So the doctor I had been seeing for four years is out of the picture now. The guy had me coming in every 2-4 weeks for four years, waiting over 2 hours every visit, billing the hell out of my insurance company and not helping me get any better or thinner at all. I finally gave up on him and started seeing a nurse practitioner who is absolutely great. She agrees that losing some weight will help a lot of the health issues I have and she's 100% supportive. After starting a new plan in March, I have cut my cholesterol by 75% and now maintain a healthy level without medication. I have lost 21 lbs at this point, along with a 1/2 inch from almost everywhere (a full inch in the chest, just my luck) and a dress size. Some days I am proud of the progress, but most days I feel like it's a scrape on the surface..a drop in the bucket of lard that is my body. I don't have the motivation for working out, nor the time. I don't have the desperation for surgery. So here I am in weight loss limbo, slowly chugging away, hoping every month for some exciting news from the scale/measuring tape. 1/5 of the way there. 20%. My goal was to lose 100 lbs in a year. It's been 4 months. I'm a little behind. I could kick it up a notch and actually exercise, maybe be more diligent about my diet, but where the hell do I find the time/motivation?? Sure, I want to be thinner, healthier, fit back into my size 14 clothes. But somewhere between wanting and doing, I'm missing something. Hope, maybe? I can't tell. Fat sucks. I hate being hot, sweaty and frumpy. So I complain. Then my husband starts the "the only person who can change it is you" and the "i love you the way you are, i don't care how much you weigh" and the "you'll get there if you try." Poor guy.

 

Anyway, I am going to try to step it up over the next week. I'm going to shoot for 5 days of healthy eating, remembering to take my meds and exercise. Try, try, try. I also hate being such a fuddy duddy. Sorry I can't inspire anyone right now. : (