Happy Thanksgiving to all the Canadians out there!
We ended up ordering in for our Thanksgiving meal. My Husband went to a big dinner with his family last night and I stayed home because I can't skip doing my cats insulin shots. So, since he had a full Thanksgiving meal last night, I saw no need to make one for us and truth be told, I really was not in the mood to cook to begin with. So we ordered in two Chicken Club sandwiches with fries, bought a pumpkin pie, some whipped cream and enjoyed our meals with a movie.
I couldn't finish mine all in one sitting, so I split it between lunch and dinner. I feel (and look) so full and bloated right now. But it was very yummy and mostly worth it.
I was a little disappointed with this morning's weigh in, as I'm only down 0.5 a pound. Just have to make sure I really work my butt off this week to get back on track by Monday.
So, today was fairly productive. My father came over so we could have our "talk" and although we didn't to cover as much as I was hoping we would, we did make some progress. I confronted him on how he treats me concerning my weight, using only recent examples, as bringing up the past, although important, would be futile. Well, to my shock, he actually apologized. Of course, this came after a long explanation of how my Hypothyroidism works (again) and showing him my progress chart from this site that I copied and cropped out the weight labels. And also making the point that given how often we see each other, he's only seen my at my highest weights in the last few years.
Busy, busy day. Had a $1 breakfast at Ikea, as it is right across the street from my Husband's office. We were finally able to figure out what was/is wrong with our other computer and it appears to be the videocard, again.
We couldn't test it on the computer I'm using now since it's pretty old and my Husband was unable to find a computer at work to test the videocard on during the week because everyone needed them. So, atleast we know now and only have to budget another $50 to ship it out, since luckily it's under a lifetime warranty. Too bad they don't including shipping and hadling with that warranty, lol.
I think I may be coming down with something. I've had a wicked headache all day long, its spread all the way down into my teeth and jaw. My body has been aching all day, I couldn't get warm and I just was not hungry at all. No fun. :( I hope a good night's rest will clear this up because I need to be able to squeeze in all my errands on Saturday, given that Monday is Thanksgiving and lots needs to be taken care of on Sunday indoors.
Because of how I felt today, I decided to pass on the HHA TBB routine. If I feel better tomorrow, I will do it then, if not I will absolutely find time to squeeze it in on Saturday. Maybe before breakfast, as it would certainly start my day off with a kick.
I mentioned a few days ago that I had an idea I wanted to share. Well, I was thinking, since I never really "celebrate" my birthdays, maybe I should do something different for my 25th in March. I'm going to make a list of 25 things I want to do, that must be completed before my 26th birthday. They have to be things that either take me out of my comfort zone or that I have not done before that I've wanted to do for a while. I've only come up with two things so far, which are doing an online course that should take 6 months to complete and the top of my list goal will be to go skydiving!
I am utterly horrified of heights, just getting on the little stepping stool we have makes my heart pound and I get a smidge light headed/dizzy. I figure that this may be able to help me do/get over a lot of things all in one shot.
First being my fear of heights, second being to help me learn to control my anxiety/panic attacks better in the face of something big, obviously like jumping out of a plane. Third being, it will give me a severe kick in the pants to show myself that I can do something that seems absolutely horrifying and crippling on the surface but make it through to the other side intact.
I want to do this before I move out West, if I manage to make it work. I have never lived on my own before and the thought of this scares me. I have what ifs and questions constantly running through my mind. Will I be able to do this? How? What if something goes wrong? So on and so forth.
I feel like if I can screw up the courage to go skydiving, maybe I will have more confidence in my ability to take care of myself if I move out West on my own. Does that make any sense?
Anyway. So, there's my idea. I will update the list on here every time I think of something else to add. And I will post the completed list on my birthday.
Oh and as an aside note. I was doing some calculations the other day and I thought this was neat and worth sharing. If I lose 1 pound every week from here until March 17th, I will weigh 129 pounds. That's 1 pound below my goal of weighing 130 pounds by my birthday on March 19th! Isn't that great? Fingers crossed that I'm able to do it!
Ok, so I almost missed getting in any exercise today, so I will be doing my HHA TBB tomorrow instead. This afternon the toilet clogged and then overflowed all the way into the hall, down the corridor and almost ended up reaching the kitchen. It's a crummy toilet, as the previous owners went cheap and I mean cheap when they bought it. So I spend all afternoon fixing it and then cleaning the flood path it left in it's wake.
