Contemplating Final Leg Diary
I've been wondering if it's time for a last push diary. Previously I had thought I ought to only start a diary when I actually have something to say, at the end, when I reach goal and am going to maintenance thinking it's only natural to start it when there's some full success to announce and when there's something exciting food and exercise wise to track.
Another reason why I didn't want to start it yet was so that I don't tell people what the actual weight was. I still don't intend to tell people IRL how much I used to weight till I get to goal but you lot know and well, unlikely you'll sell the story to the newspapers.
So with those two out of the way, some success is better than no success so I may as well share this last leg of the race with everyone.
So yeah, I've started in January and here we are 6 months later, tens of inches gone, 102 lbs (45kg) and 17 BMI points gone. I expect I am another 12 weeks stint away from goal give or take but we'll see how it goes.
Panic du jour today is that I've started the 810 mandatory break week
yesterday, had 150 g tuna, 50 g of cucumber and some cottage cheese
-all within allocated kcals!- and gained 900 grams! All that after a stall of NINE days.All very disheartening but at the end of the day it's still only 48 lbs lost to goal.
Some people would argue 48 lbs is not "only" by far but when you're 102 lbs down, 48 is just a drop in the sea :)
So if you wanna get bored with my whines and panic attacks for the next few months pull up a chair and welcome to my journal.
100 lbs lost Barrier Broken
So yeah! 100 lbs (45 kg) down but the excitement is wearing off as that happened nearly a week ago and I have lost nothing since!
Still very ambivalent, some days I can't believe I look so good and am so light and some other days it feels like goal (45lbs, 22 kg) is SO very far away and will never be reached!
Monday the 810 Add a Meal week starts and part of me hopes it will jump start my loss and part of me is worried it will make me pile on. Uh well will keep on keeping on.
Next Milestone in the very far away future is step down to Overweight not Obese - in 7 SEVEN -oh my...- kg so likely by my birthday or at the soonest mid August.
New Milestones Needed plus confession :)
I do hope this diary stays anonymous and no one ever finds it as I'm about to confess :) I've spent 100 Euros on clothes I have promised I will not buy till much later when I'm in a new range today!
Yes I didn't really have work suits anymore and yes, I had no more goal-clothes (used to have this grey lush pencil skirt that to my surprise slid on me last weekend!) but nonetheless I could have waited. The goal ones are now 38 and 40 which I guess is size 10 and 12 if anyone is reading this that needed the translation :) And I reckon I am a couple of months or more away from them.
I posted a question on the CD forum about the fact that I am 17 weeks of complete fasting now and wanted to hear reassurance that others went for much longer and had none. Worrying.
I'm debating which the next milestones are. Either:
- Hit 100 lbs lost (13 left so doable in this round of CD), or
- Drop BMI to Overweight and no longer obese (about 14 left so as well doable)
- Or something to do with size.
Maybe all of the above :)
Approaching 40 kg lost and Lowest Weight of Adult Life
But broke two barriers. The 200 lbs barrier - 196 now! Yeeee haw!
And the dreaded 90 kg barrier. 88.7 today. Which puts me at the lowest weight of my adult life!!!
The only time that I weighed this was in my school records as I was 15!
Feels darn good too!
Day by Day Goals
This seems to be important, even the slightest variation makes a difference so these are my goals for the weekend and Monday:
- No mints
- Full 3 Liters every day
- No Strawberry shakes
- Breakfast at 7-9, lunch at 12-14 and dinner at 18 to 20. No skipping, no combining.
- Observer results after 3 days.
Oh and a long time not seen ticker.
Just came back from Rio and the airplane security belt that once cut deep into me almost making me crave an extension had a spare 20-25 cm. I stared at it in disbelief for hours.
Also people are faaaar fatter than I used to notice. Isn't this weird? Skinnies have vanished! I used to think everyone was skinny with the exception of the few ones bigger than me whom were well, not skinnies. Now, with the exception of a few annorexics -the mister included- I've lost the normals! Everyone is overweight or obese. I hope I don't turn into one of them nasty reformed obeses that has something against fat people!!!!
How I used to avoid entering clothing stores... Or -gasp- trying
anything on. I know I'm nowhere near the goal weight but just the other week I found myself buying not one but two
dresses for dinging on a business trip and it took me two hours of
twirling in my size 12 and my size 14 (one more fitted over my big bum)
before I could part with them enough to have them wrapped and bought.
