Daily Totals: Calories: 1311 Fat: 41.45 g Carbs: 169.04 g Prot: 57.71 g Exercise: 120 mins. @ 3 mph = 6 miles 10 mins. Abs of Steel Part A
I weighed myself again this morning and found that I didn't lose anything, but that's to be expected. I know from years of yo-yo dieting that the first week's loss is water weight loss, so I'm not stressing over it. I'm just glad I had an 8 pound water weight loss last week. Now we get down to serious business.
Woke up to a drizzle outside, and they're calling for thunderstorms throughout the day. It's not raining at all right now. I have the indoor dogs out right now so they can roam around the yard before the rain.....they do need a little bit of exercise too. Once the rain starts, I'm sure they'll be on their backs snoring away in their beds. They know when it's a good nap weather.
I've been listening to the De-Hab CD from hemi-sync, and I feel so much more refreshed afterwards. I know it's supposed to take up to 6 weeks for tapes like this to start taking hold in your mind, but I can already tell the difference. I've also noticed that I'm not really hungry most of the time although I do have thoughts of foods that I really enjoyed like Chinese food or Mexican food. In fact, I think I will plan for a mexican dinner this Saturday. There's this dish called the Chile Colorado that I really love....very spicy but delicious. All it is is chunks of beef in super hot chile sauce. I usually milden it up with some sour cream in the sauce and eat it with rice. Yummmmy~!!! I will get it carry out so I won't get tempted by anything else there (NO fried tortilla chips and salsa please), and then I'll add fat free sour cream instead of the regular kind. I can live with that.
Just walked 30 minutes to Loverboy's Get Lucky CD. Geez...my taste in music really shows my age, doesn't it? LOL. I've had a headache all morning because of the high humidity today, and while I was walking, I was really feeling nauseous. I wanted to quit at 15 minutes, but I stuck it out to 30 and am so~ happy that I did. I had already taken some tylenol before I started walking, and now that I'm done, the headache is starting to go away. Thank goodness. It's tough when you suffer from migraine AND sinus headaches. Luckily, today, it's sinus.
I'm feeling mildly worn, but I also feel refreshed and happy that I got this done. I'm fixin' to go make some decaf tea and eat my NS chocolate chip biscotti for my morning snack. We got this tea Sunday at Beans and Bytes that's made from organic fruits and tea leaves in silk bags. It sounded so elegant and rich....I just had to get a sample pack. It has 3 tea bags in it. If I like it, I'll go get the big canister. Too bad they don't have an assorted canister though. I'd get sick of drinking the same tea every day.
You know, I'm just having one of those "feeling slim" days. I feel good, and I feel like I'm looking good too. Days like this, I just want to try on a bunch of smaller sized clothing to see how wonderful it would look on me. Then when I actually see myself in the mirror with them on, I'm totally let down. So I'm not even going to try on anything today lol. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy the feeling of feeling thin. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm really happy right now with the choices that I'm making. I feel like I'm in total control of my destiny. I feel like I'm finally taking responsibility for my own body and not crying about it because I'm so weak. We all have our weak moments, but we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for (or take responsibility for) most of the time. I feel empowered. I'm envisioning the end result. I want to be healthy. I want to be happy.
I'm beginning to think that being thin is just a secondary goal for me. I mean, I'd love to be thin, but I would love it even more if I were healthy and get off all of my medication. If I'm healthy, I'd be really happy. And to be healthy, I need to be thinner. I don't have to be skinny. Just thinner than I am now. Somebody made a comment in one of the blogs that this is a snowball effect. What I do today affects tomorrow and the next day and the next day. So I CHOOSE to make healthier choices today so that I could be healthier tomorrow. I'll choose to make healthier choices tomorrow so that I could be even more healthier the next day. I'm so worth it. If I don't love and take care of myself, who would?