Then this evening when my Husband got home we sat down to talk. I don't really feel like getting into it right now but let's just say the jist of it is, a whole lot of crying on my end and the likelyhood that I'll be moving out West by myself not long after this time next year.
So, I ended up getting in a few minutes on the bike before coming on to post this and then I'm going to make my way to bed. I'm exhausted and my eyes hurt from the 3 hours of constant on and off crying. (More on than off.)
Oh yes, I forgot to mention something. If you've been reading my blog for quite some time, you may remember a post I made about my father and his, umm, how should I put this, opinion of my being fat at 135 pounds.
Well, although utterly unprepared for this, I called him and asked if he could come to the house this weekend, as I plan on finally talking to him about our issues. I wanted to have everything written out, so I wouldn't forget anything but the "discussion" with my Husband prompted me to call and finally get this over with concerning my father. It's the one thing I can control at this point and I'm tired of how this man has made me feel and treated/treats me throughout my life. It's not my fault he didn't want a child and then participated anyway to make my mother stop harassing him.
Really crappy day. Money is getting tight(er), things are piling up that need to be bought/repaired/saved for and more people just got let go at my Husbands office. Bringing him down to a whopping 8 people in his department. Not looking good, not at all.
I hate number crunching and I hate big decisions. I'm looking into my options for moving out to be near my Grandmother and Great Aunt, the only down side, if and or when my Husband's department gets cut as well, he doesn't know if even then he'd move with me. New start? Guess not.
I told him this evening after much agonizing all day, that I need to be near my family. I don't know if I have one year or five (hopefully more but my Great Aunt is refusing dialysis and my Grandmother doesn't let me in on her health situation as much as I'd like because she doesn't want me to worry) before they pass and I don't want to live with the regret of having never been there with/for them before they do. Of course it still doesn't change the fact that my Husband doesn't want to leave his family or this Province.
Crapazoid, lately I really am kicking myself for not being firmer before we got married and telling him, either we move out West to be with my family eventually and then come back to Montreal down the line or treasure the memories we made and part ways because we're both going in different directions.
Now, I'm stuck choosing between family and my Husband. Should be easy right? My Husband is still young so we technically will have lots of time to get/be back together if he chooses not to join me out West and still keep the marriage, we'd just end up being long-distance; my family on the other hand.
Only problem with the long distance? Trust. It's still barely their between us, he keeps saying time will heal, I want to go to couples counselling but we can't afford it and I honestly don't think I could trust him if I left since I barely do now. I'd want our issues to be resolved before I leave, if I leave.
Where's that damn easy button I keep seeing in the commercials!? I want one.
Ok, so I came up with something great this afternoon that I really want to share with you, that's non weight related but my computer is making really funky noises and I am afraid it's going to crap out on me. (It's likely the fan having trouble again but I don't want to take any chances.) So I will find some time tomorrow afternoon to post.
So, my Husband got back home well after midnight last night or should I say this morning. Because we had to unpack and put everything away from his trip, we didn't get to bed till 2:30 am and then went back to bed again after taking care of our cat at 6:30 am. We ended up sleeping in till noon, hence why I don't have breakfast listed in my meals and why I'm so low on calories.
Anyway, it was a pretty good weekend for processing things. Although I have not come to a conclusion about anything, I feel that I'm becoming more honest with myself about what I want from/in marriage and out of it. I'm hoping things will become more clear soon, I would really like to start moving, well, in any direction again. As long as I am moving because I'm tired of being stuck between this rock and a hard place.
My Husband was supposed to come home tonight from his trip up North with his brothers but it's already half past 11 so I'm guessing that I won't see him until some time tomorrow. In a way I don't mind because it gives me some extra alone time to process things (as you can probably tell from yesterday's post) without feeling his presence in the room and skewing how I feel.
Anyway, my HHA FBC routine went well today. I'm not at my regular out put level, I'm still trying to take things easy because of my neck and because I don't want to re-injure my stomach muscles again. But at least I was able to put in more effort than Wednesday's routine, so yay. :)
But it was very yummy and mostly worth it.