Aren't babies SUCH a nice way to start people? Yesterday I went to a friend's baby shower. They had soft tacos. I didn't do too badly, beans, a little ground beef, lettuce, a little cheese salsa. Skipped the sour cream. But then there were the chips. And the fruit with caramel dip. And cupcakes.
Overall, I think I ate a bit too much. Not a ton, but didn't really think it through and go with a plan. Good reminder as we come to this season of eating! Plan Plan Plan Plan. Then mentally rehearse it. To be prepared is to be successful, right?
Today has been right back on track. Thinking of getting some low carb whole wheat tortillas, low fat cream cheese, and some thin sliced turkey for wraps tonite. Add some lettuce and tomato....maybe pickled asparagus...mmmmmI think I could be happy with that. 13 points left for the day and a good low point dinner planned.
Life is good.
The new gym
The new gym...mega cheap, close to work, open 24 hours during the week....Two free training sessions and then one a month after that....
Went for my first training session. It seemed quite easy...sort of. Focused on legs. Lunges for about 50 feet (x2) , Sumo squats w/ a kettle bell 10 x2, Step ups and knee kicks? 10 x2, and these weird sort of curtsey squats 10x2. Then up a short stair case two times, then up skipping one step two times, then up skipping two steps.
I am so freaking sore! I would never have believed what didn't seem like much effort would kill me like that. It's been far too long since I've worked out or pushed myself. If I weren't so sore I'd be embarrassed.
Silly Bandz again
These are what Silly Bandz look like. They are made of silicone and stretch like rubber bands. I'm on day two of using them and like it so far. I wear one 6, a couple of 4s, several 3s, 2s, and 1s...to add up to 25. Sometimes I have to "make change".
Silly Bandz and Weight Watchers
Yeah...so tracking has been the thing I used to do religiously that has become ridiculously hard. I've convinced myself I can keep track in my head. *insert gigglesnort here*
So, the other nite I was out w/ my family for my birthday and my stepdaughter had mentioned that if they made a round silly bandz she'd wear it. I happened to run to the drug store for some playdough to help pass the time til karaoke and found silly bandz that were numbers. They had a 0. It was round so I bought them and gave her the 0.
Later, as I'm stumbling through starting back w/ WW I realized I could USE those number silly bands. Got them out and sorted through the numbers to find the ones that would total my total number of points a day and put them on my left wrist. (Had to find another couple of packages of them since I gave most of the other numbers to my step granddaughter) Anyway, as of yesterday I have the numbers on my left wrist. When I eat the points they go to my right wrist. When the bands are all gone off my left wrist I'm done for the day. (still don't know what to do with the 35 weekly points, but it will come to me)
And, on another positive note: I am decluttering my kitchen today! It's feeling REALLY good to have a giant garbage bag for all the $*(# that's accumulated that has some sort of "sentimental" value....Really? It's just stuff...and we've got WAY too much stuff.
Still here. Still struggling. Some positive steps have been made. I contacted my WW leader to ask if I could start over, even though I continue to pay for my monthly pass with no break. He said they could reset the weight and I get a fresh start.
That said, I'm still too embarrassed to put down what I weigh at this time. I'm so sorry, and I'm such a fraud.
Another positive step is I canceled the gym that was no longer convenient since my workplace moved in August. It was just so out of the way and through so much awful traffic to get there I never did. Another gym is doing a 19 dollar a month special...no joining fee...only a 6 month commitment. It's RIGHT on the way too and from work, and they are open 24 hours a day so I can stop by on my way TO work instead of on my way home. Trying it out now. First day of going on my way to work felt great!
Third positive step...talked to hubby. Let him know how frustrated and feeling like a failure I was. He was understanding and supportive and most helpful.
Lately, on the not so positive front, I've been doing something SO incredibly stupid....secret eating in the car....Like no one knows? Really? MY FREAKING BODY KNOWS! It knows every calorie that goes in! So, fooling co-workers...fooling hubby? Not so much when I can't fit in my pants anymore....That doesn't just happen out of nowhere!
So so so hard!
As I was typing that I realized that sosos...makes SOS. Sort of. I'm not throwing in the towel, but I'm not a superstar either. I realized I'm miserable in my clothes, having gotten rid of all the bigger ones. I still have the "belly constrictor girdle" type thing that I wore after surgery and I've put those on to keep the muffin top from spilling over...but clothes and those just aren't comfortable. I can honestly remember what it felt like to put on a pair of pants and have them slide up effortlessly, and button or snap w/ no problem.