My husband said it so well last night. Most dogs love the taste of antifreeze because it apparently tastes sweet to them, but it will definitely kill them if not make them deathly ill. So if you love your dog, you wouldn't dare give them any antifreeze even if they were begging for it. But why then would you give yourself something that may taste good but you know will kill you eventually if you really love yourself? That doesn't make sense, does it? I know, it's easier said than done. I couldn't imagine my life without the foods that I love, but I think for us, the secret is in moderation. The serving size really matters. I've become so accustomed to eating huge amounts of food every moment of the day that when I first started Nutrisystem, I wasn't sure it I could be satisfied with that. And for the first 2 months that I've been on NS, I wasn't actually on NS. I mean, I was eating NS foods in addition to eating everything else in my kitchen. My husband had to call me from work to ask me what he wanted me to buy before he came home because the kitchen would be devoid of anything edible on a daily basis. That's how bad I'd become. But something is different this time. For one, I have a goal to look forward to which is a mini family reunion in Vegas next November. My best friend since HS is also joining us, and my ex-boyfriend who is now a successful real estate tycoon lives there now too (don't tell my hubby that). So I'd rather be dead than to have them see me like I am right now. Reason two, couple of weeks ago, I had to go to the emergency room for hypertension (188/98) and was admitted for 24 hours for observation. They started me on metoprolol to keep my bp down in addition to the metformin that I'm already taking for my diabetes type 2. So I really would love to get off of those medication as quickly as possible. Plus I've noticed that I've developed migraines in the last few years that's progressively getting worse, and I can't think of anything I'm doing differently except for my dramatic weight gain in the past 5 years of so. Reason 3, my husband and I really want to adopt a child. We're planning on about 3 years from now because we really need to get our health and finances in gear. I refuse to get a loan to adopt a child. If we don't have the cash, we're not gonna do it. Plus since we're gonna be older parents, we really need to be healthy so that we can be there for the child for as long as possible. I'm 40 now, and if we adopt at 43, I'll be 63 when my child turns 20. That's a scary thought. Some of my friends are already grandparents you know? And I'm just now thinking about becoming a parent. I must be crazy. But being born a woman, I really don't want to deprive myself from experiencing motherhood. I think parenthood is a huge part of life, and both my husband and I want that for ourselves. And in the process, we can give a stable and loving home to a child in need, then what else could be better? It's a win-win situation all around.
Ok, my husband was drinking this Sobe green tea thingie, and I noticed that there's a picture of a Japanese courtesan on the bottle?!?!?!?! Why?!?!?!?! And then I'm reading other people's blogs, and I come across the one with the Geisha girl at the left top of the page? Well, there's a picture of a courtesan on it too. Why?!?!?!?! In case you don't know what I'm talking about, the difference between a geisha and a courtesan is that a geisha is a performer of arts such as the shamisen (3 stringed instrument), traditional Japanese dance, etc. A courtesan is....well, a prostitute. The way you can tell the difference is that a Geisha (and other women wearing kimono) have the sash knotted in the back. A courtesan has it tied in the front because she has to undo them when she has a customer and then tie them back up after she's done. Tying the obi (sash) is very complicated, so the courtesan has it facing the front to make it easier (since she has to untie/tie many times a day). I wish they would do a little research before putting something like that on a bottle, you know???
Daily Total: Calories: 1202 Fat: 24.13 g Carb: 185.41 g Prot: 60.24 g Exercise: 20 min. Thighs of Steel Part B 10 min. Abs of Steel Part A 30 mins. @ 3 mph = 1.5 miles
Just got done eating dinner and dessert about half an hour ago, and I'm still feeling very satisfied. We had a lot to do today, and I haven't done any exercise yet, but I'll be doing a 10 minute ab workout with hubby in a little while. I may do something else too, but I'm not sure yet.
