So, losing weight is so great and all....but, losing weight and having an EPIPHANY is just AWESOME!! I've never had a moment like this in my life. I've often heard that once you begin postive changes in your life that more follow. Well, it isn't more..it isn't alot...it's everything! Everything is changing! I recently had an Epiphany and it seriously just all hit me at once! I feel so blessed that I have to share this expirence with everyone I love! So ready for the novel to begin?? ha ha
I am writing this from a very deep place in my heart..for all of you to read and understand what exactly I am going through..and where I am in my life. Have you ever wonder what a Epiphany exactly is? I never gave much consideration to it except that is was a religious holiday. But....this weekend showed me exactly what it is...what it means...and how it feels. Do you remember how you felt when you had your first kiss...your first check...aced a test...had someone tell you that I love you for the first time.....became a parent...became an aunt/uncle....became a grandparent...that bliss..that happiness...that natural high..that's exactly the feeling I have! It's been a long rough & painful road to get here and I never was even aware that "here" exsisted! I wasn't expecting or looking for it..but I found the meaning of life this weekend and learned who I really am. How odd does that sound for a response to what did you do this weekend?..ha ha I can understand those of you who are thinking what is she talking about...But, if you listen to me you will hear and know what I am saying. I've always felt like I was struggling..surviving just to get through the day...I'm sure most of you have felt this way before....there has been awesome wonderful happy times in my life like when I met Dave, gave birth to Emma, special memories with friends and family...but they always seemed temporary..and I was left wondering why I couldn't stay happy like that every day. I had a great life...awesome boyfriend...beautiful daughter..loving family...my health...great grades...some of the best friends...I had it all but there was something missing..a smile on face and joy in my heart. I hit rock bottom so hard this weekend after several incidents just eventually overwhelmed me...I haven't expirenced these emotions in a LONG time...I never thought I could get that low again. But...when I fell to my knees sobbing not knowing what to do I realized all I had to was....stand up and grab God's hand. I have never had an expirence like this in my life. You may not fully understand what I'm about to explain...but I honestly had an Epiphany and saw life in a totally different aspect and feel so lucky to have this experience. I can't put it into words..just that it is the best feeling in the world to be able to have the peace and pure bliss that follows. It's like having the emotions and pure happiness that I felt on the day I fell in love with Dave..or the day I gave birth to Emma and held her for the first time over and over every day in my life now. I didn't expect for it to happen or even have a clue it was coming but..I'm am sooo happy it did though. Like I said it may not make sense to you...but I'll try to explain it... I've let go of every insecurity..every moment of pain...the past..the doubt..and found peace..happiness..God..and most of all Love. I am getting to the point where I am beginning to love everyone around me with as much love as I have for Emma, Dave, and myself. This quote means alot to me "We cling to our bad feelings and beat ourselves with the past when what we should do is let go of it, like Peter did. Once you let go of guilt, then you go out and change the world." - James Carroll. I've held on the pain of everything for so long..I never thought this was possible...but it was so easy once I did it. It seemed like the only option I had was to carry around my burdens...I never thought to drop them and walk away...I never thought I would be able to forgive some of the people that have hurt me..but I have truely forgiven them. I feel so free finally by letting my burdens go. I plan on spending so much time improving myself that I have no time left to criticize others. I wish that everyone could know exactly what I am talking about and feel it themselves. I'm cutting out all the negativity in my life and I plan to avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. "One word frees us all of the weight and pain of life; that word is love." - Sophocles. But, I love who I am..I love who I have became..I love where I am going...I found the meaning of life when I wasn't even looking for it......how lucky am I?!?! At first I didn't understand what I was going through...but I get it now. I am staying away from anything negative and told my friends not to call me/or have me around ..(talk bad about someone..go to the bar...bad habits...constantly complaining..drama..etc) I aksed that they please not even call me because I cannot not and will not participate in it anymore. By focusing on all the negative things in my life I was missing out on all the awesome wonderful positive great things right in front of me! I've never felt so good in my life..and for the first time in my life I don't care what other people think. And I hope that you can understand..respect or maybe see where I am and be proud of me.
I've found the secert to life...it's not about someone's actions..or the people around you...or objects that you have or don't..it's about how YOU feel..and learning to love yourself!!!
The secert to a happy healthy relationship..Let go of the past..so you can live your future together..Love yourselves so that you can love eachother more than you even think is possible..and make sure you show your love and say it every day..never assume they know you love them...don't take either one for granted because, you can lose them in one second...don't let other people affect or intervene in your relationship..be honest with each other, communicate your feelings even if your scared....listen...listen..listen some more....talk..don't yell...and if things get hard and you feel lost...go back to the beginning and feel the emotions you felt when you knew you loved that person...the end always comes back to the beginning..forgive mistakes...forget mistakes..once forgiven never bring them up in an argument...move on and always give someone you truly love a second chance because...sometimes all it takes is another chance to make it right. :)
I found some really inspirational quotes that have a deep meaning to me:
"To the question of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
"Nurture your dreams, Discover your passion, Embrace your visions, Free your spirit, Share your love, Love your soul."
I love each and every one of you so very much! You are so special to me and I am lucky to have each one of you in my life. I hope that each and every one of you can feel the pure bliss I am at right now. I pray that all of you can understand and possibly expirence this moment in your life. I know that this moment right now...will change me for the rest of my life forever. I will not be the same person ever again...I am changing for the better..I am healing..I'm not surviving..I am THRIVING!! I'm not waiting for the weekend...I am enjoying the week...I'm ready for tomorrow because I am enjoying today...I'm not waiting for the future..I am creating it!. I'm so excited to become who I am supposed to be....every area of my life is positively changing...I've lost 15lbs...I'm falling in love all over again with Daveand strengthing our relationship...I'm giving Emma a positive healthy happy Mommy to play with and a strong positive role model....I am creating me...and finding the meaning of life!! I'll tell those of you that may of felt the same way...don't give in...don't give up...fight for your happiness we all deserve to be happy! Do what you need to do to be truely happy...no matter what people think. Put yourself first...love yourself as if you were your child..or mother..or animal..or whatever....just do what you have to do to be blissfully happy....all the pain is worth this reward in the end!. I would cry all those tears again..to get to this place in my life again. It's soooo worth it! I promise you that. God's put this in my heart and I hope I can inspire all of you to dig deep and see what works and what doesn't work for you and to change it. I'm going back to church and installing Christian values back in my heart...I'm having God build my foundation for my life..my family and my relationship! So when faced with a earthquake..I don't crumble. I'm excited to say that Dave and I are in the process of getting Emma baptized!
So...there it is...there is what has been going on! I hope you can understand it..respect it...and possibly use it! Love ya guys! SORRY THIS SOOOOOO LONG! HA HA HA
How often we wish for another chance To make a fresh beginning. A chance to blot out our mistakes And change failure into winning. It does not take a special time To make a brand-new start. It only takes a deep desire to try with all our heart. To live a little better To always be forgiving. To add a little sunshine In a world in which we are living. Never give up in despair Nor think you are through. For theres always a tomorrow, a chance to start anew!
You can't build a reputation on what you are going to do. - Henry Ford
There are two things to aim at in life: first, to get what you want; and after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. - Logan Pearsall Smith
BEST WISHES TO ALL OF YOU AND I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST!!! :)
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY IN MY LIFE BEFORE!!!!! DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN ACTUALLY SMILE MORE THAN FROWN..I HAD NO CLUE! :) 
THE IMPROVED..SELF-DISCOVERED..."REAL" KELLI :)
