03/02/2010 21:44
Sanity
Hey guys! Long time/no write. Just thought I'd check in. FIrst off, I've erased my graph. Weight doesn't matter. I'm finally at a place in my life where I can do the things that are good for me and good for my body withouth worrying about the outcome. I've come to realize that I'm great at losing weight. But I've never kept it off. My whole adult life has been an yo-yo cycle of either losing weight or gaining weight. Never maintaining.
I now know why. I'm a compulsive overeater. I'm addicted to food. Literally. And I've found the answer. Overeaters Anonymous. (OA) It's a 12 Step Program that's modelled after Alcoholics Anonymous. (AA)
I went to my first meeting 11/01/09. There were only 2 of us there. (The leader and me.) I decided that wasn't for me. But at the time, it was the only meeting time that fit into my schedule. Miraculously, my scheduled opened up WIDE when I lost my job 11/05/09.
I didn't go to my next meeting, though, until 12/28/09. And I can say that I have successfully maintained my weight since then. Sure, I ultimately want to lose weight. And now that I've maintained and lost the insanity, I think I can get there.
I've been working the 12 Steps. I've been doing a lot of praying and fully relying on God. No OA is not religious, but it is spiritual. You can believe in your Higher Power however you choose. I have given my eating disorder up to God. And guess what he's given me in return? My sanity. I no longer obsess about food. My life does not revolve around food. I haven't had any binges. But more importantly, I haven't gone crazy while doing this. It's the most calm and serene I've felt in a long time.
If you think you might be a compulsive eater, check out the website at www.oa.org. There's even a questionnaire there to see if you are a compulsive overeater.
See, I spent so much of my time wondering what was wrong with me. Why can't I stick to my eating plan? Why do I want to stay fat? Am I just a friggin slob? You know what? OA takes all this away. OA is truly my answer. I'm home.
I know this can be a very uncomfortable thing to talk about. I had a very dear friend on another website put it to me bluntly. Things aren't okay. Things won't be okay until I get help. And then he told me about OA. I hadn't really heard of it before. I am so thankful for his brutal honesty. (Brutal, but gentle.) And I know how much courage it takes to walk into one of those rooms. But I also know ... from experience.... that my sanity and peace is so worth it. I know that the first meeting was so scary. I know that now I feel comfortable. I know that now I have SERENITY! Isn't that worth the step?