As I'm sitting here looking back on the past 7 days, I've come to a realization that I'm actually enjoying the Nutrisystem foods. Granted, there were some that were just awful, but now that I know what I like, I'm actually looking forward to them. With all the veggies, salads, and fruits, I don't feel like I'm being deprived of anything either. It's kind of like having my own personal chef preparing and prepackaging my food for me. It's almost like eating out everyday. Sure, it's not the fattening foods that I (or the demon) enjoyed until a week ago, and if I (not the demon) actually wanted to have some of that, I know I can. The point is that I'm the one in control of my eating.....not the demon. I refuse to give it more power over me than I already have all these years. It's made me miserable, made me feel like I was weak and worthless because I wasn't even in control of myself. Something is different this time. I feel so empowered. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (a very long tunnel), and I know I will come through healthier, happier, and thinner.
Thanks to those that left encouraging comments!!! I'm so glad I joined EP because there's so much love and fellowship. It's great to know that I'm not really doing this on my own.
Ok, so I got up this morning, and the first thing I did was pee and weighed myself. I must've pee'd a lot because I'm down another .5 lbs!!! Woo hoo~!!! I guess I was retaining a lot of water, and I don't doubt it because I'm sure my diet was really high in sodium when I was eating everything in sight.
I'm thinking about going to Beans & Bytes to get another cafe Americano......I can't stop thinking about it. Ok, so I live in rural TN. I'm surrounded by cow pastures, woods, lots of wild rabbits running around, raccoons, skunks, snakes, coyotes, etc. Lots of deer around here. We had to put a fence around an acre of our backyard for the dogs so they will be safe. There are 2 nearest towns (just about equal in distance) from where I live, and one has a movie theater and the other one doesn't. The one with the theater has an outlets mall too. But we usually end up going to the other one because the drive seems shorter for some reason. That's the town that has the internet cafe. It's probably about 20 miles from my home to the city limits. I like the privacy, but I really hate the inconvenience. But....I can live with that.
Had my breakfast of 2 eggs, 2 strips of turkey bacon, and a cup of honeydew. It was good!!! The demon is unusually quiet this morning. My stomach is happy. I'm happy.
Oh, and I use a software called "Weight by date pro v.2.9". It's really similar to Fitday for PC. You can check out the screen shots of Fitday at fitday.com. I was thinking about getting fitday for pc, but I remembered I had this one, so I just downloaded some updates and walah!
Daily total: Calories: 1159 Fat: 34.75 g Carb: 139.53 g Prot: 75.04 g Exercise: 60 min. @ 3 mph treadmill
Ok, it's really embarrasing, but I finally put my before pictures up. I look so much worse than I do in the mirror....why is that? I'm so determined to become sleek and sexy!!! I can do it dangit!!!
Got up this morning to find that I'm 1/2 a pound less than yesterday morning. Surprising since I pigged out last night, but I'm gonna take it. I think the treadmill helped. I walked 35 minutes before I went to bed in addition to the 20 minutes in the afternoon, so that's more exercise than I've done in a long time.
We just got back from getting a new weed eater and some groceries for the upcoming week. We also stopped at Beans & Bytes (internet cafe) where I had a cafe americano which is like 5 calories. I also took the chocolate chip biscotti for snack, and we both had a wonderful time there. That is my weekend treat because I really like the ambiance of the place, and the people are all so friendly. The coffee is excellent too. I always ask for just a single shot of espresso because I'm not much for caffeine, and if I got the regular (2 shots), I'd be up the whole week. Maybe next week I'll ask for some low fat whipped cream on it just to make it a little more milder.
I got the CDs from Hemi-Sync.com today. I listened to the first track of the De-Hab CD, and I was so~ relaxed. I actually think I fell asleep while I was listening to it. They say you get the same effect if you fall asleep, so that's good. Afterwards, I felt really energized and ready to walk on the treadmill. I walked 30 minutes while listening to Journey's Escape CD. Ok, here's a hint for ya. I was a freshman in HS when this album came out. Can you guess how old I am? LOL!!! I'm going to listen to the 2nd track before I go to bed tonight.
Ok, so I walked another 30 minutes, and I'm thinking that tomorrow will be a floor workout day because my feet are killing me!! I guess at 194.5 lbs., pounding the pavement (errr....treadmill) for an hour comes with a price to the poor feet. I think I'll challenge the thighs of steel with Tammy Webb, part B (floor exercise). I need to find a good exercise video that works the upper body.