Crazy! Surreal. I remember walking out of there going "uh-oh this can
spell ruin, look at all these pretty little colourful things I would
have never seen before!".
Oh and to top it in how surreal it is, not really connected but body
image stuff, the hotel of the place I was in had one of them oversized
big mirrors that used to be the enemy. For the first time in my adult
life I looked at myself and thought "hmmmm not bad. Not perfect and
wobbly nasty bits galore but not bad at all!"
And I'm approaching both breaking the kg psychological barrier of "under 90" which will put me at the lowest weight since the 9th grade in highschool and that of under 200 lbs. Next week should be it.
To Goal on CD - Low carb, high fat possible maintenance
After a long conversation with my favourite legendary success story - KD - I spent an entire night reconsidering my switch from CD to A approach and have found that the reason why I wanted that is that A. I am bored as heck and B. I wanted to eat better in the UK vacation. None of which are worth it.
I have now revisited that idea and while I am still going to investigate if maintenance on low carb-high fat rather than high protein is not the possible way, I will go to goal on CD and work my way up the plans.
I intend to get reading.
low carb examiner's blog and so on.
Right now, from what I read, the perfect balance may lay in a decent amount of cals -maybe around 1500- then some10-20% carbs, 60-70% fat and 20-30% protein. - My personal idea currently is to find a way to work up from the plans of CD and then tweak till I find the perfect values on low-ish cals, low carbs, medium protein and high fat.
Falling off the Wagon
I am still SoleSourcing and have thankfully not yet fallen once in the past 15 weeks.
However, the mister reached his goal and is working up the steps and
right away we noticed a few things. The second food was introduced
(AAM, 810, 1000) he has become far more hungry, which is natural and
expected as he exited ketosis. Right afterwards he reintroduced solid
carbohydrates. And it's when he not only gets hungry but nearly
incontrollable cravings for all things starchy and sugary.
Yesterday he confessed to entering a store with the intention to buy
candy. He has resisted and after reading packs and so on, has walked
out without having cheated but it offered us the occasion to discuss it
(well after I went down from the high horse of how disappointed in him
I, his anti-food-addiction-ad-hod-sponsor am)
We realized (well I did, he agreed, shamed and worried) that there is a
difference between the potential cheating inductive situations. E.g.:
Situation A: Dieting, 100%, struggling and then one Saturday evening,
peer pressure at a party makes you take "just one sip, it won't kill
you" from the beer/wine/cake in front of you and then another one and
another one because you couldn't stop yourself.
Situation B: Dieting, 100%, struggling and then you dream of how you
will go downstairs to the local cafe and buy a glass of beer/wine or a
bag of candy/your favorite cake. You think of the action, you imagine
it, the going, the money paid, the taste of that cheat and then you
walk there, pick it up, eat/drink it.
Both possible, both supposingly "just a cheat so forget it and carry
on", right? Well we disagree. I think there is a difference between an
accident-cheat (Situation A) and a premeditated cheat (Situation B). Of
course one should get back on the horse after both but on the
Premediated Cheat there was more than just overwhelming lust, there was
a subconscient need to sabotage your previous efforts, a secret
masochistic wish to punish yourself for something and it's important to
figure out what that something was and why you'd want yourself down and
kicked to prevent doing it again.
So not to preach but maybe this helps someone.... if you fall of the
wagon, by all means put it behind you and carry on but maybe you can
spend a second and wonder if it was A or B and why was it that it was B
for, know what I mean?
Personally I intend to tell myself that Situation A is excusable and should be jumped over with no second thought but Situation B is reprehensible and should be analyzed in detail!
Nearly the end of Week 1 of Sole Source Take 2 and we're well under 100 kg. 97.2 so really pleased. It didn't fall off me like crazy but being this low is very encouraging.
Over 30 kg lost. Nearly at the half of the journey. Feeling far better on shakes than on food. A bit craving but not as sick as I was in the days that I ate! It was horrendous.
Also, before I forget, a friend that got a gastric bypass last year in April posted her results. She lost 23 kg and is very happy and proud. Now I want her to be happy, proud and so on but just between us -sic!- one year and 23 kg?!?! Only that after this long, 8000 Euro and all the pain?!?! Is it really worth it? I think not showing people there are alternatives before surgery is nearly criminal.
If people know there are diet alternatives -food replacement VLCDs- and still go for the surgery, it's their choice but most people have no clue and that enrages me!