WHOO HOO!

2 more pounds!!  How did that happen?  TOM just left me.  I refused to weigh while he was still visiting.  The week before that I was sick with the flu.  Yesterday was my first visit back to the gym...I had missed a WHOLE week.  I just knew when I stepped on that scale I would be devastated.  You know when you are sick the last thing you are worried about is healthy foods.  I was shocked.  TWO POUNDS!! 

Will I ever learn?

Will I ever learn that food is the enemy...not my friend?  I started back on my phen yesterday and really stuck to my diet.  This morning when I got up for work I felt like a million bucks.  I played around with my kids while we were getting dressed and when I got to work I got a truck load of stuff done because I felt GREAT.  Then a friend of mine calls me for lunch...Wanna go out...(she says)...YEAH!...(I say).  We went to one of those country buffet type places with all the good SOUTHERN food.  (you all know what buffet stands for right?!  Big Ugly Fat Folks Eating Together!!)  Of course with the spread there I couldn't eat what I KNEW I should.  I ate WAY too much!  Now I feel like refried CRAP!  I am so tired and feel drained.  I know it is the food that I ate that has done this to me.  Why can't I see that what I am eating is like a posion and if I would just eat like I KNOW is right then I could avoid feeling this way?!?!?!  I have got to get back on this "fat-loss" wagon!  I WILL GET BACK ON!  I WILL!  I WILL!  Right now all I want is a nap!  Another day.......

HELP!

I am in need of some serious modivation!!  I am at that point in my diet where I am trying to talk myself out of the "healthy living" that I am trying to do.  This past week I have been sick with flu type symptoms.  You know how when you are sick you will do anything to help you feel good again...Well, the good feeling for me is to eat food.  I have not been eating to good since being sick.  I have been pretty much eating anything I can get my hands on.  Yesterday a friend of mines mother brought me a whole bag of Reese's chocolate peanut butter.  Immediately my inner person starts screaming....give them away NOW....Give them to the skinny lady next door.  But NOOOO not me...I reason with myself...I will just take them home to the kids.  YEAH RIGHT!  Once I got in my truck to go home the "old" Jodie came out.  I honestly think I know what a crack addict feels like when they just HAVE to have it.  Before I knew what was happening I had already eaten 4 of them.  (They were the BIG cups too.)  As sick as I felt and mad as I was at myself for eating them when I got home my glorious husband had fixed taco's for supper.  I sat there and ate 5 of them!  Sour cream and all!  I knew the whole time I shouldn't be doing it.  It was like I was a robot shoveling it all in.  I enjoyed every single bit.  Even though I felt like a huge failure and was stuffed to an uncomfortable state it was like I didn't care...I just kept shoveling it in!  I DO NOT WANT TO GET BACK TO THAT.  I don't want to get back to the person I was when I would hide food in my truck so I could eat it and no one would know I had already eaten.  I don't want to get back to the person where I would eat huge portions of food to the point to where it made me sick and I felt miserable for the rest of the day.  I WANT to be a skinny person that is comfortable in my own skin.  I don't want to have yet another diet failure.  I want to be able to walk into a store and pick out something that really looks good on me and something I like instead of settling because it is the only thing in the store in my size!!  AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!   I do not want to fall back into a rut!   

I'M BACK!

It has been a while since I posted.  I have reached the "funk" part of my diet...ALREADY!   I have been doing this for almost two months I think.  I think this is the longest that I have held down a "diet" so far.  I am determined to make this one work this time.  I am the type of person that wants to see immediate results.  When I first started it seemed like the weight dropped pretty fast but now it seems to have slowed down.  I stepped on the scale this morning and I was so depressed....NOTHIING!   I have been working my butt off at the gym atleast 4 day and I don't eat but three meals a day.  No fried foods or sweets.  I drink a boat load of water a day.  WHAT IS THE DEAL?  Am I being retarded?  I am just so tired of being fat!! 

