Day 102 of 125
Day 102 of 125
Thursday, August 12th, 2010
Ugh, crap day.
I find myself just wanting to drop everything and running away from it all. I spent an hour looking at apartments in Madrid, Ireland, New Zealand, Australia, Holland, Paris, Stockholm and Amsterdam, among many others, this afternoon. I just want a fresh start somewhere new of my choosing. I hated living in Ottawa for as long as I did, I never planned on living in Montreal for more than a year but here I am, 7 years later because my Husband doesn't want to leave his family. Now I'm looking into apartments in Calgary because I may need to be close to my grandmother. I don't really want to move to Calgary either but I will do it if she needs me to. Which of course would likely mean the end of my marriage since my Husband has made it very clear over the years he never plans on leaving here. Which was not what he told me when we were dating and I moved in under the impression we wouldn't be staying here long.
I feel stuck. This is not where I wanted to be at this point in my life. I don't know exactly what I pictured but this, this was not it.
I guess this is all bothering me because the independent living home I was looking into for my grandmother came out as a bust this afternoon. The unit itself is $200,000 for a 1 bedroom 'apartment', then add on maintainance fees and unit taxes alone and they are more than double what her house taxes are now. And that doesn't include what she'd have to spend on property taxes, electricty, phone, insurance and so on. Money grubbers is what they are. Kind of makes me sick really.
So now there's having to find a way to make her current income/budget work so she can stay in her own home, which at this point looks unlikely. Or finding a new house or if she's willing and I kind of doubt it, a condo. Though the condo people rob you blind too with monthly fees on top of purchase price. Just can't win.
To top it all off, my Husband's brother is an insensitive ass, in my opinion of course and my father is a bigger ass. I've wanted to rip my hair out over the last few days because of those two. I simply suggested that my father may want to be careful as to how he presents what happened with my great aunt's passing because the way he's phrasing things, it comes across like she'd been in a hospital for a year living off an i.v. drip of pain medications. Her death was sudden and unexpected, yes she had problems and yes she had pain she was suffering from but it wasn't nearly as bad as he's presenting it to people. Of course he immediately got defensive and jumped down my throat. The man just doesn't listen, I felt like telling him to go f'- himself but held my tongue and politely guided the conversation to something else but I was livid once I got off the phone with him. I'm tired of his childish behaviour and lack of taking responsibility. He needs to finally grow up.
Another reason for wanting to drop everything and run to somewhere far, far away. I'm tired of dealing with these people and unfortunately I don't have it in me to just cut them out completely. Instead they constantly get off on cutting me down or crapping all over me and I sit there and take it because I don't want to cause grief.
My apologies for the downer post, this seems to be the only place I can let out all of my frustrations right now without judgement from anyone.
Anyway, new day tomorrow, here's hoping it's better.
I hope you had a great day. :)
Exercise:
Nothing - Scheduled Rest Day
Meals:
Breakfast - 450 calories
Lunch - 385 calories
Dinner - 380 calories
Total Calorie Intake - 1215