Still here. Still struggling. Some positive steps have been made. I contacted my WW leader to ask if I could start over, even though I continue to pay for my monthly pass with no break. He said they could reset the weight and I get a fresh start.
That said, I'm still too embarrassed to put down what I weigh at this time. I'm so sorry, and I'm such a fraud.
Another positive step is I canceled the gym that was no longer convenient since my workplace moved in August. It was just so out of the way and through so much awful traffic to get there I never did. Another gym is doing a 19 dollar a month special...no joining fee...only a 6 month commitment. It's RIGHT on the way too and from work, and they are open 24 hours a day so I can stop by on my way TO work instead of on my way home. Trying it out now. First day of going on my way to work felt great!
Third positive step...talked to hubby. Let him know how frustrated and feeling like a failure I was. He was understanding and supportive and most helpful.
Lately, on the not so positive front, I've been doing something SO incredibly stupid....secret eating in the car....Like no one knows? Really? MY FREAKING BODY KNOWS! It knows every calorie that goes in! So, fooling co-workers...fooling hubby? Not so much when I can't fit in my pants anymore....That doesn't just happen out of nowhere!
Posted By: Franma
Comments to this post:
11/10/2010 10:18
Hello
I feel like you need to start believing in yourself before you start anything. You were right when you said that your body knows when you sneak food. This isn't a game that we are all playing. This is your life. It truly make no difference to anyone but yourself if you choose to eat or not exercise. However, though I don't know you I wish I could be there for you. It seems like you need more support and to get the emotional part of this healthy journey down first.
Also, your weight is really just a number. This is a safe place! Just think how good you will feel when you start to see that number fall. Noone on here will judge you. We are all battling the same thoughts and feelings as you! Just use that number as motivation.
You deserve to love yourself TODAY! Though you may not be where you want to be, you WILL get there. Some things you need to succeed are: 1. A positive attitude. 2. Total commitment 3. A plan for how you are going to eat and when to exercise 4. The allowance of others to support and motivate you
I really am praying that you find the belief in yourself that you can and will get healthy. A huge suggestion would be to educate yourself on what it means to be healthy. If you had cancer you would do all the research you possibly could to find out how to get rid of it. Treat your unhealthy habits the same way. I've read all kinds of books about healthy living. (No diet books. Health books and Proper Food Books) You can read some of my reviews of the books I read in earlier blogs of mind. Also if food is an issue I strongly encourage you to buy Eat This and Not That Books: My favorite is Supermarket Survival. If eating out is a problem they have one for that as well a Drink This and Not That ones too.
Dear girl, you are not even close to a fraud! Please, take that word out of your vocabulary. What you are is human, just like the rest of us.
Life tosses us a lot of stuff sometimes and we tend to fall back to familiar behaviors when it does. It seems easier to fall into old habits, comfortable patterns, when we have extra stress. New job/location is Aug. probably came with new stresses. Are you still considering moving to Isreal? (is that where it was?) If so, that is a big stress even if it's something you want to do and more stress if it's something you don't want to do. Other stresses?
Sneak eating is not good and will show up on your body, as you know. Most people 'sneak eat' when they are hiding something or hiding from something; usually related to feelings that are not expressed, stresses one doesn't know how to handle or money issues, although there are other things, too. Many times we need to speak up to a loved one/co worker/other and express feelings that are difficult to express. Find the reason why you're sneak eating and you'll break the pattern.
You are where you are at this moment - good, bad or indifferent.
I gained back some of what I lost, too, and didn't want to post my numbers either. But posting where I am right now, at this moment, keeps me real with myself and accountable for slipping back to old habits.
it is so good that you have been honest enough to put all you said into your blog - that's a good start as ep is a safe place for us all to be honest and accountable.
i know what you mean about eating in the car - i have been guilty many times. my kids find my ice block wrappers and tell me off :) seeing as your hubby was so understanding why don't you tell him about the car eating as well? might help to be accountable to him about it.
that you need something to rebel against. at least, i get that way. find something more constructive, like, you know you need to clean the bathroom, but rebel! and put it off till tomorrow, the next day or even next week!
i understand wanting to feel that rebellious feeling. just don't do it with food. :) the only one you're actually rebelling against is yourself, and that's not good.
