OK, I got the door hangers done. Yeah!!! Worked more up at our shop. Pulled a couple of all nighters. Wow was that hard! Then the stomach flu has been raging through my house. With so many people it ends up going around some of us more than once. I do think that we have ALL gotten over it and hopefully it won't come back! It did help my weight loss! LOL It always helps when you are sick and don't feel like eating. Much less cleaning up after the little ones! Talk about doing ALOT of laundry! I'm surprised I haven't burned up the washer and dryer.

I have been doing pretty well not eating processed foods. I can tell the difference. I have had very few processed foods. Now when I go to the store I look around and it seems like that is all there is. We have been blinded by convenience, all this processed food can't be good for you. My grandma told me if it doesn't have a mother or come from the ground DON'T eat it! It really makes you think about what you are eating.

I haven't been walking, our routine got totally messed up with working. Maybe tonight the kids and I can start again. It helped to wear them out after dinner. They definitely were ready for bed and slept better.

I have a closet to go clean out. So many clothes I can't wear anymore, kind of sad. Up in the attic they will go!

It is so hard for me to believe that it is already the middle of April! Where does the tiem go, it feels like it is flying by. It seems like almost daily, I say "I'll do better tomorrow" then tomorrow has already turned into the next day and the next and the next.  I have been running around like crazy the last couple of weeks. A trip to my grandma's, field trips with one kid, my second oldest starting a new job, scheduling SAT testing, a holiday in there, the normal daily activities and Prom to boot! Just typing it makes me tired! You would think I would be really skinny with all of the running around I do. Wow, I wish that were the case! My daughters and I started walking outside for 30 minutes after dinner. We are enjoying it.

I struggled today emotionally. The weight, the unhappiness with my marriage and then my kids being totally wild, my mom not wanting to talk about my weight issue. I would like support from her, yet all I get is "You have had 7 kids, give yourself a break", "I think you just look muscular" what's that supposed to mean??????? That to me is the funniest one.

I do know that I don't want to give in to it and start thinking this is how I am always going to be because then I will give up and I don't want to give up on losing the weight. I HAVE to keep trying!!!

I haven't been on here in a long time. My weight has gone up to 184. I am more depressed now than ever. My 84 year old grandma has been sick for quite awhile and I have been running back and forth to help take care of her. Between taking care of her and taking care of my 7 kids I am exhausted. I am not happy in my marriage and I know that I am eating out of control. I know I need to get back to exerising, I am just so tired. I give and give and give and the more I give the more my family sucks the life out of me and wants more. Just sitting her tonight discussing the money issue wwith my husband I get told that I am rude, disrespectful and that I am disgusted by him. I get so tired of being told those things. I think he wants me to say that stuff so he can make it true. He walked off and the first thing I did was fgo to the pantry. For what? to punish myself some more, to make myself be disgusting because that is what I deserve? Or is it to cover up the pain ni my life? I want off this weight roller coaster and every time I think I'm off it, I allow myself to get sucked back in. Wow what a day

It is Monday, tomorrow will be one week on the phentermine. I will weigh tomorrow to see how I did. I am disappointed in myself because I didn't do too well over the weekend. My husband and three of my boys were gone out of state this weekend. I was at home with my 2 daughters and my 2 yr. old son. We had a wonderful weekend, totally relaxed. My house was quiet which rarely happens. I was sad when I got up this morning and it was already Monday, the day for them to come back. I missed my boys, I just liked having some girl time. I did get up this morning and kick butt on the treadmill. I worked out for an hour and burned 586 calories. I was totally excited about that. I just sat down and computed the calories on the food I ate today and it came out to 1,026. I thought it was a little lower, I will have to do better tomorrow with that.

I am learning that I eat for comfort. I don't have a happy marriage. My husband came home from a three day weekend and was here about 10 minutes and turned around and left again. Said he had things to take care of. I immidiately went into the kitchen and started looking for things to just start eating, as I was reaching, I caught myself. It made me stop and think, I am not hurting him by eating more and gaining weight, he doesn't care, I am hurting me. It makes me feel even worse about myself. He could care less about me. We have been married for 23 1/2 years and this marriage is so dead. There has been so much abuse that it has killed somuch of my feelings for him. We are just two people in the same house trying to finish raising these kids. There is no doubt if the economy wasn't so bad right now, he would divorce me however he doesn't make enough money to pay child support and alimony so he won't. I have made food my friend, my comfort, my love, my confidant. No more!!! I have to do this for me! I have to quit letting him control my life. Some days are lonely, most days I am at home taking care of my kids. I wouldn't trade that for the world, it would just be nice to have an adult to talk to every once and awhile.

I am not going to get on a poor me roll. I am the only one that can change it! One baby step at a time! 

Wow! It is already Saturday. The last couple of days have gone by so fast. I did weigh this morning and I am at 173.9!! Wanted more, but will accept that! I know that I can do this. I have been trying to ask myself everytime I eat something if what I am about to eat will help me to get to reach the goal. A couple of times I had to honestly say "No". I have noticed that when I get frustrated with my kids I want to eat. I have 7 kids (before anyone says anything, they are all mine and my husband and I do not have helpproviding for them) rangin in ages 21yrs. - 2 years. They are the joy of my life. I am blessed to have them, however they do drive me crazy sometimes. I did ok with my weight through all of my pregnancies except the last two. Especially the last one. I weigh more now than I did at 9 months pregnant. I know alot of it is mental, negative thinking, and poor choices. I think I really gave up on losing weight, so I said forget it. Not being able to play with my kids because my knees hurt, my back hurts, or I have no energy is depressing also. Anyway, just rambling right now. I need to get up and get moving, I have a date with the treadmill this morning!

OK, this is new to me. The blogging, the looking for support in my weight loss.

If anyone out there wants to chat, let me know.