Day 9 of 100

Day 9 of 100

Really crappy day. Money is getting tight(er), things are piling up that need to be bought/repaired/saved for and more people just got let go at my Husbands office. Bringing him down to a whopping 8 people in his department. Not looking good, not at all.

I hate number crunching and I hate big decisions. I'm looking into my options for moving out to be near my Grandmother and Great Aunt, the only down side, if and or when my Husband's department gets cut as well, he doesn't know if even then he'd move with me. New start? Guess not.

I told him this evening after much agonizing all day, that I need to be near my family. I don't know if I have one year or five (hopefully more but my Great Aunt is refusing dialysis and my Grandmother doesn't let me in on her health situation as much as I'd like because she doesn't want me to worry) before they pass and I don't want to live with the regret of having never been there with/for them before they do. Of course it still doesn't change the fact that my Husband doesn't want to leave his family or this Province.

Crapazoid, lately I really am kicking myself for not being firmer before we got married and telling him, either we move out West to be with my family eventually and then come back to Montreal down the line or treasure the memories we made and part ways because we're both going in different directions.

Now, I'm stuck choosing between family and my Husband. Should be easy right? My Husband is still young so we technically will have lots of time to get/be back together if he chooses not to join me out West and still keep the marriage, we'd just end up being long-distance; my family on the other hand.

Only problem with the long distance? Trust. It's still barely their between us, he keeps saying time will heal, I want to go to couples counselling but we can't afford it and I honestly don't think I could trust him if I left since I barely do now. I'd want our issues to be resolved before I leave, if I leave.

Where's that damn easy button I keep seeing in the commercials!? I want one.  

Exercise:

15 mins Recumbent Bike - 180 calories

Meals:

Breakfast - 400 calories

Snack - 45 calories

Lunch - 400 calories

Snack - 30 calories

Dinner - 380 calories

Snack - 95 calories

Total Calorie Intake - 1350

Big decisions

Wow, that is a big decision.  At the end of the day, you'll need to look at the big picture and make the decision that feels right to you.  It sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking about really tough stuff . . . hugs to you during what is clearly a difficult time!

Lots on your Plate!!!

I love your idea of "where's the easy" button!!!  I want one. 

What troubles me is the statement "he doesn't know if he would move even if he got cut from his job" -- .  

I stayed in my marriage much longer than I should have and all I got is more heartache.   My situation is kind of like yours -- my at that time husband wanted to go into business with his family.  It was middle of the school year so I said that we needed my income and I didn't want to move the boys until end of school year.  We were only 350 miles apart but once he was gone -- OMG -- my boys and I got to experience what stressfree life was all about.  Everything was so much better and happier!!!  So I filed for divorce then drove to tell him -- then turned around and drove home.  Never looked back.   Never regretted my decision.  I then moved closer to family -- I live 50 miles from my hometown.   My father ended up getting his cancer back and after time passed away -- my sons and I were able to spend a lot of time with him that we forever cherish!!!!

Good for you to be discussing this with him -- I am sure he is thinking about it but if you decide to stay -- he doesn't have to think about it or make a decision.  If you decide to go -- who knows maybe he will realize that you are an important part of his life and make the decision to go with you.

I wish you strength to make a decision.