I apologise if you read my last lot of drivel, I suppose I was tryin 2 sort my head out!
well life IS ok, i should be greatful I know, and I am...
Had a rough night last night DS has got a rash on his legs, I noticed it after school, when he got his pjamas on I noticed it was up his legs, i had a glass in my hand so pressed it on the rash it didn't do anything so I was concerned, called a helpline who said a nurse would get back, .....I looked on the internet at rashes and the only one it looked like was meningitis! but he had no other symptoms....Early hours of the morning the phone finally rang, I went thru all the symptoms he has (which is only the rash) and she said she would get a dr to call....he did and when I spoke he said he didn't think it was serious as he didn't have anyother symptoms that go with meningitis so I should call back around 8 am...which I've just done and spoke to another nurse who told me to go and buy some antihistamine for him....so hopefully crisis over! I had a terrible night as I kept having to go into DS to make sure the rash hadn't got worse or he had a temperature etc...
So I'm off to the pharmacey in a min to stock up on piriton...
Weightloss is goin well 18.5lbs in 10 wks! Exercise has been nil as I have had a very painful trapped nerve in my neck which touch wood is easing now!
If you are reading this I hope your weightloss journey is going smoothly and all is well
Havn't been on here much, suppose I havn't had anything to say!
Well I am going to write my deepest feelings down as I think it will help me to change and get a grip! For years now I have been overweight as a child I wasn't huge but bigger compared to my friends, I got teased called tree trunk legs by my peers. I was always the thinnest in my family as I got older I was probably 1/2 a stone to a stone overweight, but didn't look overweight just voluptuous. I felt confident and felt i looked good, I had a great life, job and group of friends, fantastic social life, it was great! When i was 19 I met a guy who was a lot older than me, to cut a long story short, I ended up falling pregnant, it turned out he was married, I had my baby, it was ok I'd see him everyday, I am sooo not condoning an affair it was the worst thing I have ever done, you cant help who you fall in love with...His wife found out when our baby was less than a year old...He left her, went back, came back to me, went back to her it went on like this for a while...over this period I lost sooooo much weight, I was a size 6 think thats a 4 in US size. I looked too thin but felt great, the confidence I had even tho life was dreadful was amazing...he eventually came to live with me and 11 years on we are still together , happy. over these years the weight has gone on and on and on....I think because I had a taste of being thin, seeing how differently I was treated by people, the respect I got has made how I feel now worse....When I started this weightloss journey, I weighed 13st5 (sorry don't no wot that is in pounds but there are 14lbs in a stone!) In a dress size 16 and these were getting tight..I look like a barrel, I am sooo short, only just 5ft so I just can't carry any weight. I have no confidence, only going out in the world to take my child to and from school, and to the supermarket, I gave up work to go to college which I finished and was going to start my own business up...this has failed, actually it didn't even take off, what a failure, I have no confidence, who'd want to have treatments off me? So at the moment I don't work, financially we can't afford it really, but maybe I am using this as an excuse and I am just a lazy fat cow...I don't like myself, feel that I am worthless, don't deserve to have a life...I want to get out of these feelings, I want to learn to like myself, i wish I was more assertive, confident self assured...I don't know how to do this or where to start...I'm hoping that by losing weight will help in some way...
Had weigh in last night an have lost 2lbs!! only 1.5lbs to go and I have lost a whole stone!! Hurrah!!!
Well this week has been pretty dull, not been out of the house, only to take and pick up DS from school. I have done an exercise dvd every day so thats good!
DS has joined the brass band at school and cam home with a trumpet on wednesday! I am so pleased he wanted to do it even if my bf his dad hates it, gee he is being a miserable bugger! He is 18 years older than me and lately the age gap is showing! He seems to be happy for my weightloss but angry too, he says I will leave him when I am thin, maybe I will if he carries on this way!! lol!
I have got to find work, I worked in the care 'industry' for over 10 years but can't face doing it again as the homes in uk are full of staff who speak very little or no english and the owners are awful money grabbers...Ideally I'd like to work in a supermarket on a check out, but I can't get a job as I don't have the experience, it has to bein school hours as bf wont do school run or look after him after school or weekends due to his work and golf commitments grrrr, he's getting really peed off with me for not earning, but i feel i am in a vicious circle..i sooo need some money and to get my independence back, and confidence.
sorry for writing all this drivel but it kind of makes me feel a little off loaded if you know what I mean !!
Summer is officially over in jolly 'ol Blighty...its turned really cold and raining, i mean it is bucketing down!