I'm totally struggling with wanting to binge right now. I already ate my lunch and my afternoon snack, and I still want more. I should re-phrase. The DEMON wants more. Since we're having that sashimi dinner tonight, I've planned on something like 1500 cal for my daily limit today. The demon is wanting me to go above that. It's saying to me, "you're going over your caloric limits anyway.....what's another couple of hundred? Come on', it's only for today. Today will be your cheat day".
I'm not even hungry at all....I'm actually burping up that tuna fillet that I had just a little while ago. I'm not full either, so I guess this is what you'd call "comfortable". I think I'll have some crystal light to see if that'll do the trick. I need to drink another 3 glasses of water anyway. I've noticed that I can only mix about 1/2 of the amount of crystal light mix before it gets too sweet for me. I guess that's good because that way, I can have 2 glasses for the same calorie of 1 normal glass. I need to buy other flavors too. I'm getting sick of that orange one.
When the mail came before I ate my lunch, I got the shock of my life. It was a bill from the IRS saying that we owed them over $25,000 for the sale of our previous home in 2004. I called my husband, and we both were freaking out. He was at the gym during his lunch break working out, and after I told him about it, he couldn't work out anymore. I was all bent out of shape and wanted to give up and give in to the demon and stuff my face. But I read through the bill, and get this....the damned lawyer filed a 1099 miscellaneous form!!!! WHAT!!?!!?!!?!!?!!? What kind of lawyer does that???? So I called the lawyer up and had him look up the transaction from 2004, and guess what he said? "Oh, I filed that because I couldn't find the correct form". Granted, he's not a real estate lawyer....but WTF???? So according to the IRS, we need to get the lawyer state on his letterhead why this was filed using the wrong form and that in fact it is a real estate transaction. We also need to send some additional forms. Hopefully that's all we would need to do. You know how IRS is....I won't rest easy until this thing is settled!!! I just can't believe it. Is that how all lawyers are in rural TN? I sure hope not. Goodness gracious!!!!
10:00pm OMG....talk about stuffed!!! I've realized that I don't really like feeling like this at all. I can't believe I was perpetually in this state of physical being all these years. I'm not sure how many calories I ate tonight, but I'm saying 1000 just to be safe. That means my total intake for today was over 2000 calories. But, all things considered, I think I've done really well. The only thing I feel I need to do from now on is to KNOW that I can always eat this stuff whenever I want. I don't have to finish the whole platter. If I wanted to eat sashimi tomorrow, I can always go get more. The point is that I don't have to stuff myself like I'm never gonna be able to eat them if I don't eat them right there and then. My stomach is telling me that I ate way too much, but the demon is telling me that I could go for some sweets right about now. I hate you demon!!! I'm not gonna go for that chocolate bar....I'm gonna have some honeydew later on when I'm good and ready!!!
Daily totals: Calories: 2093 Fat: 70.85 g Carbs: 97.37 g Protein: 252.14 g Exercise: 55 mins. @ 3.0mph (treadmill)
Day 5, and another pound of water weight gone!!! Now we get down to business. I'm kind of nervous about the sashimi platter tonight because I just love them so much. But now that I think of it, I can always cook the leftovers up tomorrow and not worry about the fish not being fresh. Word of wisdom from mom and dad = never eat 2 day old sashimi unless you cook them.
I'm kicking myself in the head this morning. My neighbor, a nice old lady by the name of Betty, had been planning on going out of town for over 6 months now, and she'd asked me to look after her dog from Wednesday until Saturday. Well.....today is Friday, and I just remembered about her dog late last night. That means she went without food or water since Wednesday!!!!! How stupid am I? Poor Maggie (Betty's dog)!!!!! So early this morning, I drove up there to find to my horror that she had broken her tether and was nowhere in sight. I felt my heart sink to my feet, I swear. Luckily she came bounding out of the hay field across the street from her yard, so I leashed her up and threw her in my car and came home with her. I have her in my back yard with my 3 male dogs, but I had to put my female border collie out in the garage because they definitely don't get along. The last time Maggie was here, she almost got her nose bitten off. She seems to get along just fine with my "boys" though. She needs to be here anyway because her tether is about 6 feet long, and she never gets to run or walk because Betty has a really bad knee. So Maggie is running around my yard like a dog possessed by freedom....lol Anyway, thank goodness she's safe. Whew~!!!