AAAHHHH!

I got rid of my temptation.  The four boxes of girl scout cookies that I was so worried about is my top success story.  I took 1 box to my Daddy, I sent 2 boxes to school with my girls on Monday for the teacher to pass out for snack (HEALTH, huh?!), and I sent 1 box with my husband to work.  OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND.  I knew if I had them at home I would end up eating them again.  I have been doing pretty good.  I was depressed and shocked this morning when I stepped on the scale and it said I had gained 2 pounds but then after getting to work TOM visited so I was quiet relieved for him to be there.  I knew that was the reason for that gain and I hadn't failed.  I don't think I will weigh again until his butt is gone. 

MINOR SET BACK

I have went and fallen off the wagon!  TEMPORARILY!  I came in first thing monday morning to 4 boxes of girl scout cookies (which I ordered before I started this weight loss journey).  I put them under my jacket so I wouldn't be tempted by them all day.  Then half way through the day this drug rep brings in two huge boxes of warm, home made, fresh from the oven sugar cookies (my favorite).  The skinny  lady that sits next to me comes through my office eating them like she was kissing the hottest guy she had ever seen and telling me that they are the best sugar cookies that she had ever in her entire life eaten.  I still stood my ground.  I didn't eat a single cookie.  About 3:30 my husband calls and tells me he is taking our son to the ER.  His wonderful, lovely pedatrician had refused to see him because she was booked (can you detect the sarcasm) and so with his fever as high as it was he took him to the ER.  When I got off work at 5 I went straight there.  We didn't end up leaving until 7:30.  By then my little salad that I had for lunch was no where in sight.  I was stressed out with my son's illness and just the stress of being in the ER that as soon as my tail hit my truck I was ripping open a box of them girl scout cookies like I was a crack addict and there was crack in that box.  I had eaten about 6 cookies before I realized what I had done.  Although they were oh so good I felt as guilty as if I had ran over someones dog.  In the past when I would have broken down like that I would have just given up and stopped my diet right then and there and went back to my usual gluttonous self but I am so back on track this morning.  Although I feel like I have gained back all the weight that I had lost (which I am sure I haven't) I just have to march forward and do the best I can.  I really have to keep my emotional eating in check.  But today is a brand new day and I will survive this!! 

HAPPY VALENTINES!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!  ALL THIS CHOCOLATE AROUND THIS OFFICE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.  I AM TRYING TO DO GOOD TODAY BECAUSE MY CHILDREN'S GRANDFATHER SENT THEM HOME YESTERDAY WITH COOKIES, CANDY, AND EVERYTHING ELSE UNDER THE SUN WITH SUGAR AND I WILL ADMIT I ATE JUST A COUPLE PIECES OF THE CHOCOLATE.  IT TASTED LIKE HEAVEN.  I COULD HAVE EATEN ALOT MORE BUT I TOLD MY HUSBAND TO HIDE THE BOX WHERE I COULD NOT FIND IT SO I WOULDN'T WANT THEM.  YOU KNOW...OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND!!  I AM DOING GOOD AT THE GYM THOUGH.  I HAVE A CO WORKER THAT IS GOING WITH ME AND IT MAKES IT ALOT BETTER.  I TRIED THEIR AB CLASS LAST TUESDAY AND I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO DIE!!  HAHA!  HERE I AM THIS FAT, OUT OF SHAPE CHICK AND I AM TRYING TO FOLLOW THIS SKINNY, BALLET DANCER WHO CAN MOVE EVERY WHICH WAY BUT SUNDAY!  I FINISHED IT TO THE END THOUGH SO WITH THAT I WAS PROUD.  DO YOU EVER GET TO A POINT TO WHERE YOU SAY TO YOURSELF....SELF, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?  YOU KNOW YOU WOULD RATHER BE EATING THAT DOUBLE CHEESE BURGER.  BEING FAT IS SOOOO DEPRESSING.  BUT I GUESS I JUST NEED TO TRUCK ON!! 