This week has been ok, on wednesday I went on a local school trip and we walked for an hour which was good!! I have done and exercise dvd 5 times this week, I went to my diet class and have lost 1 1/2 lbs...not bad but I could have done much better if I hadn't had the chinese on saturday or the bottle of semillon on Tuesday!! (I was feeling really peed off with bf and turned to the bottle...naughty naughty!)
This weather is awful here its so dark, windy, piddling down and miserable, there has been flood warnings for some local areas...
Better go and get on with some housework ooooh just can't find the motivation this weather makes me soo miserable!!
Well that sums uo what I have done (diet wise I add!) this weekend.. :(. On saturday we went out for a meal, chinese, I had good intentions but ended up having a set meal with duck in pancakes, 2 pints chinese beer then 3 singles of spiced rum. I felt regret whilst eating it but enjoyed it...Sunday I was straight back on the plan and did 2 lots of exercise dvds to hopefully try and make up for all the calories and fat I ate! I just hope come thursdays weigh in the scales will show a loss!
Well its saturday morning here in sunny Kent, England my Bf has gone for his weekly game of golf and I'm sitting here drinking a mug of earl grey tea...boy I know how to live!
Thanks Lynnara for your lovely words I will have to have a read of your 'blog' (I'm new to all this blogging stuff so have lots to catch up on I think!) there are 14lbs in a stone, hope that helps! hope you are doing well. x
My DS is still at his friends and there is talk of him staying another night but I'm not sure if he should...outstay his welcome and too many late nights etc, just trying to think of an excuse to pick him up later!
Diet is going ok, I am on the second stage now where I can have extra calories which includes one alcoholic drink a day, although I don't think I can trust myself to only have one lol! I really must get myself motivated with the exercise tho as it will really speed up the losses.
I feel at a loss today not having DS here!! Don't you miss them when they are not around!!
Got weighed last night at RC class I lost 3lbs, thats 9lbs in total in only 2 weeks!! can't believe it...well that cheered me up a bit!
Not got much on today, I need to get a job but at 30 years old its difficult as every interview I have been to they want school leavers...what can I do!
DS is staying overnight at his friends house so it's just me and BF tonight. I think we are going to the cinema...the first time this year! It's to see either Click or the Black Dahlia.
Well best go and get on with some housework...what joy.
Don't no why but feeling really miserable today...Things havn't been too good with bf for a bit...we don't argue at all but we don't really talk either! He comes home from work and plonks himself in front of the computer, eats his dinner there and stays on it till he goes to bed...There's no romance between us...I have a little moan about the time he spends on computer (He spends all the time on ebay, so I know its not in chatrooms!). He is under pressure from external factors at the moment so I don't want to make his homelife horrible if you know what I mean....Sorry for that drivel but doesn't it make you feel better for just putting it on the screen!
Well its my 2nd weigh in tonight, so fingers crossed its a good one!
Oh well better go and do something-like give myself a kick up the butt for being a miserable moo!!
Thanks Lynnara for your comments! I had written quite a bit about myself but it seems to have disappeared...oh the wonders of technology!
Well I'll write it again: I am 30 years old, I live with my BF and 9 yr old son. I have been overweight for most of my life was always fatter than my mates but not hugely overweight, after the birth of my son I managed to get to 7 1/2 stone (I am only just 5ft) and felt fab...my weight seemed to pile on after having the depo provera contraceptive injection, I had it for 7 years and put on 5 stone. I have been off it a year now and yo yo dieted, I tried the cambridge diet (bought it of an auction site) lost 8lbs but put on another stone on top!! I enjoy wine too much that is partly my weight problem and also I don't exercise enough.
Being overweight has made me detest my self, I have no confidence, only go out of my house to take and pick my son up from school. My bf is very caring but can't understand and thinks I am using my weight as an excuse not to work, maybe I am (a few years ago I was working as a care assistant at my local hospital working 40 hrs a week I get panicy at the thought of it now..I am so cross but feel so worthless-I'm sure people in similar situations understand)
On the 14th of Sept I managed to give myself a kick up the butt and I joined a Rosemary Conley diet and fitness club, its better than other clubs I feel as its not all about sitting for an hour talking (I used to dread the woman talking to me in front of all the other dieters) in this class we got weighed, then she did a 5 min talk giving out certificates to 'losers' then its all up for a 45 min aerobic workout. How great! No really it is!
In my 1st weigh in I lost 6lbs! I was slimmer of the week, bet that peeed some off as I was a newey!
I can not reccommend goin to a diet club to keep you focused and on the straight and narrow! I havn't touched a drop of booze since I started and I really don't miss it!
Any way enough of my drivel, I must go and put the washing out...wot joy!
I stumbled on this website today and I thought I'd have a go at writing a blog... I have never done this before but I'm hoping by doing this it will help me keep focused on my diet.