I had to make an adjustment to the dailly totals for yesterday because I ate a 1/2 cup of honeydew last night around midnight. I'm so proud of myself for not eating more than that, but I'm even more proud of not eating something fattening.
I realize that before I became totally obsessed with food, I was more of an afternoon binger. I could go without food until about 3pm, but once I started eating, the flood gates were opened. There was no stopping me after that. Even when I was on a diet, I'd do well for the first 2 weeks or so, then I'd fall of the wagon with a vengeance and gain back even more weight than I'd lost. Then I'd have a hard time getting back on track because my will power was no longer there. I'm kind of afraid of that happening again, but all I can do is to keep my head up and not dwell on mistakes. I guess I'm an "all or nothing" kind of person too, so even if I just ate 1 little thing off plan, I'd feel like a total failure. But then if I forgave myself for any unplanned cheats, then it became endless. It was no longer a diet....it became a feed-fest. So I really need to find a happy medium where I can be happy and still retain my will power and get right back on track after an unplanned meal or snack.
It's now almost noon, and I just walked 20 minutes on the treadmill at 3mph. I can't believe I did that, but it really wasn't too bad since I was listening to the Infinity CD by Journey. I'm sweating profusely, but I sat out on the porch afterwards and enjoyed the cool breeze. It's actually supposed to be warmer than it's been in the past few days, but there's a nice breeze so I don't mind it at all. Had a cup of honeydew melon....OMG they're so sweet and delicious!!! I've never been much for melons, but when they're good and ripe, they're the best. I wish I liked berries. I like strawberries, but I'm not much for other kinds of berries unless they're in a pie or something. Even then, they're not my favorite. My favorites are pineapples, navel oranges, red grapefruits, concord grapes, white peaches, etc. My least favorites are berries, bananas, mangos (because I'm allergic to them), starfruits, and mountain apples. Yuck.
So far so good. Registered another 2 pound loss. I know it's my initial water weight, but hey, I'll take it
I couldn't sleep at all last night. For some reason I was so itchy, and I kept imagining a mosquito in the room. I didn't actually see or hear one, but once my mind got going, that was it. I guess I fell asleep sometime around 5am.
Just had a brunch of 2 boiled eggs and 4 slices of Jennie-O turkey bacon (20 cal per slice). It was kind of high in sodium, but it was totally satisfying. This would make a great guiltless weekend brunch with some added fruit.
It's now 1:45pm, and I'm feeling kind of nauseous and have a mild headache too. Usually around this time of the day, I can't wait to eat something, but I don't even feel like eating right now. That's highly unusual for me. But I guess I have to eat something to keep my metabolism up.
Well, I just got done eating, and I must say that I do feel a whole heck of a lot better. Maybe I just needed to get some food in me. See, the thing is.....I'm so used to ignoring what my body is telling me. I have not physically felt hungry in ages because I've always stuffed myself to the busting point from the moment I woke up in the morning until the second I fell asleep, and sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night to finish off what I couldn't finish off before I went to bed. Food consumed my thoughts every waking moment of my life. Even when I was busy doing something, I always had a goal.....to get it done and go eat that last slice of pie or that left over pasta from the night before. I'd be physically sick and in pain, and I would literally pop 3 phazymes and an extra strength pepsid just so I could go eat more. I don't know how many times I felt like I wanted to jump off a bridge somewhere just so that I could stop this insanity. It's like I was a zombie....I was under a spell and under the control of something I couldn't explain. But I have given this "voice", this "entity" a name--the fat demon. I know some of you may think that giving it a name and validating its existance gives it more power. But I actually feel that by acknowledging it, I'm better able to face it and fight against it instead of dealing with something so intangible. By seperating the demon from ME, and also from my stomach, I feel like I can get in touch with my real emotions, the real sensations of my body and mind, the real issue at any given moment in my life. I'm a novice at this though, so I don't know what the future will hold for this method. But for the first time in my life, I'm actually going to make an effort to deal with my head as well as my body instead of simply "dieting". For me, it's not all about losing X amount of weight by X date. Sure, I have set a goal for myself, but it's not completely about the weight. It's really about dealing with my demon. It's about making positive mental and physical improvements that will last for the rest of my life.
