12/12/2008 17:39
Where Love Goes Wrong
Here are some things that always interferes with happiness in
relationships, and I know this from personal experience and observation
with other people's relationships. Those of us who have experienced the
worst of the worst in the relationship realm, probably realize these
things more so than others. First of all, I want to speak on
influences. If you need someone else to approve of someone that you are
dating before you can approve of them yourself, maybe that is not the
person for you. I feel that if you know in your heart that someone is
right for you, you don't really care what anyone else has to say about
it. No one else can tell you how to feel about someone if there is a
genuine interest there.
Also, when your friends tell you what you need to do in your relationship, you may want to take a step back and think about if they really have your best interest at hand. Believe it or not, in this dog eat dog world that we live in, most people would rather see you fail and be unhappy than to succeed and be happy. Whether you call them your friend or not...everything that glitters is not gold...remember that. With that being said...if you are in a happy relationship and someone is attempting to persuade you to do something that could potential destroy it...they really are not looking out for you at all...they evidently would rather see you unhappy.
Now...as far as compliments and criticism goes...when I was younger, I desired to have someone with a body like LL Cool J, a smile like Usher, a face and height like Denzel, a brain like 2 Nelson Mandela, with a swagger like T.I., and the money and cars like all of the above. I would say that is nearly a perfect man. Through life experiences I have realized that there is no such thing as a perfect man or woman and also realized that I too was not perfect. Now...with that being said...none of us are perfect, and it is unexceptionable to expect perfection, when you are not a picture of perfection yourself.
NO ONE WANTS TO BE CRITICIZED!!!! If you can't lift your partner up, you shouldn't say things to hurt them and make them feel bad either...ESPECIALLY if the relationship is new. It's just like going shopping for a new item of clothing. If you go in a store, and you are looking for a new shirt, you already have a thought in mind of what type of shirt you want. Let's just say, you needed a medium, green t-shirt with white graphics. You are not going to go pick up an extra large, red t-shirt with purple graphics and say well I will dye it green, paint the graphics and try to shrink it.....right?!? Well if you date someone in which you know does not fully meet your physical standards, don't criticize them or try to change them when you can just simply move on and find someone who does pleasure your eyes!!
This is a fact...if you love someone...you love them with flaws and all. Just because your partner doesn't constantly remind you of your flaws, doesn't mean they don't recognize them. Just recognize that your partner sees your flaws and still loves u, and you will love them in spite of theirs and not try to put them down. I don't know anyone that I have dated that didn't have something that I didn't like about them, but if I liked them enough to look past the flaws, they would never even know that I didn't like something because its unnecessary to hurt someone's feelings when it's not deserved. You especially should NOT criticize someone who is trying to be intimate with u. That is just harsh and cruel.
One last thing...guys and girls. When you find a special person who is truly one of a kind...recognize that. Don't throw away some treasure just to pick up some trash. It's easy to find someone who is just like everyone else, but when you find that one that is different..in a good way...you need to hold on because you don't find someone good everyday!!! It's hard to find a quality person who is physically attractive, intelligent, ambitious, independent, etc. It's hard to find these qualities now and days...especially in one person. Recognize when God has blessed you ....and know what to do with the blessing.
Always,
Mary
Also, when your friends tell you what you need to do in your relationship, you may want to take a step back and think about if they really have your best interest at hand. Believe it or not, in this dog eat dog world that we live in, most people would rather see you fail and be unhappy than to succeed and be happy. Whether you call them your friend or not...everything that glitters is not gold...remember that. With that being said...if you are in a happy relationship and someone is attempting to persuade you to do something that could potential destroy it...they really are not looking out for you at all...they evidently would rather see you unhappy.
Now...as far as compliments and criticism goes...when I was younger, I desired to have someone with a body like LL Cool J, a smile like Usher, a face and height like Denzel, a brain like 2 Nelson Mandela, with a swagger like T.I., and the money and cars like all of the above. I would say that is nearly a perfect man. Through life experiences I have realized that there is no such thing as a perfect man or woman and also realized that I too was not perfect. Now...with that being said...none of us are perfect, and it is unexceptionable to expect perfection, when you are not a picture of perfection yourself.
NO ONE WANTS TO BE CRITICIZED!!!! If you can't lift your partner up, you shouldn't say things to hurt them and make them feel bad either...ESPECIALLY if the relationship is new. It's just like going shopping for a new item of clothing. If you go in a store, and you are looking for a new shirt, you already have a thought in mind of what type of shirt you want. Let's just say, you needed a medium, green t-shirt with white graphics. You are not going to go pick up an extra large, red t-shirt with purple graphics and say well I will dye it green, paint the graphics and try to shrink it.....right?!? Well if you date someone in which you know does not fully meet your physical standards, don't criticize them or try to change them when you can just simply move on and find someone who does pleasure your eyes!!
This is a fact...if you love someone...you love them with flaws and all. Just because your partner doesn't constantly remind you of your flaws, doesn't mean they don't recognize them. Just recognize that your partner sees your flaws and still loves u, and you will love them in spite of theirs and not try to put them down. I don't know anyone that I have dated that didn't have something that I didn't like about them, but if I liked them enough to look past the flaws, they would never even know that I didn't like something because its unnecessary to hurt someone's feelings when it's not deserved. You especially should NOT criticize someone who is trying to be intimate with u. That is just harsh and cruel.
One last thing...guys and girls. When you find a special person who is truly one of a kind...recognize that. Don't throw away some treasure just to pick up some trash. It's easy to find someone who is just like everyone else, but when you find that one that is different..in a good way...you need to hold on because you don't find someone good everyday!!! It's hard to find a quality person who is physically attractive, intelligent, ambitious, independent, etc. It's hard to find these qualities now and days...especially in one person. Recognize when God has blessed you ....and know what to do with the blessing.
Always,
Mary