It's been a good week 2. I have not deviated from the programme, nor wanted to.
I am still following the principles of Paul McKenna and stopping when I am full, eating slowly, and savouring the food I have been eating this week.
This has been instrumental in my current success, I think. I was so worried that once I began eating again after so long, I would possibly not be able to stop. Thankfully that has not been the case so far, and I do not believe it will be the case in the near future. I went to the LL meeting tonight and we discussed the different things which may lead us to eat when we are not hungry.
Boredom, procrastination (avoiding doing something we don't want to do), fed-up, tired (can't be bothered cooking something healthy), angry at partner but can't communicate our feelings, habit, don't want to feel left out (social situations). There are a lot of things that lead us to eating.
We talked about what strategies we could use to stop us from giving in to those feelings and situations. Distraction was a popular one, writing out 'thought records' was another. The act of writing down and analysing thoughts and behaviours and coming to a healthy conclusion is one of my favourites.
Driving home, I thought about the meeting and the constant vigilance that is needed to counteract 'crooked thoughts', those thoughts that lead us to eat when we are not hungry, and that have been the cause of our serious weight issues.
I have come to realise that these 'crooked thoughts' will never really leave me. They will always be in my head waiting to pounce when I am vulnerable. I guess that I will have to learn to live with them and take it one day at a time. I can never have a day off, never relax. I feel ok about it at the moment, it is good to know and be aware, I hope I never forget!
Last night I attended my first meeting and learned more about what will happen over the next 12 weeks of the programme.
I was excited about moving on. It has been an eventful four months doing LL, but I have been aware that Development is the easy part. Now the work really begins.
How does it begin?
Well, the first three days I can replace one pack with a piece of protein, be it fish, meat or vegetarian alternative. I chose salmon. Days 4 - 7 brings with it a selection of herbs and spices, skimmed milk, some condiments, sauces, green salad vegetables which can be added.
I am ecouraged to keep a journal (I am given a book to write in) in which I can write a 'food and mood' diary, daily affirmations, 'more active' diary, 'daily achievemens' diary.
I am still trying to absorb everything - there is so much to read and learn. I have decided that I will need to organise my menus for the week ahead or I may be at risk of making bad decisions.
There is a huge list of stuff which I can chose from. But what to chose?
I had a crisis of confidence earlier when I realised what I was taking on. Development has been the easy bit. I am both exhilerated and scared of the coming months. Will I be able to cope. Will I fail - again.
Do I really want to succeed? What has kept me fat over the past 30 odd years? I will have to do some serious self-analysis to find out. I have scratched the surface during Development, but feel some trepidition at having to come to terms with stuff that I have so far kept from myself and not faced.
Due to the bad weather on Thursday, I went for my weigh-in on Friday afternoon and found that I'd lost a further 5 lbs. This takes me to 11.12. I talked about moving to Management and my counsellor said that that would be fine.
So, next Tuesday I start on the Management programme. All I know is that I can have a piece of protein in place of a pack for a week, then I can add raw veg (salad). Protein can be chicken, tuna, salmon, other fish, or vegetarian alternatives. For me it's going to be SALMON, SALMON, SALMON!!!
I am so pleased but also apprehensive. Will I be able to put into practice all the lessons I have learned during my 4 months on Development? I feel that the answer is 'yes'. What is different now compared to all the other times I have lost weight is that I am aware of my thought processes now.
It is like tryng to put together a jigsaw with some of the pieces missing (as was the case in the past with dieting) and getting frustrated and giving up. Now I have all the pieces available and just have to put the time and effort in to putting them together. This is a lifelong journey of discovery, and I will have to be vigilent if I want to avoid slipping back into the bad habits of the past.
I hope that that analogy makes sense.
I intend to lose a bit more weight over the next few months, but now my focus is more on creating good, healthy eating habits for life, the rest (weight loss) will follow.
I'm now 12 stone 3 lbs. In a week I could be 12 stone or even less!
Four months ago I could not have envisioned this. In August, when I had decided to try Lighterlife, I had battered and abused my body and mind for 30 years by dieting and bingeing. I had become mentally and physically incapable of having a healthy relationship with food. I had lost the plot.
As I have previously mentioned (I think), I had first read about LL in their magazine which started Jan/Feb 2006. It took me seven months to decide to try it. I had no faith in myself achieving any success in that, or anything else for that matter.
Here I am today, feeling great, and for the first time in many years, hopeful that I now have a handle on my eating problems. Being separated from the eating culture allowed me to view it objectively. I did not like what I saw.
We eat too much. Portion sizes are too big. It is so unnecessary. I realised too that I always felt obliged to finish everything on my plate. My daughter always stops eating when she's had enough and one day recently I was on the point of telling her to finish everything on her plate, but I stopped myself. "What are you trying to do to her", I thought to myself. "She is RIGHT to stop when she's had enough. You never did that". That's when I realised I had been ignoring my body telling me it had had enough. When I threw the leftovers away later, I felt anxiety at the waste. "Get used to it." I told myself. "This is the future".
It's a while since I wrote. I had a major problem with computer but finally it's sorted out.
I had a good Christmas and New Year and didn't cheat once. It was difficult at times because I was sometimes under pressure to eat something. My mum kept saying "shouldn't you eat some fruit", my dad was saying "you're just being a martyr, not eating any food". It's a bit disappointing really that they don't approve of what I've done - they hardly said anything about how much slimmer I looked. It's interesting though that I still feel that I need their approval.
Doing the cognitive behaviour therapy has brought up alot of other issues for me too. It has been a revelation!
This is the first time I have hope for a slimmer, fitter future. I started dieting thirty years ago and at that time I wasn't even fat! Honestly, I saw some old photos that mum got down from the loft and I was shocked (the HAIRSTYLES - never, never, NEVER get a perm!). Was that really me? Why did I feel that I had to diet? Well, my friends were all size 6 - 8. It's no wonder that I, as a size 14 felt like an elephant.
What a sad waste of time. And I kept making the same mistakes again and again and got fatter and fatter, and more desparate until my relationship with food was completely screwed up.
Lighterlife has given me the breathing space to take stock, to analyse my behaviours, and to create a real, fresh, new start. I've been doing the development programme for four months now and will soon move on to the management programme - this will be crucial to long-term success because it deals with the reintroduction of food back into my daily life. This part of the programme takes about 12 weeks and CBT and TA continues during this time. Once I stop taking the packs and am 100% back on real food, there will be continued weekly support available. I have heard the some people 'miss out' the management programme because they have got rid of their excess weight and feel confident about staying slim. I have no illusions about myself though. I know that I must complete the management programme and take the support and advice offered.
My new beginning began on 28th August this year when I started a new diet programme called Lighterlife.
I had first read about this programme in January 2006 when I bought their magazine. I was astounded that anyone would consider doing such a radical programme but was intrigued too because the people featured had not only lost a considerable amound of weight, they'd kept it off for years.
I did alot of research on the internet, particularly reading peoples' Lighterlife blogs, before deciding to do it myself.
I have just completed my 100 days and lost 60 lbs. I feel fantastic! I am continuing the programme on a monthly basis until February next year by which time I will be slim and healthy.
The next stage of the programme is called Management where food is gradually reintroduced over 12 weeks.
I have decided to write a blog about my own experiences and hope it is useful information for anyone considering the programme.
Over the next few months I'll talk about different aspects of living day to day with LL, the ups and downs, tips and advice, other sites which have helped me, etc.
