A constant battle.

Losing weight, when I get in the grove, comes easily for me.  Since I went to Canada in August, I've lost almost 20 pounds.  I put myself in this place where food is not a desire, and I have to force myself to want to eat.  What I want is to be skinny, and I want that more.

But it puts me at odds with Brock, who is severly concerned that I want to lose too much weight.  He saw me at 140 and thought I looked beautiful.  He sees me now on what he considers "too thin" and therin lies my problem.

It is not a constant battle for me to lose weight.  I know I can.  And I know I can be 110 again if I want to be.  The battle lies within me not wanting to make Brock upset.  I don't want him to think that I have a problem.  And most of all, I don't want him to think that I'm not beautiful.  And at the very same moment, I always desire to be less. 

He wants me to go see a counselor.  I am grateful and thankful for his caring, and how much he wants me to be fine.  I feel like I'm fine. 

I guess we wait and see?  I guess.

beauty

I think you're beautiful. Personally, I do not think you need to weigh less than you are and that might seriously put you in an unhealthy place to weigh less than you do.  Why do you think you need to keep losing?  I'm just curious.  I've been thin in the past with a bad compulsion to be thinner and thinner, but there were so many things behind the obsession.  Do you think you'd be able to focus on being healthy and following a nutritional diet versus trying to be thinner?  Brock cares about you, and he loves you, and he is concerned.  You have to know why you want to weigh less than what is considered healthy.  If you can't answer that, you might want to go ahead and see the counselor.  It can't hurt to go.  If it sucked, you wouldn't have to go back.  Think of it this way.  Brock is someone whose opinion you value, and he thinks there is reason to be concerned.  That alone is enough to worry me. 

You've seen a lot of changes in your life over the last year, and maybe you're controling your weight as a way to cope with the changes.  It doesn't mean the changes are bad, it just might mean you've had more than your brain can catch up with!