Day 46 of 125

Thursday, June 17th, 2010

Sorry for not posting this last night, got home at 9 pm from the vet and I didn't want to turn on the computer again and end up staying up late, again. So, I was in bed by 9:30 pm and probably asleep by 10 pm. Wasn't the best night's sleep and I woke before the alarm went off because of nightmares (probably too warm from all the blankets) but at least my body can start to get used to going to bed at this time of night again.

Anyway, a lot of the stress that has been going on, has been with my cat. I know I posted weeks ago that he had Pancreatitis, well for the last week, almost every day he's been throwing up again. Not food, more like a bit of clear liquid and foam. We think he's having difficulty with stomach acid. Our regular vet has been giving us the loop. She thinks that the animal hospital had it wrong and he did not have Pancreatitis, only because his blood tests weren't in the file they had sent over to confirm it, so now she wants to do a whole new set of her own tests on him.

I don't want to sound horrible but we saw specialists at the animal hospital and forked out thousands of dollars and he came home well, so I am more inclind to beleive their assesment of what my cat had. It's an animal hospital, they only deal with emergency situations, they wouldn't keep him there for days just to get almost $3000 out of us, they need the space for other emergency cases. Course it doesn't help that our regular vet's first language is french and she misinterprets what we are saying a lot of the time and then all of us get frustrated trying to sort it out.

Now, here comes the part where my Husband and I are having 'difficulties'. About a year and a half ago we had to switch over to the vet we see now because our previous one acquired a new job, we were sad to see her go because she was great with my cat(s) but we had to find someone else. Anyway, I few months ago her new job that she had left for was terminated and she came back to the place we're at now. We decided to stay with the new vet because my cat was going through some issues and had an upcoming surgery and didn't feel it was wise to switch back until all of it was resolved with the current vet because she was familiar with everything he was going through.

Well, because of certain incidents that have transpired over the last year, I have absolutely no trust left in my Husband. I hate feeling this way, it's killing me and it's ultimately what's giving me eczema breakouts on my hands and wrists because of all the stress for the last few months. Anyway, this involves the vets because of how he interacted/s with our previous vet.

For years while we were with her as our vet I'd ignore the sort of playful flirting that always went on between them, more on his side but sometimes she'd reciprocate, because I trusted my Husband. However that's not the case anymore, he's broken that trust and he doesn't seem to be so willing to do everything I need (not want but honestly need) to have it put back together. He'd mentioned switching back over to our previous vet, now that my cat was done with his surgery, so that we could lessen the stress from the lack of proper communication going on with the new vet. Well, I had to tell him that I felt uncomfortable with that idea and finally admit to why and how long it had been bothering me, as well as explain why I never mentioned this earlier. Instead of understanding I was met with anger and defense tactics. He said that it's just his personality and that's just the way he is, it doesn't mean anything. He came back with, it's his way of getting us good service, to be 'polite'. Where as I pointed out he doesn't 'flirt' with anyone else at the vet office, not our current vet nor any of the other woman who are just as nice and attractive. His response was that our current vet had a 'Type A' personality and it was hard for him to be anything other than 'business' (<- my word, best describes his explanation) polite to her. My feelings on how he interacts with the previous vet were totally ignored and he only focused on what I may have been 'accusing' him of.

The conversation basically ended there, I didn't want to get yelled at anymore and he was unwilling to see my point of view on how I felt; no point in continuing when no one is getting anywhere.

Just for the record, I don't think I was being out of line. I told him calmly how I felt and I made sure to emphasize that it was how I felt; I was not giving him crap, I was just trying to be honest about what was going on on my side of things and why I was uncomfortable with his suggestion to switch back to our old vet. He was the first to raise his vioce, I managed to keep it together and calm until the end where I did yell back twice and broke down crying.

Also, I'm not trying to make my Husband sound like a monster, if he was, I wouldn't be with him. We have our problems and unfortunately they are big but I do want to work through them. I mesh very well with my Husband, our sense of humour matches wonderfully, our views on life and priorities are basically in sync or at least they used to be. We had the same wants for where we wanted to go in life when we first got together. Although we do have some differing interests, the majority of them are shared. We've just stumbled some where along the way and can't seem to get our footing back. We used to laugh together every night, now most nights we're arguing. We're both exhausted from it but I've run out of ways to fix things, I can't do it by myself and he's absolutely unwilling to go to a marriage counselor and not just for financial reasons. Totally stuck between a rock and a hard space. In September we will have been together 8 years. They first 6 were fantastic, the last 2 have made me want to rip my hair out. I want to move past things but the more time that goes by, the more I feel like it's just not going to happen. I hate this.

Anyway, sorry for the long post and for not posting last night.

I hope everyone had a great day. :)

Exercise:

Nothing

Meals:

Breakfast - 575 calories

Lunch - 350 calories

Dinner - 450 calories

Total Calorie Intake - 1375