Another A-Ha Moment
Sometimes you can hear something over and over. You may somewhat believe it, but still not "get it". Until it clicks. And then there's so much clarity that you wonder how you missed it in the first place.
In OA, they say not to quit before the miracle happens. In other words, keep goin gto meetings, using your tools, and working your steps, even if you're not feeling it at the moment.
I've "known" that the disease of compulsive eating is so much more than just what you eat. You can abstain from your trigger foods and overeating, and still struggle with the insanity. I've experienced this first hand. And it occurs when I'm not working my program. At that point, it's about trying to force yourself NOT to think baout food, yet being able to think of nothing else. It almost feels worse than when you actually do have a binge.
I am going to a child's birthday party Saturday. I know there will be cake and snack food there, which I need to avoid for several reasons. So I asked my temporary sponsor for some real life tips on how she handles these situations. She gave me some great advice. She said to give it to my Higher Power to NOT take that first compulsive bite.
Then my addict started talking. It said, "I can have just one serving of chips & dip, cake, whatever, and then not let myself have more."
This is where it started to click. Sure, I probably could have just one serving. But then the insanity will start. I wouldn't be able to think of anything else until I got my next "hit". I wouldn't be able to enjoy the party. I wouldn't be present. Whether or not I ate more, I would be agonizing on the inside. Lots of internal conflict to say the least.
See, that would be trying to use willpower. I know that doesn't work and it's against what OA teaches me. Plus it's ME trying to control my food. Not in alignment with Steps 1, 2, and 3.
So it clicked, I get it. I can't say whether or not I'll eat at the party. That's the future and I can't predict it. All I have is today, right now. But I can say that right now, I have such clarity regarding the situation. I can say that I'm thankful for my a-ha moment.