I have worked out on the elliptical roughly every other day minus a couple. I have purchased frozen veggies and stocked both the freezer at work and the freezer at home. I have low fat/low cal veggie soups at work for days I forget to bring a lunch. I've gotten a new phone and d/l the WW app onto it so I can always track no matter where I'm at.
I want to be a size 10 again. I want to be able to get my rings off with ease. I want to fit into all those clothes I bought last year. I want this to work for me again. I feel like I'm slowly clawing my way back...but it is so much harder than it was last time....There is a gremlin on my shoulder saying "Just one won't hurt"....I need to kick his little ass and get him into the next county or something!
I remember thinking this morning about that phrase...The time will pass anyway and thinking back to late August when I was feeling like I needed to get back on it....I'd be 10 pounds lighter now than I was then if I'd just buckled down and started back on plan instead of putting it off...See, the time did pass and I have nothing to show for it but extra pounds instead of less.
Thanks for hanging in with me. You are all the best!
Back to WW
I went back to WW last nite. Man, that was H-A-R-D! It was good though. I haven't even looked at my weight to see what the number is.
My leader gave me a big hug, and some of the old time regulars were happy to see me. Talked about what makes it hard to stay on plan.
Can you say LIFE?
Day 2...Perfection remains elusive
Much better yesterday but for some reason I'm overcome by two things....Hunger and fatique. I was so tired yesterday I went to bed at 7:30...Didn't even stay up for Biggest Loser!
Was going to try some Chicken Picatta I got a recipe for, but didn't get a chance to stop at the store on my way home so I sent hubby to get chinese take out. Ate too many pot stickers...Ate dinner too early, and woke up at 4am truly hungry. Got a Babybel light cheese and a few pretzels....not a bad middle of the night snack, but it's been SO long since I've had a middle of the night snack.
Tonite I need to spend time on the elliptical...I can't believe I've gone from running and the gym back to the elliptical in the living room. I remember why I stopped running, it was another stinking bladder infection I didn't want to go to the Dr for because they always tell me it's not an infection...in the meantime, I had to pee NOW when I had to go, and it burned like crazy...but not an infection? Really? Before you say I should go have it checked out, I did...went through a myriad of tests and nothing came up. I guess I just imagine it....while I wet my pants because I was too far from the potty.
Sorry, TMI I know. Today will be better. I probably need to exercise so I have energy. I am dragging my sorry a$$ back to WW tonite. So ashamed, but I gotta do it for me. It ain't working w/o it and I know this!
Seems like maybe I'm not the only one.
I've skimmed some titles of blogs...no way to catch up since the last time I was here. I'm seeing lots of old friends posting about being back, slipping, struggling. I also see some losing and working out! Kudos to you.
I've gotten into a downward spiral, and rather than come here and reach out I tell myself that I'd be a downer, I'd be a discouragement. I feel guilty, and convinced that I can turn it around by myself and come back w/o so much damage done.
Who am I kidding? I've once again turned to food to sooth deep deep hurts and fears and deal with uncertainty. My positive attitude has evaporated and I'm mired in worry and pessimism. I start out every day with fabulous intentions and then get glued to my desk chair at work and then come home and escape into stupid internet games.
I haven't been to the gym in ages, though I'm still paying. I give in to cravings, and tell myself tomorrow will be better. All the while, lying to myself, saying I can pick it back up and do better. I need to face some reality before being a size 14 leads to being a size 16 and that leads back to shopping in the plus size section.
I remember how proud I felt a year ago, buying clothes in size 10. How much fun I had making new discoveries. How proud I was to get that tattoo of committment. I desparately need to get back to that. And, I need all of you in my corner. I'm not totally flushed down the toilet yet....but if I don't turn this around I will be. Who's with me? And more importantly, how can I help anyone else in this same stupid boat?
Climbing Mt. Si
Yesterday I hiked up a local mountain, Mt Si...It's 4 miles one way with a 4000 foot elevation gain. Since my root canal, and bladder infection, my activity level had gone way down.
Suffice it to say I thought I was going to die! But I toughed it out. I had actually stopped at one point, waiting for the people I'd climbed w/ to come down and meet them, but then a man passed by and told me I was only 10 minutes from the top, so I toughed it out and made it. I've hiked a bit, and this was definitely the most consistantly UP trail I've eve been on. There were maybe three spots that weren't an incline.
Coming down was really hard on the toes...but I learned that I must be vigilant w/ activity, and my eating HAS to get back on track. My daughter's boyfriend's mom wants a weight loss buddy, and as I'm now looking at 20 pounds to lose, I've agreed to be that person. So, back to it, back to walking...though I'm going to have to do some on my own as I need to walk a little faster than she can at this point...but she doesn't live far so I can walk to her house and then walk with her, then walk home. It will be like interval training.