and desire to lose weight.  That doesn't mean that I wont join ballet again, I just need to be sure I can control myself if I do.


I also was working out very regularly, every day of the week (minus weekends) with Brock before work in the morning.  Things were going really well, and I felt like I was finally starting to get back into the rythm of things.   Then one of my co-workers quit, and I had to be put on the midnight shift until they hired a replacement for her.  So I've been working the 7pm to 7am overnight weekend shift, and it has played hell with my sleep schedule.  Case in point:  It is 2:32am and I'm wide awake.   I have been unable to get up at 5am to go work out. :(

But I only have two weekends to go with my schedule like this, and then I'm back on days.  I will get back in the gym (with Brock!) and we will be in great shape for summer.  :D 



In the rest of my world, things are going well.  The day after Valentine's is mine and Brock's 7 month anniversary, which is pretty amazing.  We still find it hard to believe how happy we are together.  We have random people tell us that we look like a "forever" couple.  And my best friend in the world is flying down from Canada to visit me next month.  Over all, life is great. :D


I hope reading this made ya smile, Kache. :D   I have a lap top now, so maybe I can figure out the way to keep my blog updated.  Here's to hopin'!

Strange.

When someone puts it to ya, and all you can answer is "I don't know."

Makes you sort of second guess all of your own motives.  Perhaps it is time to take another look.

Kashe, I'll give you a personal response, I promise.  I will be at work until Sunday night, but I'll write back Monday morning.

A constant battle.

Losing weight, when I get in the grove, comes easily for me.  Since I went to Canada in August, I've lost almost 20 pounds.  I put myself in this place where food is not a desire, and I have to force myself to want to eat.  What I want is to be skinny, and I want that more.

But it puts me at odds with Brock, who is severly concerned that I want to lose too much weight.  He saw me at 140 and thought I looked beautiful.  He sees me now on what he considers "too thin" and therin lies my problem.

It is not a constant battle for me to lose weight.  I know I can.  And I know I can be 110 again if I want to be.  The battle lies within me not wanting to make Brock upset.  I don't want him to think that I have a problem.  And most of all, I don't want him to think that I'm not beautiful.  And at the very same moment, I always desire to be less. 

He wants me to go see a counselor.  I am grateful and thankful for his caring, and how much he wants me to be fine.  I feel like I'm fine. 

I guess we wait and see?  I guess.

I haven't been around...

Starting a new life is sort of difficult.  It's also kind of tough to keep up old habits. 

This blog, for one thing.  Going to the gym, for another.  And yet, somehow, I've managed to gain 10 and lose 18 pounds in that same time period. 

It has to change, though.  I have to get back into a ballet class, and I have to get back into the gym.  I really have no reason not to, now that things are starting to settle out. 

Updates:

I have an ultrasound job at a hospital working Friday nights, Satruday and Sunday days.  This means I have 4 and a half days off per week to participate in any sort of fitness activity I like.  I could also go to the gym in the morning before work if I can find one close enough to the hospital. 

Brock and I are doing excellent.  :D   We're getting a puppy today, and I'm so excited I can hardly sit still.  We're going to his parents house for thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, and barring any bad choices, I will still be moving towards my goal. 

On the other hand, my goal is a bit of an issue.   I'm trying to work towards 115lbs, and Brock doesn't want me to go below 120.  :/

Christmas is soon!  I miss my family, and I'm going to be sad not to go home and get to see them!

Anyways, I've put together a slideshow of pictures of me at different weights, cronologically.  If it works, they'll show up in this blog.  If not, I'll link to it externally. 

And if it DOES work, I'm going to add another slideshow of pictures that I've taken since Brock and I started seeing eachother!

Ciao!

My Weight Pictures (Click me!)

Don't hate me!

Yes, I'm a horrible person!  Yes, I became that person who has left everyone hanging, without any idea of why!  Yes, I'm REALLY sorry!

:(

But, that doesn't mean things aren't going well. :D 

Brock and I went to Canada for a week together.  We had an excellent time.  Now I'm in North Carolina with him, looking for jobs.   There are plenty of them here, I just need to get one of them!  (Ultrasound jobs, specifically.)

Other than that, I haven't lost any weight.  Mostly, I've put on a few pounds and lost them again, so I'm still hovering right around 130.  Which frequently makes me want to cry, but now that things are starting to get levelled off, we're being really good together.  Eating salads, going to the gym, going for walks. 

Yeah, we're pretty much crazy in love.  :D  I'll try to get a few pictures...but the easiest way to check them out is to go to my picasa web album.

http://picasaweb.google.com/seemandy

And there you go!  I'm still really sorry :D

WAY UP!

And I'm not talking about my weight, although that's probably gone up quite a bit too.

No, I'm talking about how high I am up on cloud nine.  I can't tell you how much fun I'm having, or how amazing this guy is.  I can't wait to post pictures!

We've done something fun or amazing or sweet or cool every single day since I got here.  Friday morning we got up at sunrise and went for a walk together.  Saturday we went out and bought groceries and made a big breakfast, then went to his parents house where he took me out on the boat, and then jet-skiing.  Then we had this fan-TAS-tic steak dinner with his mom and dad (who are probably the coolest people I've ever met.) 

Saturday night we went to a birthday party where I got to meet his two best friends in the world (who are also really awesome guys) and he didn't drink because I wasn't comfortable drinking with no one there to drive us.  (Swoon!)  We spent Saturday night at his parents house, and then Sunday we went out on the lake all afternoon.  They tried to teach me how to wake-board.   After 4 tries, and one successfull "up" I was so sore I had to quit. 

So...it was Brock's turn.  And... Holy shit, ladies.  You want to see sexy?  Brock has been a competitive wake-boarder for a few years... Mmm.  I can't even find the words.  I have pictures though!  And I will share them!

So wow.  Lastnight we came home and made some fruity-drinks, and put on a movie.  It was fantastical.  I pretty much love this guy like crazy!

There's the update for today!  I still have a week and a half left. :D

Sweet and Down

I'm on a roll, baby!

But, I'm packing up my computer now.  I will have access to the internet for the next two weeks, but then not again for a while.  And I PROMISE I'll post updates.  Not only weight updates, but Brock updates as well. 

(Things are SUPER FANTASTIC!  I see him in 23 hours!)

Have a wonderful day!  Mine will be filled with packing, cleaning, and anticipating. :D

Down again! Fantastic!

I can already see a difference.  I know that I've always said the first 5 lbs dont count, but I'm letting them.  They count towards my self esteem and motivation!

My super-awesome "Rolls Royce of Jump-Ropes" came yesterday.  And yes.  Yes it is.  I'm excited to get to use it, but it just went straight into a suitcase.

The new guy said he knows of someone that might be willing to be a work out partner for me.  He said the right workout partner makes a world of difference.  >.O

Huzzah for happy days!