It's now 10:22pm, and I just got done doing the 10 minute beginners step aerobics. I got through half of it with the 2" risers, but then I had to just get back to the basic platform halfway through. Geez I'm so out of shape!!! I'm still sweating profusely, and I feel kind of asthmatic too. I guess my first goal is to be able to get through the beginners program with the 2" risers without feeling like my lungs will burst.
Daily Totals: Calories: 1231 Fat: 29.47 g Carbs: 164.9 g Protein: 61.31 g Exercise: 10 minutes beginner's step aerobics
Daily Totals: cal: 1274 fat: 21.2 g carbs: 177.28 g prot: 41.06 g Exercise: 10 minutes beginner's step aerobics
It's day 3 of my new life, and I'm totally excited. My husband ordered some Hemi-Sync CDs for me that I've wanted for a long time so that I can start working on my head while I work on my body too. It should be here by the end of next week. I'm so excited about that.
Anyway, my name is Maya, and I'm a foodaholic. I'm also a compulsive overeater. In hindsight, I can see that I've always had an addictive personality. It all started to become apparent when I became hooked on cocaine in my teenage years, and then I basically replaced that addiction with pot, and than I replaced that with food. It totally got out of control about 5 years ago when I first tried to quit smoking. I started eating even more food (on top of the already enormous amounts of food that I was puttin' under) to compensate for not smoking. Well, the good news is that I've been drug free (pot included) for 8 years, alcohol free for 3 years, and tobacco free for a little over a year now. So now I'm ready to tackle my food issues......and not create anymore addictions to replace this one unless it's something like exercise or other forms of self improvement.
Like I said, it's day 3, and I'm feeling pretty good. I'm actually doing the Nutrisystem program which is great for me because I really don't want to be in the kitchen any longer than I really need to. My husband is doing the body for life challenge, so he's doing his own cooking which is wonderful for me.
My highest weight was 202 lbs. At 5'3", I look totally round. My belly sticks way out past my boobs, and I'm wearing anywhere from an XL to 3X tops, and size 14 stretch waist pants. I don't even remember the last time I wore a button and zip pants! So my initial goal is to look great in a pair of button up jeans and not have rolls hanging all over the place. My ultimate goal is to get down to about 120 lbs. Although you couldn't tell it with all this weight on me, I have a small frame, so my ideal weight would be around 110 to 125. I felt most comfortable around 120, so that's what I'm going to shoot for. I know I can get there again!
Ok, so it's past 10:30pm, and I just got done with 10 minute beginners step aerobics. I didn't use any risers, but I got through it without dying. I know it's not much, but it's a start.. I think I'll try using the 2" risers tomorrow and see how that goes.
I struggled a little bit today with wanting to eat more. It was a constant dialogue between me, my stomach, and the fat demon in my head. I've realized how much I've been ignoring what my body has been telling me all these years. Not anymore!! But I have to admit that it was difficult. I'm so used to giving in to the demon and stuffing my face until I was sick. My body is also adjusting to not having such enormous amount of food being stuffed in it.
We're planning on a seafood overload on Friday. Hubby will get a huge platter of sashimi for dinner (costs around $70 a platter), so I'm really looking forward to that. I'm not going to eat any rice or salad with ginger dressing....just fish. It's an acquired taste y'all. It's like grits. I can't eat grits (or polenta for that matter) for the life of me. It's looks like baby puke....and taste like......something I can't even explain.....ugh~!!! So there....lol