OH!  I READ AN INTERESTING TID BIT IN A PHAMPHLET I GOT FROM THE HEALTH FOOD STORE.  DID YOU KNOW THAT FRUIT IS THE ONLY THING YOU EAT THAT AS SOON AS YOU EAT IT, IT GOES STRAIGHT TO WHERE IT NEEDS TO GO IN YOUR BODY AND DOESN'T SIT AROUND.  IT SAID IF YOU WERE GOING TO EAT FRUIT YOU SHOULD EAT IT ON AN EMPTY STOMACH AND NOT EAT IT WITH OTHER FOODS OR BEHIND A MEAL BECAUSE IF YOU DO THAT THEN THE FOOD YOU EAT WILL SIT THERE TAKING ITS TIME TO DIGEST AND THE FRUIT WILL SIT THERE WITH IT AND THE FRUIT ENDS UP ROTTENING BEFORE IT CAN GET WHERE IT NEEDS TO GO SO YOU DON'T GET ANY NUTRITIONAL VALUE FROM IT.  I GUESS IT MAKES SENCE WHEN YOU READ IT IN PRINT BUT I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE!! 

OH WELL, I GUESS I WILL GO DRINK MORE WATER AND EAT MORE HEALTHY CRAP WHILE THIS SKINNY HEIFER THAT SITS BESIDE ME EATS ALL THE WRONG THINGS 24 HOURS A DAY AND IS STILL SKINNY!!  (SHE SAYS SHE NEEDS TO GAIN WEIGHT)  I FEEL LIKE BREAKING HER LITTLE SKINNY LEGS!  HAHAHA!  CAN YOU TELL I AM IN A FUNK TODAY!  HAHAHA!

I AM OFFICIAL!

Well I am now an offical member of our local woman's gym.  Never been a member of anything in my life that I can remember.  I am excited about it.  I am suppose to go for my orientation on Tuesday and the lady has signed me up for their AB class.  I am alittle nervous about that.  Probably will be this extra skinny girl up there and she will try to kill this fat girl!!  I am excited about my weight loss journey though.  Today is my offical first week of this diet and I have already had so many people tell me they can tell a difference.  My aunt asked me yesterday if I was on a diet and when I told her yes she said she could tell because my face looked so much smaller!  YES!!!!!   I walked up to my Mom and Dad's today (the live right up the road) and my Dad, who never comments on anything, says that I look like I have lost weight.  That was worth a million bucks to me!  I just hope that I will be able to stick to this one and make a difference!! 

QUESTION

JUST WONDERING....I HAVE BEEN TAKING PHENTERMINE 37.5 FOR A WEEK NOW.  DOES ANYBODY ELSE TAKE THAT MEDICINE?  I AM JUST WONDERING BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IT MAKES YOU FEEL A LITTLE JITTERY UNTIL YOUR BODY GETS USE TO TAKING IT BUT I FEEL A LITTLE TIGHT IN MY CHEST SOMETIMES AND I HAVE A TINGLING UNDER MY TONGUE SOMETIMES.  I DON'T WANT TO TELL MY DOCTER BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONLY THING I HAVE EVER TOOK THAT HAS HELPED ME WITH MY CRAVINGS.  I JUST WANT TO KNOW IF MAYBE SOMEBODY ELSE IS EXPERIENCING THIS.  THANKS. 

TEMPTATION DEVERTED!!

I am sooo proud of myself today!  We have pharmacutical reps that come in and bring us lunch just about every week.  We had one come in today with lunch from Chic-fil-a.  A golden brown chicken sandwich, sinful potatoe chips, and a huge chocolate brownie......I DIDN'T EAT A SINGLE BITE!!!  I ate my baked chicken instead.  You may not know this but that was a very unusual thing for me....in the past, I would have had myself talked into eating it before they could get it put out on the table!!  I feel really good.   YAH ME!!