My hubby is out of town, so I only see him on the weekends. SO, Saturday as we were talking I told him, “Baby, I lost eight pounds!” To which he said, “Turn around you’ll find it!” and smiled, like he had said absolutely nothing wrong. I could do nothing but stare at him; the flames of furry ignited deep inside me. The smile faded from his face and said, “Don’t look at me like that!” This told me he could plainly see the fire and smoke billowing out of my ears! I was upset! Why put forth the effort if the accomplishment is only going to be met with criticism from the man I married? Angry I said, “Fine, I’m just going to eat cake!” He knows that sugar does an awful number on my stomach, so he says, “It’s just going to make you sick.” Time passed by and he tried to put out the fire… he said, “Baby, I’m just saying, if you were working out then instead of loosing 8 pounds you would have lost 18!” All I can think is, “Just Shut-up!”… So that’s what I said.
I get back home and begin to do things around the house all the while thinking, “I want cake!” knowing full well I don’t need it, it’s not on my diet, and most importantly it’s going to make me sick! But my emotions have been on a roller coaster ride for the last week… no, more like the last month and a half. There are days when knowing that Jason is gone, & I believe in heaven, is ok with me, I’m happy for him! But there are days when I just can’t believe he’s gone. To steal a line from Gray’s Anatomy, “I don’t want to live in a world where he doesn’t exist!!!”
So, what do I do…? I ride my emotional roller coaster all the way to Wal-mart and buy a mini carrot cake!! (which is about 3 ½” in diameter) I got home and proceeded to eat most of it! Of course it makes me sick, so I can’t finish it in one sitting. So, by this point in the day all I’ve had to eat is my typical breakfast, 2 hard boiled eggs and three-fourths of a carrot cake… so I’m sick! I fall asleep (because of the sugar) and then wake up at about 6 pm and have a grilled catfish fillet followed by the rest of the cake (about an hour latter).
Why did I do that? Monday morning I woke feeling like I had poison running veins. My whole body hurt. Today, my stomach is still not happy with me.
Why did I do it? Why give in to something that you know will only hurt you physically because you think it will make you feel better emotionally? & Why fight tooth and nail to not do something that you know is good for you both physically and emotionally? (I.e. working out) Why be stubborn to the point of hurting yourself?
Jason told me once (when my hubby and I were having issues back in October ‘05) that I want to get back at my hubby so badly that I’m willing to put my own health in danger to do it… he actually accused me of trying to give myself a heart attack just to get back at my hubby. Was he right? Is my mind THAT sick and twisted??? God I hope not!!
I have to learn that this body of mine isn’t really mine… it’s God’s temple. Would I go spray paint the church walls because I was upset? No! Would I do anything in the church to hurt the smallest element of it? No!Than why do I harm my body?
I really have got to get my emotions straighten out!! Because when that happens my body will fallow!
I'm back on track now... was as of Monday morning. I'm not going to beat myself up... I just need to do some real thinking!
…Sorry for going on and on, but thanks for listening!
Ok, I’ve been on the beach for ten days, as of today. And for the last few days the scale’s been parked at 200 (since Sunday). Well, this morning that baby moved!!! Praise God! Are you ready for this… 197.0 … happyhappyjoy joy!! I’m out of the 200’s!!! & I was so close to eating something that would have totally prevented that from happening!! Yea me, I didn’t eat it!
There’s only one minor problem, the fat percentage has not moved! I’m not real sure as to the accuracy of a home scale fat percentage monitor so I’m not going to let it get to me. If I loose another 8 pounds and it doesn’t move… then I be forced to do something the hubby’s been trying to get me to do since the first of the year (go to the gym L)
I’m thinking this might become my new lunch routine… grilled chicken salad at my desk hanging out with ExtraPounds.com J
PS: Sorry I keep changing the layout of my blog. But I’m kind of trying them all on to see which one looks best on me. ;-)
Well, actually it’s been a week and two days, but who’s counting? Wait me… I want my fruit back! J
So, I’ve lost five pounds so far. 200.0 Still in the 200’s but only by a couple ounces now.
You know, if I wasn’t doing this in honor of Jason’s memory, I would have “cheated” by now! I was coming home from Choir practice last night… do you know how hard it was to pass by the Chic-fil-a without stopping for my usual after choir No. 5, 8 pack, value sized with an unsweetened Tea. But I was a good (going to be) little girl and went home to have my baked salmon with asparagus. Then I finished it off with the SB ricotta cheese dessert. Who knew that I would actually like that!
Well, that's all I have time to write for right now. It's lunch time... salad with grilled chicken & don't forget the sugar free Jello!! That's the one thing that I am really beginning to love about SB, I can have sugar free desserts!
I don't know what else to say!! I wanted to thank everyone for welcoming me to EP. I really appreciate it and all of you! Thank you so much for your encouragement! ~Aly O
My friend J D recommended this web site to me… and since he’s doing so GREAT and getting so much encouragement, I thought that I’d see if it will help me to GET BACK ON TRACK!
My story… in November of 2004 I weighted 236 pounds and was having all kinds of stomach and blood sugar issues. So, the doctor suggested a glucose tolerance test. The idea of what the test results would show scared me so much that I just decided to stop eating sugar! (Which was a BIG deal for me, because I’m kind of girl that wants a bowl of ice cream at the end of a touch day and a candy bar with any trip to a store that sells them!) So, I noticed that my stomach issues went away and so did my blood sugar issues. I had lost about 20 pounds just by cutting the sugar.
Then in December weighing 216 and feeling good about myself I went to the doctor and she told me that I had HIGH blood pressure!! I was scared senseless! So the next week I joined a gym and got a personal trainer, which I couldn’t really afford. But this was my life we were talking about!
Anyway, long story sort, by September of 2005 I was down to 186. Looked better and felt better than I had in years…. I was even wearing jeans that I wore in high school! Then in October 2005 there were some major ripples in my personal life and I stopped going to the gym and haven’t been back more than a handful of time since.
From then until now I’ve managed to work my way back up to 205.2!! I no longer fit in my high school jeans and haven’t for several months now. My husband has been trying to get me back in to the gym. He even started working out to get me to go… but since he’s 6’-1” and his highest weight ever is 193, that’s not a lot of motivation. I’ve been in a funk!
Then on February 12, 2007 mine and my husband’s best friend, Jason, passed away. & instantly my funk went to depression… and I allowed myself to eat things I had not eaten in 2 years!! NOT A GOOD THING!! In going through Jason's things I found a letter that he wrote me back in October of 2005. He said, “Get in to the gym! Eat right! Take Care of yourself! & Pull yourself out of the inevitable funk that you are going to fall in to!!" (Did he know me or what?)
After reading that letter to his mom she and I agreed that if he could tell either of us anything it would be that! So, in honor of Jason’s memory his mom and I agreed to start the South Beach Diet on Monday, March 12.
So far I’ve lost 4 pounds and am now at 201.0, I have a long way to go to even get down to were I was before. But I think with the support of the people on this web site, my husband, Jason’s mom, and Jason’s memory I can reach my goal!!
I no longer fit in my high school jeans and haven’t for several months now. My husband has been trying to get me back in to the gym. He even started working out to get me to go… but since he’s 6’-1” and his highest weight ever is 193, that’s not a lot of motivation. I’ve been in a funk!